NFP as a Mama of Three

It's the end of NFP Awareness Week, so I'm going to throw in a few cents as a mama with three kids under three.

Natural Family Planning is getting to know the woman's fertility through various means (mucus, hormone monitor, basal thermometer, etc.) and then, making a decision about when to have sex in order to avoid, conceive or whatever. This is called TTA (trying to avoid), TTC (trying to conceive) and TTW (trying to whatever).

We have a child from each of these. Grace was a TTW - we were open to having a baby, and based on where I was in my cycle, we had a 5 percent chance of conceiving. Laura was TTC - we wanted to have another baby close to Grace. Stephen was TTA - the postpartum method we were using was not successful, and his conception was considered a method failure. This does not mean that NFP = children even when you are avoiding. Plenty of people successfully avoid using the same method. To me, this means that God wanted Stephen in our lives. I cannot imagine life without this chunky monkey. Practically, I also changed how I track my fertility postpartum!

This time around, I started charting with my teacher before my 56 days were up. After a lady has a baby, she is definitely infertile for the first 56 days. After that, even if you are breastfeeding, your fertility can come back (as we learned) before the usual six months. It is unusual, but it does happen.

We are currently using the Marquette method and working closely with a wonderful teacher as we navigate the postpartum period. Since I do not have any health problems we have to work around, this is the easiest method for us. Every morning, I pee on a stick (we buy with Amazon's subscribe and save - a steal! Especially with five or more items, you get a 15 percent discount) and my ClearBlue monitor (Also on sale with Prime currently) tells me if my fertility is low, high, or peak.

From the Marquette website:

The Marquette Model (MM) system of NFP brings 21st century technology to NFP by using the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor, a device used at home which measures hormone levels in urine to estimate the beginning and end of the time of fertility in a women's menstrual cycle. The information from the monitor can be used in conjunction with observations of cervical mucus, basal body temperature, or other biological indicators of fertility. The MM was developed by professional nurses and physicians at Marquette University in the late 1990s. A recent (2007) study published in the Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, and Neonatal Nursing demonstrated a 97-98% efficacy of the MM in avoiding pregnancy when taught by a qualified teacher and correctly applied.

There is more protocol in terms of how many days one should avoid post-peak, and postpartum pre-peak vs. postpartum post-peak, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about why Will and I choose NFP over other methods.

The easiest place to start is our faith. We're Roman Catholic, and as part of our Christian faith, we practice total fidelity. We do not use artificial contraception. The Church does not require us to use NFP, but it does advocate responsible parenthood. "Be fruitful and multiple" does not mean have more children than your sanity, bank account and body can handle. The Church's teaching must be seen through the eyes of total love; it is for communion of body and soul, not a separation.

That being said, NFP is not a Catholic-only method. I know many non-Catholics who use it. Leah Libresco, a Catholic convert from atheism, recently wrote on learning NFP while engaged. She recommends Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which teaches FAM - Fertility Awareness Method, or NFP + barrier methods during avoiding times. TCOYF is the definitive text for learning about one's fertility, reproductive health and charting. This is not only for married folk - charting is the best way to understand how your body is working, and learning to recognize  and interpret changes.

Next, is science. Unlike the popular myth that all NFP methods are the same (or the rhythm method), a woman's fertility is unique and scientists like those at Marquette University, or Dr. Hilgers with his Creighton method, are actively studying women's fertility and have proven, peer-reviewed methods of helping women avoid and achieve pregnancy when practiced correctly. I say "correctly" because this is the danger of NFP - a woman can get pregnant. But this happens to people using birth control methods as well, so I'm nonplussed about this part. I truly think that NFP is as valid a method to avoid and achieve, with the bonus of *knowing* one's fertility (no more guesswork!) and creating an incredible bond with your spouse.

We use the Kindara app to chart - so well organized and a beautiful design. I love that I can add-in more information than what is provided already too.

Finally: love. There is nothing more trust-building than two spouses on board with fertility planning. The husband is equally as involved as his wife; he carries responsibility as she does. This is not always easy. Will and I did not pick NFP because we enjoy this challenge; but is it worth it? Absolutely. We practice fidelity to one another; open communication; incredible vulnerability; respect and acceptance of the total person; value and honor for God's design; true self-sacrifice. The benefits, for us, outweigh the fear.

True love must know sacrifice. This is why our wedding vows speak of leaving our mother and father and joining to our spouse. The current statistics on divorce is about 50 percent**, which is terrifying. NFP users have a lower rate - hovering around 9.5 percent. Having sex is not just for creating a child. It's also for bonding! But the accountability and responsibility is still there, and we take that seriously.

It's hard to be pregnant. It might not seem that way, especially coming from someone who has had three successful pregnancies in three years. We were open to that. We were open to that challenge. I would not recommend this path to most people, but we feel very blessed to have our three children and be in a position to care for them. It should not, however, and is not to be taken for granted. People love asking if we're done now that we've had our boy. Hopefully not! Will and I are still discerning, as is part of our marriage.

**
"Which Method of NFP Is Right For Me?" quiz

**

I love strolling down memory lane. I love thinking about all the walks we went on while dating and engaged; hiking and talking about Big, Philosophical questions and telling stories and discussing what we wanted in life. Will and I decided that we wanted to spend our lives together - eating and grocery shopping; chores and cleaning up after little people; in good times and in bad; in morning sickness and in health. I thought I loved Will when we got engaged, and even more when we got married. And I did. I love him even more now. Be assured that marriage is hard for us too, and NFP is harder. There is a lot of dying to self. NFP strips away the pretension and the pride, and leaves us to face our own reality. Each NFP experience is unique, and I like knowing that it is part of our love story. It's anecdotal evidence, but in the search for fullness of the human experience, what else is there?

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** EDIT: A friend sent me this article, which says that divorce rate is well below 50 now and that this statistic is incorrect. Happy to hear!

Mercy Maud!

Grace is wearing one of my headbands, and it looks like a slim teal halo.

Laura is sleeping (quietly!!!!) on the couch. I really really really hope this reoccurs tonight.

Will is talking to a friend upstairs.

I am resting.

I should rest more on Sunday. Between Grace, Will and myself, we keep this house topsy-turvy. It stresses me out when my environment does not have some semblance of order, so I often take the time to clean it or I avoid it (which is one reason I have not been working out of my office the past few weeks).

But as the upcoming Jubilee Year is all about mercy, I think today - Divine Mercy Sunday - is a good day to remember that mercy is not just towards others, but towards ourselves.

Mercy is "compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm."

My house is a mess.
I'm still retaining water (and eating ice cream).
My laundry is piling up.
I'm just... here. Living in the moment. Confiscated the toilet paper roll from Grace, absent-mindedly drinking my coffee, picking up as I go, and grading when I can.

I understand where I am right now: barely past my six weeks (really??) of delivering Laura, taking care of a newborn, teaching, taking care of a toddler and attending therapy 5x/week, having a husband in residency, not living close to family (or friends one can actually ask to come over and clean your kitchen for you) ... but as realistic as my life is, expectations sway towards the unrealistic.

A lot of that, of course, comes with time management. But just I cannot teach class without preparing my lesson, so I cannot expect

I am never going to wake up one day and be the person I want to be. I need to wake up every day and try to be that person. To paraphrase Aristotle, we are what we do repeatedly - virtue becomes a habit.

Things I struggle with: resting, realistic expectations of what I can accomplish in a certain time frame, and relishing in the mess.

But today, I am resting. I am folding laundry. I will not get to grading. I am chasing Grace Harriet around and carrying Laura Kathleen. It is nice, feeling content. It is nice cleaning up the mess and not thinking about the other mess around the corner, and semi-ignoring Grace as she creates a new one (as I type).

It certainly isn't a habit yet, but I like the freedom of allowing this non-permanent state of messiness to give me perspective for today. Today is enough.

"You cannot conceive, nor can I, of the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God," said the priest in Graham Greene's 'Brighton Rock'. I know I cannot - and I am so very glad that it stretches beyond my finite imagination.

Happy Divine Mercy Sunday! Oh, how He loves us.

p.s I wrote this reflection a few years ago for TIC

On the First Day of Easter, My True Love Gave to Me

This Triduum weekend was much busier than I imagined; Will is back in the ER and, fortunately/unfortunately, he's working nights. He has two more shifts before he is done [with night shift] for the month, but dang, we are both tired. 

Tiredness, of course, means I am much slower at any type of school work (prep/grading/answering questions) done. This first year of teaching is an absolute blast - it's also absolutely exhausting when combined with a first year resident husband (I hear it gets better??) and two small tots.

Laura's radio show ("Late Nights with Laura!") is usually between 11-2:30 a.m., and last night was no exception. This was us at 2 a.m.

We went to 8 a.m. mass because Will got off his night shift at 7 a.m. and if I tried to get him up for a later mass, it would throw off his deep sleep. Needless to say, it was still tough to go from working all night to mass. He told me was trying to smile for this picture. I think the corners of his mouth are slightly up? Maybe I missed the American Gothic memo.

After we got the girls inside, Will went straight to bed. Laura took a nap, and Grace enjoyed presents from her parents and grandparents - and her first Easter basket!

Grace wore:

Dress: Hanna Andersson

Leggings: Hanna Andersson

Shoes: Keens (via Zappos)

She loves her basket.

She dedicated her time to spreading the Easter joy... 

... while I practiced letting go of the things I cannot control... like fun messes.

She had a very joy-filled Easter, and I am grateful for that. This was my first Easter away any extended family: just my family. 

I suppose I was worried that, if left to our own devises, Grace won't have the same fun memories I have with my large extended family. Every single holiday, I know exactly how we'll celebrate and (generally) who will be there. It's a little scary to establish your own traditions, melding favorites, faith and wants. 

Today, though we didn't have an Easter egg hunt or eat candy or play outside, was still fun. Simple and very one-on-two attention; we played together, and she helped me with a few chores. And when her dad woke up, it was two-for-two. Grace didn't care about any of the toys or books she received today: she only cared about attention and love from her parents.

That's what I'm taking forward into this Easter season - just as Christ gave himself to love, a love unto death - so I'm challenging myself to pay more attention. An accountability to Christ, who gave me my life and each sweet minute. To struggle more with him, rejoice more with him, and rest more with him. 

Laura wore:

hat & onesie: Vera Bradley Baby

Julie wore:

Top: Bravado nursing tank & cardigan (via consignment)

Necklace: Stella & Dot

Skirt: Ann Taylor (via ThredUp)

Bottoms: black tights & nude Steve Madden flats

My Lent was very sacrificial in necessary ways: new baby, less time/sleep, husband on night float ...

I want my Easter season to practice the renewal of spirit those struggles should produce. To free myself of the feeling of obligation, and to know that my duties are delights.

So, say it with me now: Alleluia! He is Risen!

{and:: linking with Fine Linen and Purple for the Easter Edition of What I Wore Sunday}

Lent: More Than Just a Season of Temptation

by Marianne Robison
{originally posted at UC's Newman Center blog}

I cannot remember a time when Girl Scout cookies did not arrive during Lent. Sitting smugly in their brightly colored cardboard boxes they seemed to mock my Lenten sacrifice, which, for many years, was invariably “no sweets.” In those moments I would begrudge the necessary self-denial of the Lenten season as well as all of the temptations which would inevitably ensue. It had seemed so easy to give something that I liked up on Ash Wednesday, but as the weeks progressed my resolve weakened. Growing up I wasn’t entirely certain how my sacrifice primed me for Easter besides the fact that I would be good and ready to stuff my face with chocolate when the holiday arrived.

Sometime in the last few years I realized that something was lacking in my understanding and in my approach to Lent. After all, this season is considered the pinnacle of the Catholic calendar year. It is during this time that we ought not to feel burdened (i.e. by our self-denial); rather, we ought to feel liberated as we strip ourselves of those vices which bind us more closely to the material things of the world than to a spiritual relationship with our Father in Heaven.

For, truly, that is the purpose of the Lenten season: to grow in love and appreciation of God.

We have marked 40 days of our calendar year as different from all the rest, and this is because this period of time is filled with spiritual opportunities. First and foremost, we have the opportunity to renew our appreciation of the ultimate sacrifice of love the world has ever seen. As we let the incredible significance of Jesus’ conquest over death sink in, we have the opportunity to find a new perspective on our lives and on our relationships and to remind ourselves once again that love conquers all.

Ideally, the period of Lent should be treated as a kind of extended retreat as we strip ourselves of those worldly things which may ensnare and enslave us. That being said, I know as well as any college student (or adult for that matter) that time stops for no man and that our responsibilities and obligations will not be reduced during this time period. Our to-do lists will not spontaneously shrink so as to accommodate time dedicated to prayer, since prayer is an activity which requires a definitive allotment of time to focus your energies towards God.

Or is it?

Certainly, focused contemplative prayer is extraordinarily useful in developing a deeper, more intimate bond with God, but the commitment and mental dedication for such an activity can often be so intimidating as to prevent us from engaging with God at all. We may shy away from the activity unless we are in the right mood or mindset. However, as Blessed John Henry Newman once said, “[Faith] is not a mere temporary strong act or impetuous feeling of the mind... but it is a habit, a state of mind, lasting and consistent.” (Magnificat, February 2015)

To build our relationship with God, the first step is to recognize that He exists beyond the prayer space. Once we realize that God’s spirit permeates every nook and cranny of this earth, we will also realize that every space is sacred. If every space is sacred that would mean that no matter where we are we are prompted to sanctify our actions.

So, this brings me to the meat and potatoes of my advice to my dear readers approaching this Lenten season, and which is stated most eloquently in the words of Saint Paul in the second reading on Sunday: “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Life may be characterized by nonstop activity, and I say this both in the sense of working adults as well as in the sense of biology. Organisms constantly interact with one another and all of the little cells in our bodies are constantly influencing each other simply because they exist together. It is in this ebb and flow of interaction that we can recognize the glory of God’s spirit as it prompts relationship between all of the elements of our world. The tiniest element of our world—an atom—moves aimlessly around until it bumps into another atom and then voila! The two become one in an entirely new molecule!

We humans are not so different from the rest of God’s creation as it is in our constant activity that we bond with others and grow as a result of our union. Granted, spiritual bonds are different things entirely from the kind of molecular bonds which I was talking about earlier, but the illustration is still useful. The point is that God created us all to be active creatures and our activity may therefore be blessed if it is done with a sense of appreciation and love for our creator.

I am here drawing upon the spiritual practices of Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection who “resolved to make the love of God the end of all his actions.” I would try to paraphrase some of his beautiful ideas, but he speaks far more eloquently than I can in his novel published posthumously and titled, The Practice of the Presence of God:

“Men invent means and methods of coming at God’s love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love... Is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for love of him?” 

“The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer, and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knees at the Blessed Sacrament.” (Magnificat, February 2015)

It is up for us this Lent to open ourselves to encountering God both in the quiet stillness of our hearts as well as in the business of everyday life.

Marianne is my hilarious, holy and helpful second sister (the fourth of us six kids); she is a double major in biology and English, with a minor in Spanish because we can't convince her to triple major.

A Whole New Year for Grace

Today is the start of Advent, the Christian new year. It is St. Andrew's feast day (join me for the novena! starts today!), and it is Grace Harriet's one year anniversary of her baptism!

Grace was baptized at Our Lord Christ the King Catholic Church in Cincinnati, Ohio - the parish I received three of my four sacraments. She was baptized by our parish priest, who married Will and I just shy of a year earlier.

The quest of Christian parents is to raise their children in the faith- but what did that mean for us? Will and I have explored different avenues, especially where a baby - who is definitely not at the age of reason - is concerned. We want her to be exposed to the Christian life and community, so that she may come to know Christ personally and see him in all around her when she is old enough to comprehend and be able to accept Catholicism with reason.

Tonight, we are going to light her baptismal candle and say the following with/for her:

V. Do you reject Satan?
R. I do.
V. And all his works?
R. I do. 
V. And all his empty promises?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the Virgin Mary was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting?
R. I do. 
V. God, the all-powerful Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has given us a new birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and forgiven all our sins. May he also keep us faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ for ever and ever.
R. Amen. 

We guide Grace to teach her about God, so that she may see truth through example and learning. Her father and I are still on our own spiritual journeys - and with Grace, we are given further incentive to seek goodness and God.

Happy new year in Christ, little daughter. May God continue to pour his blessings and mercy upon you!

Do you celebrate baptisms in your family? Or did you celebrate growing up? This is a new tradition we are starting in our family, and I am excited to see how the children like it as well in the years to come!

Why I Don't Ask About Future Babies

TW: babies, infertility, miscarriage

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I've never lost a baby in utero, but it's more common than many admit. Both my mother and my mother-in-law have children in Heaven, and my Father says that losing that baby (whom he calls "Joseph") is what firmly cemented him in the every-life-is-precious camp.

I am also in this camp: both my babies are miracles. I do not take either of them for granted. I have too many friends who have confided in me that they have lost a baby in utero, or have been unsuccessful in conceiving a dear one.

It's a common enough sentiment: a couple gets married -- So! when are you going to have a baby?!

Then, that baby is born. A few months later: So! when are you going to have another baby?!

Sometimes, people ask because they think you should wait. Other times, they ask because they hope it is soon. Most times, people are just being nosy.

Will and I have discerned differently about baby timings, and fortunately, so far, we've conceived both times under an agreed-upon time frame. After bebe deux is born next year, we will re-evaluate for when we'd like bebe tres to make a mark in the world. We will continue to re-evaluate and talk about it, which is one of the definite perks and intimacies of natural family planning.

But we're realistic that babies have their own timelines. That conception rates are under 25 percent. That we've been very, very, very lucky and blessed to have two under two.

When we ask people about their baby timelines, it brings up a lot of emotions: it brings up career fears and ambitions, it brings up longing and doubt, it brings up the serious side of sex and the true effort that goes into having a baby.

Not everyone is so lucky.

Many people will try for years. Some people suffer miscarriages, even multiple miscarriages. Those losses are not easy to move on from, and the woman's body often needs time to heal, as well as her spirit.

When I became pregnant with our second, I was ecstatic. It was exactly right. Will was excited, and this means our two babies will be babies together. We wanted the first two close in age.

Then, sadness draped over me like a mantle I could not take off. I couldn't tell anyone! Anyone who was married and trying, anyone I knew who was suffering from not becoming pregnant. This pregnancy would hurt them, deeply. I told my family and slowly told friends, and wondered when I should go public. Technically, I did not have to go public - but these days, I couldn't avoid having my picture taken for nine months, and then no one would notice the extra baby just happening to hang out with us...

After a month and a half of this sadness, I realized that it is good to rejoice over the happiness of our second, and there is a time to be sad with others.

I would never wish away my babies, but I can pray for those angels in Heaven, including my brother Joseph, and for their families on earth.

I should add that I do not mind discussing babies or future babies with the well-intentioned and loved ones; but there should be a spirit of discretion. I pray that the joy I have with my babies will inspire a love and want to pour out self-wants and fear, and fall in love with the little human who will always love you better than you can love yourself.

Now, back to the baby who is calling "mama!" to me...!

The Gift James Foley Gave Me

When I went upstairs this morning to tell Will about the essay I had read, I hadn't expected to start crying again.

I cried the first time promptly after finishing the last two sentences:

"If nothing else, prayer was the glue that enabled my freedom, an inner freedom first and later the miracle of being released during a war in which the regime had no real incentive to free us. It didn’t make sense, but faith did."

I was on our bed with Grace, and she giggled as I briefly cried, finished changing her diaper, put her down for a nap, and went upstair to Will's office.

I announced to him that I finally knew what I would write about for my Ignitum Today post due on Friday: an essay by James Foley, the American journalist beheaded by ISIS, for his alma mater Marquette University. It was written in 2011, after he was released from captivity in Libya.

He wrote about the power of prayer. He wrote about saying the rosary in his cell: the 100 Hail Marys on his knuckles; an Our Father between every 10 Hail Marys; how praying the rosary, like his mother and grandmother would do, helped keep his mind clear.

He prayed out loud with his colleague, Clare: "It felt energizing to speak our weaknesses and hopes together, as if in a conversation with God, rather than silently and alone."

He wrote about his conversation with his mother, and how prayer penetrates hearts, minds, and across continents:

“I’ve been praying for you to know that I’m OK,” I said. “Haven’t you felt my prayers?”
“Oh, Jimmy, so many people are praying for you. All your friends... Your brother Michael loves you so much.” She started to cry. “The Turkish embassy is trying to see you and also Human Rights Watch. Did you see them?” I said I hadn’t.
“They’re having a prayer vigil for you at Marquette. Don’t you feel our prayers?” she asked.
“I do, Mom, I feel them,” and I thought about this for a second. Maybe it was others’ prayers strengthening me, keeping me afloat.

That vision of the community of saints -- I couldn't shake it from me -- and how one person's faith can ground reality into another person. I thought about saying prayers with Grace before bed, and night prayers with Will before going to sleep. I thought about how much I struggle with getting to daily mass, and the constant distractions posed to each of us in an attempt to dissuade us from praying more and more - to lessen our communication with God.

There is a violent, religious war going on in the world. People are attempting to shape the world in their own image - an image of what they imagine Heaven should be, and are instead creating Hell. People are being beheaded, killed, raped, starved, exiled, beaten and tortured.

I am at home, bemoaning the laundry that has piled up, and that I need to clean up the downstairs before our babysitter candidate comes over for her interview. I know the work I do is important - taking care of one's family and home is a noble duty. But I need to seek more solitude and joy from the act of praying and the love of Scripture. I read when I "have time" and pray "when I can" -- but they should be more ingrained in our life. They should have more priority seating. My God is worth glorifying, and my faith is worth strengthening.

James Foley - may the angels sing you home, and may God welcome you into Heaven. Thank you for your words. Thank you for your witness. May the Lord continue to bless your family, and may they find solace in your life, heart and faith. Thank you for reminding me that the freedom of religion is not only a legal protection, but the freedom to practice my faith in both public and private. The freedom, as Blessed John Paul II said, to do what we ought.

Book Review: Under the Influence of Jesus

Under the Influence of Jesus: The Transforming Experience of Encountering Christ by Joe Paprocki (Loyola Press, 168 pages, $15.95)

Disclaimer: This book was sent to me by Loyola Press for my honest review.

Accessible, humorous, earnest, and faithful are all words I would use to describe the latest book by Joe Paprocki, a national consultant on faith formation for Loyola Press.

Paprocki discusses what a relationship with Jesus is and is not, and how it manifests in our hearts. What happens when we are truly inebriated with the love of Christ is a “subtle but observable” transformation in our personal lives, one to prompt others to ask us about our joy (1 Peter 3:15).

The book is manageable, sitting under 200 pages. The writing style is conversational. Paprocki frequently invokes modern culture to help make a clear picture or better connection for the reader. For people looking to have a more intimate, sincere relationship with Jesus, he also gives practical advice about how best to start, grow, and truly know the greatness of our God.

I love Papracki’s advice on “vision therapy” and how to daily engage your senses to recognize God in your life. He shows a very real and alive faith, and explains the habits we can form to encourage our journey to carry our own cross.

Too often, people feel pressure to “be” a certain kind of Christian. Paprocki writes, “Likewise, the Gospels make it clear that following Jesus, while transformative at the spiritual level, does not require us to become something we are not. Rather, we are to become a more authentic version of who we are, continuing to do what we do but with a new, single-hearted focus.” In Christ, we are fully ourselves, and we use our unique gifts to help serve the Church and our fellow humans. Peter and Paul were both essential to the Church, just as Mary and Martha served the Lord in different ways. It is in our individuality that joy is made manifest to many.

The book shows the multi-faceted sides of our Lord, and warmly brings the reader in; the Scripture passages used feel well-timed and placed. Paprocki reminds us that “Jesus does not desire fans who cheer from the sidelines but rather friends who will roll up their sleeves and work shoulder to shoulder with him to build the kingdom of God.” Discipleship is an invitation for more; a desire planted in the heart to serve.

Paprocki invites the readers to personally know Jesus: the Word made flesh - for “it touched heaven, but it stood upon the earth” (Wisdom 18:16). This book is worth studying and savoring in the pursuit to best know our faith. The title of the book refers to the centuries old prayer Anima Christi: “Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me.” The book encourages us all to experience life in Christ, and with him.

Originally posted at Ignitum Today

Adventure Is Out There

As seen at The Mirror Magazine

This one's for the independent gal, wondering where her life is going - wondering what's she's doing, and if she's missing something, and where her time is truly going.

Adventure is out there! And you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not intended to stand still, unless it is to feel the breeze or catch the rain. You are never "stuck" - and if you find yourself waiting, use the time well.

10. Read a book.

What is more precious than developing your mind? Catch up on old favorites (Ella Enchanted, anyone?) and new finds. Move away from the laptop and your phone, and just fall into the coziness of reading (or listening to books on tape, if that is better!).

9. Drink and be merry! 

Sometimes, a good beer can just hit the spot. Or chilled red wine with dinner - divine. Even better - visit a winery, or a brewery, or a distillery, if that's more your flavor. Take a friend (or family member), sign up for a tour, and enjoy yourself.

8. Find purpose in your work.

Why are you working in that job? It is one thing to make money (which is a very important); it is another thing to find joy. Yes, there are hard days, and there will be worse days, but what makes you keep at it? What makes you tick? How do you feel after doing a good job? Do you need more feedback? Are you open to criticism? Talk to your boss; be on the same page so that you can be the best member of the team possible.

7. Keep up with friends.

In this age of technology, do more than a "what's up?" text. Keep them updated on your life via e-mail, handwritten letter or phone call, and be just as earnest to talk about their life. Be open to friends not being close to you any more, and open to finding new friends as well. There are so many people on this adventure - stick to the ones who stick to you.

6. Explore possibilities.

As an introvert, it can be very daunting to try new things, but very rewarding as well. I took tennis lessons when I was younger and enjoyed them, but never got particularly good as my family plays for kicks and giggles. After college, since I am never going to play lacrosse again, or soccer seriously, I decided it was time for a new venture. I took lessons at our swim club, and lo and behold! I was not the worst or the best! And I made a few tennis buddies of my own.

The biggest hardship for many people is remembering that, more likely than not, people are interested in making friends. You will not click with everyone, and having a good conversation does not mean you're destined to be BFFs-forever-and-ever, but as Rudyard Kipling says,  "One man in a thousand, Solomon says,/ Will stick more close than a brother./ And it's worth while seeking him half your days/ If you find him before the other." Take a genuine interest in other people; it'll be nice to step outside yourself for a while.

5. Accept second-best and pursue your passions.

If you want to learn how to knit, do it because you want to, not because you must create the perfect hat on the first try. If you want to learn to fish, you might not catch any fish the first few times. If you go canoeing or kayaking, you may tip over. If you learn calligraphy, it might look like you got drunk with a fancy pen. And that's okay. Do what you love, or think you're going to love - why wait?

4. Travel!

This is the best part of the adventure - going on your own. Traveling is not limited to outside the country, either; there are so many beautiful places in America, even if you go an hour away to a big state park for a picnic lunch and a short hike - what a trip! Outside the country is great as well, but is a different sort of adventure, complete with higher expenses, a possible different language barrier, and less spontaneity.

Of course, if your co-traveler speaks the language... even better!

I also highly recommend traveling with a loved one, both family and friend. The memories you'll make are irreplaceable!

3. Be content.

There is no one made like you, and your challenges are unique. They are hard, and they are going to flavor your life in their own way. But don't let them overwhelm you! Everything can be conquered: poverty, poor self-image, sadness, lack of direction. Be kind to yourself, wonderful you! You're

2. Be brave.



Keep the door open for change! Take a job that isn't your dream job, write on your blog, go out with someone who isn't "perfect", volunteer, speak your mind, respect others, and be open to whatever comes your way -- especially if it's not part of "the plan"! Sometimes, those detours are the most fun.

(Hat tip to my sister, who sent me this video - and cheers to one of the bravest people I know!)

1. Keep it loose, keep it tight.



Amos Lee sings, "But sometimes,/ We forget what we got,/ Who we are./ Oh who are are not./ I think we gotta chance,/ To make it right."

Don't forget who you are, dear reader. Don't get caught up in other people's passions or problems. Don't let another person's dark cloud find its way over your head. Don't let Pintrest make you feel inadequate. Don't let another person's happiness take away from your own. We're all on a different journey, and yours is amazing.

Any more ideas for adventures, dear readers?

What Makes Me Cringe

Story 101 - week 3 prompt: Whatever you do, write outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

"What Makes Me Cringe"

Free verse poetry, to start.
I cringe when I see people write write write
No form. No rhyme. Just rhythm.
I love writing but in doing so, I leave myself open for comment
Those confrontational comments, challenging: no mercy, all out.
I could make a list of people I'd like to apologize to me;
Then apologize, too, cringing through the litany of humility.

I try not to think of all the mistakes I make, I've made.
I try not to dwell, I try to remember, I'm not dead. I'm stronger
Than I believe, and smarter than I think (to paraphrase
Christopher Robin to Winnie-the-Pooh)
I'm worthy, I'm a daughter of the Lord
and Steve and Gigi; daughter-in-law too--
Granddaughter, sister, niece, cousin, wife.

What really makes me cringe is the thought of losing hope.
But I've walked through the spiritual desert; I still drink the water
I still bleed. Bleed because I am alive - alive enough to suffer,
Alive because I love another more than myself, lay down my life
Hold a child in my womb and can't-believe-how-blessed-I-am
Maybe life lacks rhyme, and the rhythm is off,
but nothing to cringe over: life, my life, is enough. Is Beautiful.

Regret-less Sex

Originally published at The Mirror Magazine (July 8, 2013)

Life isn't always what you expect, and this post I'm writing was not my initially chosen topic. Instead, I'm writing in response to a few articles I read today, and a conversation I had with one of my husband's classmates.

Today is Will's first day of school for his Master's program, and there was an open reception which I invited myself to as his special guest. Nothing fancy: his classmates, the program directors and corresponding staff, and me, the pregnant lady in the striped dress. The girl next to me and I struck up a conversation, gaining speed as we realized she grew up about 45 minutes from where my husband went to college. We talked about our shared faith, her boyfriend, my pregnancy, where we came from and why we moved to New Orleans.

"Sorry if this is too forward," she said suddenly, "But do you use Natural Family Planning?"

"We do," I said.

"Was the pregnancy planned?" she asked.

"Yes," I said as my husband said "No."

I smiled, and explained that we conceived on my P3 day, which is the third day past my Peak Day and the last day of my fertile time. We knew we could get pregnant if we had sex, and rolled the dice. We got pregnant. Will says "no" because we had originally planned on waiting to try for a mini-us till the fall, but we also had sex knowing we could become pregnant.

She smiled and nodded, and the conversation went on. It wasn't awkward, as the over-details I shared above may seem. I share those details because I need people to know: creation is no mistake.

The babble I hear surrounding sex is dehumanizing. Another couple broken up over infidelity. Pornography distorting love between people. Abortion on demand, with no apologies. Support contraceptives because then abortions will be reduced. Unrealistic sex-pectations, less romance and true love. And, more recently, a friend's testimony about how being raised Catholic made sex (especially pre-marital sex) a source of fear, shame and guilt.

In all of this, I think of my husband, I think of my baby, and I think of the dignity my faith gives me as a woman.

Drawn by Bill Donaghy

My husband Will and I married each other with the understanding that we will always be married. We married without having sex beforehand, and we married with the expectation of growing our family size from two to many in its formative years. We married in the Catholic Church, of which we are active members. We have different spiritual lives, but the same faith. Before we married, we prepared our bodies for marriage by first preparing our hearts and minds. We talked about everything! We agreed, disagreed, reasoned, compromised, and worked together, hand in hand, in the making of "us". Without us, together, there can be no children.

As a couple, we practiced a lot of self-control while we were dating and engaged. Those biological wants, needs and desires are not reserved for the non-believers: they are human wants, needs, and desires. But a person doesn't lose weight by eating chocolate cake and then throwing it up anymore than a person can have consequence-less sex - there are always emotional ties if not physically bonding ones. And more often than not, the "consequence" is a tiny human being, whose life should not be terminated "with no apologies".

Greg Pfundstein writes at The Corner,

President Johnson’s fruitless War on Poverty kicked off the nation’s misguided birth-control crusade with grants for “family planning” in 1965. The effort was redoubled in 1970 when, thanks to the efforts of John D. Rockefeller III and George H. W. Bush, Title X of the Public Health Service Act was signed into law by Richard Nixon the day after Christmas. Since 1970, the out-of-wedlock birthrate has tripled to 41 percent. With the help of the Supreme Court with its 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, we have also seen the number of abortions spike through the 1980s and reach an equilibrium today at between 1.2 and 1.3 million annually. Both results are at least unexpected from the perspective of a public policy based on the premise that access to contraception will decrease the rate of unintended pregnancies.

The family planning my husband and I do is scientific and based on my body's natural signs. Just as I prefer eating organic and hormone-free food, I am not inclined to put hormonal birth control pills into my body when I am only fertile 5-6 days a month (or 60-72 days out of 365 - below 20% of my year).

Moreover, the reason couples who practice NFP have a 2-5% divorce rate is not because the pool of participants is so small - it is because of the constant communication the couple has about their sex life. And after you've talked about mucus with your loved one, there really isn't anything a person can't discuss openly. Communication is the bedrock of relationships, of love, and essential in decision-making.

Sex is empowering because I have my husband's total love, trust and faithfulness. I find sex beautiful, amazing and dignity-enhancing, and I am sorry when people's experiences with the Church's teachings on sexuality are negative and guilt-ridden. But their experiences do not negate the true beauty of the Church's teachings, especially Theology of the Body. I know that I opposed sex before marriage when I was younger because I knew people who had been pressured into it, and that scared me. I did not want to be pressured - I wanted to have it freely. I opposed it when I was older when I saw how friends reacted when their boyfriends treated them, used them, dumped them. Will and I talked about what would happen if we had sex before marriage, and agreed: it would be great, but we would regret it. It would feel great, but it would not be as great as having the sacramental all-access pass to the whole person.

There are no regrets in my marriage when we have sex. There are no regrets that I am pregnant so soon after marriage. There are no regrets in sharing all of this, because I want people to know. Sex does not have to be split between the "good" and the "bad", but rather the "true love" and the "love-ish." The -ish means, "I love you but": but not your fertility, but not your baggage, but not your hips, but not all of you. True love means, I love all of you; I will cherish you when I am angry, I will appreciate you when you annoy me, I will trust you above all others, and protect your heart in mine.

It's okay to be scared of pregnancy - Mary was frightened by the angel came to her. She was going to be a seen as having a child out-of-wedlock, and her engagement was almost broken off. She was being given a huge responsibility, a child, the child of God. That wasn't an easy "yes" she said.

NFP isn't easy. Self-control isn't easy. Marriage isn't easy. But they're all worth it. True love is worth it. Protecting the dignity and lives of other human beings is worth it. Supporting mothers is worth it. Honoring fathers is worth it.

And when my baby kicks me in the middle of the night, I know it -- the baby, my marriage, full-of-consequence sex -- is worth it.

Leah: You Say That's Exactly How This Grace Thing Works

In honor of Leah Libresco of Unequally Yoked converting to Catholicism, here is a little Cormac McCarthy:

The old man swung his head back and forth. The way of the transgressor is hard. God made this world, but he didnt make it to suit everbody, did he?

I don't believe he much had me in mind.

Aye, said the old man. But where does a man come by his notions. What world's he seen that he liked better?

I can think of better places and better ways.

Can ye make it be?

No.

No. It's a mystery. A man's at odds to know his mind cause his mind is aught he has to know it with. He can know his heart, but he dont want to. Rightly so. Best not to look in there. It aint the heart of a creature that is bound in the way that God has set for it. You can find meanness in the least of creatures, but when God made man the devil was at his elbow. A creature that can do anything. Make a machine. And a machine to make the machine. And evil can run itself a thousand years, no need to tend it. You believe that?

I don't know.

Believe that.

--Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian

(I do so enjoy that passage. Hat tip to my Southern Lit. prof, Dr. Sommerville!)

Welcome home, Leah! You've been in my prayers for so long. God is so good!

Let us all pray for Leah, each other, and all those seeking Truth. Just as we'll never know what happened to Paul on the road to Damascus, we glean that each life has a its own path to God through Christ which shall never end in this world.

Oh, and here's a little Mumford and Sons, which is more than appropriate to blast for any occasion!

 

 Oh happy Monday!!!!!!!

Talking About God Ain't TMI

Happy World Communication Day! In the Gospel today, before Jesus ascended into Heaven, he told us to go and preach the Gospel to EVERYONE, including the sneaky snakes and the ones who try to poison the culture.

Here's RomeReports on it:

 

As a confirmed and practicing Catholic, I have a duty to share the Gospel with believers in fellowship and non-believers in faith. This does not mean that I am responsible for someone converting or seeing the light, but rather remembering that we all have a role to play, if only to plant a seed.

This also does not mean that I know everything; Catholics do not become search engines upon receiving the Holy Spirit upon them (though I would have loved to pick up a language or two from Pentecost!). This is where we learn patience, humility, and understanding, all while holding onto our faith.

There will always be something to learn, something to see a different way, something to explain a different way - this is because our God is an awesome God, and he fits into and sanctifies the culture: this gives us reason, too, to live in the world without being of the world.

May your Sunday be blessed and your life bear much fruit, if only for the glory of God!

No Catholic Happy-o-Meter?

Gregory Wolfe, in his essay "Ever Ancient, Ever New: The Catholic Writer in the Modern World":

By the end of the novel, Sebastian and Cordelia are also living stunted and sad lives. But, as happens so often in the fiction of Evelyn Waugh, a throwaway phrase contains the core of the novel’s meaning: “happiness doesn’t seem to have much to do with it.” 

For Waugh, the notion that the life of faith ought to lead inevitably to worldly prosperity and what the pop psychologists call “wellness” is both unrealistic and dangerous. In a fallen world, afflicted by evil and stupidity, happiness can never be a gauge of fidelity to God. To think otherwise is to confuse happiness, with its bourgeois connotations of comfort and freedom from any burdens, with blessedness, or what Catholics call the “state of grace”. Catholics, Waugh believed, have always clung to the foot of the cross, profoundly and intuitively aware of what the Spanish philosopher Unamuno called “the tragic sense of life”.

Evelyn Waugh

As quoted in "Happiness Vs. Blessedness" by Ron Dreher (in The American Conservative)

H/T Wesley Hill's tumblr, writing in the dust

Rest In Peace! And Keep In Touch

TBM Topic 32: Pray for the Living and the Dead

"Rest In Peace! And Keep In Touch" by Julie Robison
Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!


During Lent, we will be discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy.

Why pray for the living and the dead?

This Lent, we Bright Maidens have been discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy. This topic is a good one for Lent because

1. The spiritual works of mercy are reminders of our unofficial duties as Christians (verses the precepts of the Church); they're ways people can attempt to better their spiritual lives through daily graces verses physically abstaining from foods or forms of entertainment, too.
2. The marriage between the spiritual and earthly world can be tangibly shown.
3. The marriage between grace and works can be manifest in writing, as well as in thoughts and actions.

The last point is an important point: some Christians say praying for the dead is useless and unbiblical. If that's the case, then so is praying for the living. If our fate is so fixed, why ask God for help? Why seek a relationship with Jesus if believing in him is enough?

Praying is how we communicate with God, be it in praise, penitence, thanksgiving or petition. It can be freeing and intimate. It can also be humbling and intimidating. Life is overwhelming, and even starting prayer may be difficult. Luckily, even sitting quietly in the presence of God is praying. Taking time to listen to God is just as important as talking with him. In this way, we can pray without ceasing! (1 Thessalonians 5:17) This is how all relationships work at a human level.

When Blessed John Paul II was asked how the pope prays, he responded, "You would have to ask the Holy Spirit! The Pope prays as the Holy Spirit permits him to pray. I think he has to pray in a way in which, deepening the mystery revealed in Christ, he can better fulfill his ministry. The Holy Spirit certainly guides him in this. But man must not put up obstacles" (Crossing the Threshold of Hope).

At a convent's cemetery in Salzburg

Praying for others is just as important as your personal relationship with God. As we humans are all interconnected, it is an act of fraternal charity. Moreover, not praying for a person because "they are dead" insinuates that there is not a communion between Heaven and Earth. People departed from this life are not gone; they are at a higher level of communion with God.

This is why Catholics pray to saints; not "to" them, as one would pray to God, but to them like we ask our family and friends to pray for and with us. I pray to St. Anthony (patron of lost things) fairly often. I could pray directly to God, but I like including my saintly friends in my daily tasks. If a person work in a big corporation, would they go to their boss for every little thing? Or do you ask a co-worker to help you out with a minor problem?

This is not to imply that we should not pray to God for the little things: but remember, he already knows all. So he might be sending an angle to watch over you, or a new friend into your life, to help guide and shape you. In the Gospel of John, a story is told in which Jesus gives Peter the power and strength to continue his ministry:

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 

He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” [Jesus] said to him, “Feed my sheep” (John 21:15-17).

So, we too must continue this ministry, out of love of God. So, too, we must pray for the living and the dead, out of love for self and neighbor. Praying for all people is biblical, as well as being part of a Christian's core mission.

Prayer is an act (work) of love. Even Billy Joel got that in his scandalous song, "Only the Good Die Young": You said your mother told you/  All I could give you was a reputation/ Ah she never cared for me/ But did she ever say a prayer for me?"

There is one mediator between God and humans, and that is Christ (1 Timothy 2:5); but there are billions of helpmates to be found on earth and in heaven, continuing the mission of Christ, peacefully and together. This is why we pray for the living and the dead: to partake in this life, an extraordinary one, and rejoice in the hope with encapsulates all of us as members of the body of Christ, the great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1).

Church in Munich, Germany

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, thankful for your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel thus about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. 


For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:3-11)

John Paul II and the Authentic Life

"No one can live a trial life; no one can love experimentally." --Blessed John Paul II

Today, on the seventh anniversary of the death of the Pope most families grew up under, I pause to reflect how one man, our earthly spiritual leader, could have such a profound affect on our world. I remember reading in Time Magazine, how four non-believers were sent to interview the Pope, and all four could feel the presence of something more. Even if you do not intellectually believe, there is a more inner part of a person that embrace revelation and acknowledges God without a needed word. The Pope's serious faith and humility of his position gave way to great fruit, and helped people find freedom in Christ, when this world offered none of it.

How bold he was! Proclaiming Christ, showing us, not just telling us, Do Not Be Afraid! When the world seems so dark and broken, the light of Christ shines through the peep hole, giving us the needed hope. John Paul II was that messenger of hope, the spiritual leader of the Roman Catholic Church on earth, and the friend I never met, and still love very dearly.

Moreover, we are indebted to Pope John Paul II for not letting Cardinal Ratzinger retire, and thus helping give the Church one of her best and most brilliant popes, Pope Benedict XVI.

For the repose of the soul of Pope John Paul II, and all those souls in need of our prayers, let us pray!

How did Pope John Paul II affect you? Did he affect you? Did you see the effects of his life on others?

Stairway to Sacrilege

Ok Go, an alternative rock band known for catchy beats and viral YouTube videos, recently released a video in a Chevy commercial. The band drove a Chevy car through a two mile track of instruments, releasing their latest song, "Needing/Getting."

Their opening is, "I've been waiting for months, waiting for years, waiting for you to change./ Aw, but there ain't much that's dumber, there ain't much that's dumber/ Than pinning your hopes on a change in another./ And I, yeah, I still need you; but what good's that gonna do?/ Needing is one thing, and getting: getting's another."

This song, though about a girl, plays nicely into a recent NYT op-ed by psychologist Jonathan Haidt entitled, "Forget the Money, Follow the Sacredness." He writes to show the Right and Left's cultural narratives and their amazing ability to talk past each other on issues.

Continue reading at The Imaginative Conservative >>>>>>>>

Roaring Like A Lion

The Newsboys rock.



My computer will be back in 7-10 business days after I spilled three cups of coffee on it about two weeks ago. Actual posts of follow the return of my dear Dell!

One Year Closer To Renting A Car

I've been doing a lot of thinkin' lately, and this quote by William F. Buckley, Jr. really drives home my thought process into one sentence: "I mean to live my life an obedient man, but obedient to God, subservient to the wisdom of my ancestors; never to the authority of political truths arrived at yesterday at the voting booth."

But more on that later. I've been a little slow on the posts, and that is due to my work load and the 3 cups of coffee I spilled on my computer last week. Thanks for your patience, friends, and for sticking around.

In other news, I am 24 today! Y'all are the best presents a writer could ask for... and a fixed computer!

When I went to college, my family gave our dog my birthday... so now we share! She's 42 in dog years.

Who knows what blessings this next year will hold? Happy March 12!

Questions and Faith

TBM Topic 27: Counsel the Doubtful

"Questions and Faith" by Julie Robison
Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!


During Lent, we will be discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy every week.

Anything worth knowing begins with a question. ‎Philosopher Etienne Gibson wrote, "Faith comes to intelligence as a light that overflows it with joy and inspires it with a certitude that does away with question."

I like asking questions, so perhaps I'm sympathetic towards the doubters of this world. I like to see them as truth-seekers, wishing to truly know and understand the kind of magnitude God has to offer us. I also like figuring out answers. If something doesn't seem right, I push the subject till I am satisfied. If I still lack total comprehension, especially in terms of theology, I don't mind. I read on. I think about it more, talk about it, pray about it.

But I never doubt God.

Perhaps this sounds prideful. Maybe it sounds like I've got this God response system down pat. I pray, he responds. No doubt about it.

Or maybe I take my place as his child more seriously. When Dad talks, I listen. When Dad says I can't do something, I ask why. He tells me. I might ask a different way. He shows me. When I don't understand, I look at it a different way. When I don't agree, I seek his guidance to discern why the Mother Church leads me to believe such a thing.

What I love most about the Catholic Church is how she guides souls - authoritatively, gently, and humbly. She is sure of herself because her bridegroom is Christ. Her children may wander, but she is there to guide them home when they wish to return.

The hardest part about faith, I think, is that it is a choice. I choose to believe in God. I choose to believe Jesus is the Savior of the world. There are a lot of reasons why I choose these belief systems, and none of them have to do with making my life easier and more enjoyable. I like facts, so the resurrection place in history cements Jesus' authenticity as God, verses a wise man who taught us good things thousands of years ago. Everything stems from that.

The doubtful must be counseled because it shows love towards their human development. Man must know God or remain incomplete as a person. Doubt is not a bad thing either - but it should be used as the fuel towards belief, guiding one's prayer.

Last night, as I was playing Euchre with my fiance and his parents, I told the dealer to pick up the card and B. visibly grimaced. He didn't know I had the two highest cards, plus one more to trump. I asked him, "Don't you trust me?" and his expression turned to pure confidence. We won all five hands of that game.

God is no card player, but he does hold the ultimate trump card. The readings yesterday show us how God the Father did not make Abraham sacrifice his only son, setting up the world to see the great significance and sacrifice God the Son made, to willingly die for the atonement of our sins.

The doubtful may see all the negative parts of God before they choose to see the good, but the road to Damascus is not any easy one for any person. There can be no discipleship without the cross. As Pope Benedict XVI reminds us, "The cross reminds us that there is no true love without suffering, there is no gift of life without pain."

Counsel the doubtful out of love, and perhaps the burden of doubt will turn into a freedom to believe.

For those truly struggling, as I have, I recommend praying a novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.