This is my Confession: A Lesson in Humility

We're home from vacation!

Not as restful as vacation should be... the girls never sleep well away from home, but Grace officially (and successfully!) slept in a bed! Every night! The funny memories came when we put her down for a nap, only to see her knocking on the glass sliding door leading to the porch.

Sunday's second reading really hit home for me. Ephesians 4:1-6, emphasis mine:

Brothers and sisters:
I, a prisoner for the Lord,
urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another through love,
striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace:
one body and one Spirit,
as you were also called to the one hope of your call;
one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
one God and Father of all,
who is over all and through all and in all.

Humility. Gentleness. Patience. Bearing in love. Unity through the bond of peace. 

What a tall order! What is needed more in this world - in the public and private spheres.

My failings are obvious: I was crabby for half of vacation. I can freely admit this now, having gotten way more sleep now that we are back home. I didn't want to be, and I tried not to be, and, at Will's gentle urging, I ended up apologizing to every member of my family for the fog I felt around me. They, of course, were gracious and understanding (as they cuddled my children).

So, this past Saturday, I went to Confession. It seemed to be the thing to do after vacation, plus Will had fallen asleep on the couch instead of in bed (another no-sleep SICU shift left him passed out before he finished his lunch), and the girls needed to get out of the house. I took the girls with me on a penitential trip when I went to the wrong parish at the wrong time. I went an hour early to the one farther from our house, and decided to not risk missing my turn by driving to the other parish.

We creepily followed the older lady up to the church steps, only then seeing the sign that confession was in an hour. She offered to let us in, but I balked, saying I would take a walk with the girls instead.

Mistake. It was SO HOT OUTSIDE. We said half a rosary, and hurried back to the cool air condition to wait out the rest of the 40 minutes. Grace and Laura were very reasonably behaved, especially considering Grace was missing her second nap for mama's reconciliation.

Finally, it was almost time for Father to come out. The older lady re-approached me, and introduced herself as Monica, the sacristan before 5 p.m. mass. She offered to watch the girls while I was in the booth. I piled the girls into their double stroller and off they went! Monica very slowly pushed them around the church, and it seemed to calm them both into silence.

Father came out: I stood awkwardly, allowing him to put out his little name plate before I dove into the kneeler. It had been too long since my last confession.

And it was a good one. I felt my heart being opened. The beauty of confession is that, while Christ already knows all, you are the one that brings forth your sin and admits to them. You must present yourself honestly, humbly and with the dignity of knowing you are wrong, and determine to do right. The priest is a minister of Christ: in persona Christi, in the person of Christ. ("Only Christ is the true priest, the others being only his ministers" as St. Thomas Aquinas said, as quoted in the Catechism). This man of God listened to me, and responded so gently and thoughtfully that I finally had to say,

"Father, that is my child screaming."

Yes, in an attempt to quiet Laura's more frequent whining, the lady had picked up Laura, who then realized her own mother was not pushing the stroller, and thus decided to test the acoustics in the buttressed church.

She was full-out crying. Father acknowledged this, and continued his counsel. I have to tell you: I expected to feel mortified. I did not. I felt love.

I felt the love of this priest, counseling me.
I felt the love of the Lord through the sacraments.
I felt the love of a community of believers as they (yes, I walked out to many) tried to pacify my daughter. (Grace was shockingly calm! They usually pair up when one starts crying.)
I felt the love of my baby daughter, crying out for her mother.
I felt the love of forgiveness; the love of mercy.

I also thought of Hell, which is not to be feared for its flames, but rather, the total absence of God. Laura felt my absence, and wailed. I thought, This is what brings me back to mass every week, and to confession: my soul screams for God because I love him, even when I am not feeling amorous. Sin does that - pushes us away from God. Reconciliation brings us back.

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen. (An Act of Contrition)

As I walked out of the booth, I felt light and immediately went to pick up Laura, red in the face and sobbing. As I held her, even for those brief first moments, she calmed down and stopped crying. My child, I love you. I said this to Laura. God says this to each of us.

The lady then offered to help me to the door ("You can say your prayers later, okay?") and I laughed a little at the whole scenario. I buckled Laura back into her seat, thanked the lady, and off we went. Both girls ended up falling asleep before we arrived at our next destination: the grocery store.

That was the first time I've wrangled both girls to confession by myself, and surely not to be my last. It was, more importantly, another opportunity to say "I am sorry." We're teaching Grace to say "sorry" - she says "uh oh!" when she drops things, which is super cute, except when it's on purpose/ food-related. I repeat ad nauseam: "Uh oh! You did that on purpose, Grace! Let's say, Sorry Mama!"

Is Grace saying "sorry" yet? No. Does she understand what "sorry" means? Absolutely. Today, Will and I were busy cleaning, etc. and not paying close attention to Grace. She became absolutely irate at us, and we scooped her up and placed her on our bed. She wouldn't look at us. We sat with her, explained that we were cleaning, we love her and we are sorry she is feeling upset. We apologized to her and asked for a hug. She hugged us both.

It's essential for me to model humility; the inability to admit one is wrong (or might be wrong) is a harmful vice - it leads to dishonesty, stubbornness and a close-mindedness that is hard to crack. I want my children to know that struggling is okay. Struggling breeds innovation if positively encouraged.

Pride is forever my confession-worthy vice, but I, a disciple of the Lord, "urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace."

Love like a child, forgive like the Lord. God, keep me humble! (Ouch, this prayer is going to hurt.)

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A Whole New Year for Grace

Today is the start of Advent, the Christian new year. It is St. Andrew's feast day (join me for the novena! starts today!), and it is Grace Harriet's one year anniversary of her baptism!

Grace was baptized at Our Lord Christ the King Catholic Church in Cincinnati, Ohio - the parish I received three of my four sacraments. She was baptized by our parish priest, who married Will and I just shy of a year earlier.

The quest of Christian parents is to raise their children in the faith- but what did that mean for us? Will and I have explored different avenues, especially where a baby - who is definitely not at the age of reason - is concerned. We want her to be exposed to the Christian life and community, so that she may come to know Christ personally and see him in all around her when she is old enough to comprehend and be able to accept Catholicism with reason.

Tonight, we are going to light her baptismal candle and say the following with/for her:

V. Do you reject Satan?
R. I do.
V. And all his works?
R. I do. 
V. And all his empty promises?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the Virgin Mary was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting?
R. I do. 
V. God, the all-powerful Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has given us a new birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and forgiven all our sins. May he also keep us faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ for ever and ever.
R. Amen. 

We guide Grace to teach her about God, so that she may see truth through example and learning. Her father and I are still on our own spiritual journeys - and with Grace, we are given further incentive to seek goodness and God.

Happy new year in Christ, little daughter. May God continue to pour his blessings and mercy upon you!

Do you celebrate baptisms in your family? Or did you celebrate growing up? This is a new tradition we are starting in our family, and I am excited to see how the children like it as well in the years to come!

Lent: Spiritual and the Physical Needs

TBM Topic #39: Lent

At Ash Wednesday service, Father spoke about Lent being a time of positive change, not just avoiding sweets. I really took this to heart, as no sweets + {spiritual discipline} is my go-to Lenten offering.

This year, I am going in a different path: discipline.

Oh, how I need more discipline! I am distracted and focused and productive, but not disciplined. I am working on discipline because it is accountability. It is understanding that I am responsible for me. It is me taking care of me (with the help of others, mainly Will and God); it is acknowledging my weakness and offering it all up to Christ, who is the only one who gives me the grace and strength I need each day.

My Lenten Disciplines

• Confession every two weeks (minimum)
• Rosary every night with Will
• Forgiving a person who hurt me in the past
• Bed by 11 p.m.
• Exercise 3x/ week (minimum)

First, the spiritual disciplines:

Confession and rosary are two spiritual disciplines we (as a couple and as a family) have been trying to do more often, and Lent is providing a wonderful opportunity for us to be more serious about it. We usually combine a nice long walk with saying the rosary, which helps with the weekly exercise goal too.

In addition to the rosary, I like using Scripture for a deeper and more meditative prayer. For Christmas, my father gave all of his kids a small book entitled The Scriptural Rosary: A Modern Version of the Way the Rosary was Once Prayed Throughout Western Europe in the Late Middle Ages and it gorgeous. {My dad bought it at the local Catholic book store - the link works too.}

Forgiveness of said person is the one only I can solve with Christ. I have verbalized it to that person (not always the answer for difficult situations, but it was appropriate for this one), and from there, I learn to let go and forgive so that this life is not filled with the regret that anger and grudges often weighs heavily against the grudger more than the accused.

By victimizing one's circumstances, even if justified, it can cripple one's ability to truly experience life. There will still be hurts and disappointments, but there will also be more causes for joy and love. It is about switching one's mindset from victim to survivor. It is about meaning the words when I pray "and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

I can say that, while all is not solved, Christ has already given me so much peace in my heart that was certainly not there before; he has given me a second chance at a better relationship with said person and him too, whose love I was not fully accepting because my anger kept me at bay. Since letting go, I am freer. I am happier. I am more at peace. I wish this for all struggling to forgive, or feel forgiven.


'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far/ And grace will lead me home.

Now, physical discipline:

I really struggle in these areas. Tell me not to eat that cookie, fine. Mastered.

But bed by 11 p.m.?

Yeah, that has hardly happened yet. I get so excited at Grace being asleep that I do ALL THE THINGS!!! Nonetheless, Will's been giving me the "sleep when your baby sleeps" speech, because I am a mess in the morning. We are moving into sleep training, but once 5 a.m. hits, all bets are off. Grace is so happy to be alive and is ready to groove. I am staring at her through bleary eyes because I stayed up too late.

Tonight is another night, right?

Grace in the morning. So happy and ready to go!

Which moves me into exercise... one reason I stay up is because I have all my energy at night, and the horrible staying up cycle continues. I love being active; I hate feeling like I am out of shape or too tired to even go on a walk. I try to keep up with postpartum exercise videos, but it's so beautiful outside, and I want to get more cardio. I am currently using the Couch to 5k app, and that is a wonderful motivator for me. I've been given a glorious body, and I would hate to waste it and all its potential because I do not make its upkeep a priority.

The quote for last night's walk/run was "The longest journey begins with a small step taken by a brave person."

That is what Lent is: a small step towards our longer life journey. Lent is not about getting beach-bod ready or other external fixes; it's about internal. It's a way of the cross. It's taking up our own cross. It's saying, These are my human weaknesses, Jesus (as you already know): I acknowledge them, and I offer them up to you during these 40 days.

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Join the Bright Maidens on Facebook and follow us on Twitter! Let us know what you are doing this Lent!

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Bonus discipline: being careful with our food budget, and giving the saved funds to the Catholic Relief Services Rice Bowl Fund! Look for the small things you can do in your life, not the big motions. Giving $20 is better than giving nothing because you cannot give hundreds of dollars.

Grace Harriet's Baptism

Grace Harriet was baptized on November 30 at 11 a.m. in Our Lord Christ the King Catholic Church, the same church Will and I were married in, and by the same priest, Fr. Ed Smith. (It was so lovely having her baptized at home, surrounded by our large family!)

Almost everyone was there to celebrate! (Grace's godmother, my dear friend Heather, is currently studying art history in Scotland. My sister Marianne was her proxy.)

My brother John is her godfather.

"Grace Harriet Baldwin, the Christian community welcomes you with great joy. In its name I claim you for Christ our Savior by the sign of his cross. I now trace the cross on your forehead, and invite your parents and godparents to do the same."
(The Rite of Baptism)

"God calls each one by name. Everyone's name is sacred. The name is the icon of the person." (Catechism of the Catholic Church #2158)

"Receive the light of Christ! Parents and godparents, this light is entrusted to you to be kept burning brightly. This child of yours has been enlightened by Christ. She is to walk always as a child of the light. May she keep the flame of faith alive in her heart. When the Lord comes, may she go out to meet him with all the saints in the heavenly kingdom."
(The Rite of Baptism)

"See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is."
(1 John 3:1-2)

"When words are inadequate, people speak in gestures and signs: a hug, a touch, a gift.The language of ritual enables people to share events words cannot express. 

God's action is no more limited to sacramental actions than the whole of married love is lived out in the marriage bed. But the sacraments, like lovemaking, are moments of intensified encounter. 

In any such exchange, the more expressive the gestures and symbols, the more eloquent the communication. The More meaning you intend a gift to convey, the more carefully you choose or make it. 

Baptism speaks with water and light, oil and white garment, song, and sometimes even welcoming applause. The ride can speak as expressively as a tender embrace or as perfunctiorialy as a routine good-bye peck. Routine and tender moments both nourish love, but not the same way. One speaks of minimums, the other of possibilities. The options offered in the Rite of Baptism let you express the meanings you have discovered in the sacraments in a very personal way."  -- Carol Luebering, Handing on the Faith

Welcome, Grace Harriet!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight (And Other Infant Tales)

This week, I made the decision: I was going to go to confession.

I have not been since a few weeks before Grace was born, and was looking forward to the soul-cleansing; the more I've been physically healing from child-birth, the more I've been aching for confession. I made the decision to go. I planned out my day accordingly. We cleaned up the apartment, had friends stop by, ate meals, watched a few more Poirot episodes (my current indulgence), tried to nap with Grace, and went to the grocery store for the week.

We got back and put the food away. I popped Grace into her car seat and off we drove to the church, just in time for communion. Whoops. We were an hour late to confession.

Yet, I still served my penance (partly). Grace cried - nay, wailed - the whole drive over. And tonight, Miss Fussykins was not wholly satisfied with the service provided her. I held her and carried her and fed her. Will changed her and walked her and bounced her. We swaddled her and repeatedly stuck the binky in her sweet mouth and cooed love. I can successfully type that she is now asleep and the article I've been working on the past two days is still not complete.

Oh well. The every day can feel like a hamster wheel, or insignificant when you write out your to-do list and dutifully check the boxes. That all changed for me the day I had Grace. And I'm okay with that.

I used to think writing was my calling, and perhaps it still is. But I've lost a certain joy (and, truly, all sense of what "deadline" means in the world outside) and I'm working on re-claiming my love of words. Grace is breaking me in a completely different way than ideas ever could- grasping my heart and soul, making me re-evaluate how I'm living every day to make sure I'll be the best mother for her. For all that Will is and how he makes me want to be the best possible woman and wife, Grace is round two in my personal sanctification.

St. Vincent Ferrar said, "Whatever you do, think not of yourself, but of God." I certainly think of God when I'm stressed and feel like the maid ("I just cleaned up this mess!"). I try to say my morning and mass prayers with Grace, and evening prayers with Will. I am patient with Grace's crying as I know God is so, so, so, so patient with me - comforting and loving - even if she (and I) have to cry it out a bit before seeing reason (or the binky). And yes, I get frustrated and absent-minded too.

But what is life otherwise? How else can we seek God if we are not constantly feeling the need to fall on our knees in thanksgiving or contrition? What say you, dear reader?

Fine, I wish I had not been late to confession and finished my article. But I'm enjoying baby snuggles and a husband who makes me laugh and shows me all the good, and the small, mundane blessings that don't deserve their own blog post. Like sleep. Which I am in desperate need for more, so au revoir! Until my next ramble, ramble, ramble.

Whenever You Feel Guilty

Updated: St. Maximilian Kolbe says:

"Even if it is because you have consciously committed a sin, a serious sin, something you have kept doing many, many times, never let the devil deceive you by allowing him to discourage you. Whenever you feel guilty, offer all your guilt to the Immaculate, without analyzing it or examining it, as something that belongs to her… 

My beloved, may every fall, even if it is serious and habitual sin, always become for us a small step toward a higher degree of perfection. 

In fact, the only reason why the Immaculate permits us to fall is to cure us from our self-conceit, from our pride, to make us humble and thus make us docile to the divine graces. 

The devil, instead, tries to inject in us discouragement and internal depression in those circumstances, which is, in fact, nothing else than our pride surfacing again. 

If we knew the depth of our poverty, we would not be at all surprised by our falls, but rather astonished, and we would thank God, after sinning, for not allowing us to fall even deeper and still more frequently."

{This quote has been attributed to Pope Francis via an unofficial FB page; that is not correct.}

A Husband Is Not The Answer

Or a wife. Or a significant other. Or a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, as the King from The King and I liked to say. (I'll be approaching this article as girl to girl, in terms of pronouns, but I presume men can relate too!)

I saw a #singlegirlproblems post which bothers me excruciatingly - that the girl only wanted a husband, not friends. Without channeling Ya-Ya Sisterhood on y'all, I could not disagree more, and here's my basic breakdown of why: husbands are mortal, friends are backboards, you are irreplaceable.

Husbands, Mere Mortals

In Disney's Hercules, Meg is adamant about not being in love.



In the end, she folds. Okay, she's in love. Thanks, Muses. I suppose we all reach that point: we want to be with the one our soul seeks. We want love, the glory of love, the feelings of love, the need and want to be loved, and to love in return. Think of all the Pintrest projects you could attempt if you were in love! We women want to be the jelly to his peanut butter, the other half of his heart.

But already, you're aspiring to an ideal. You are thinking about your side of the bargain; and what about his?

My husband and I complement each other very well- but we're very different. Different food preferences, different cleaning preferences, different schedules, different aspirations. I know, and understand, that I do not fulfill life for him. I'd be more enthusiastic to exercise, more competitive, a better tennis player. But he's a good sport, and goes swimming with his wife the preggo whale.

I don't know what's happening, but it's silly

I love Will just as he is - which is hardly perfect , but perfect for me. Will is human, which means, for as much as I adore him, he'll never fulfill me. And that is why we go to mass with each other every Sunday, and worship and pray before the only human-and-divine man who could possibly satisfy: our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I do not mean this in a cheesy way. I mean this in a very real way. If you have not found your significant other, you are not being punished. You are just as worthy as the girl next to you. You were made in the image of God, which is to say, your soul contains the logos, a piece of the infinite. God is with you, and he will always be with you. This life you're experiencing? It's a journey. There is no end point until Judgement Day, where we will be able to finally know and understand the awesome love and mercy of God.

Being single is a vocation, and it can be a very heavy cross. In this age of social media, it is hard to see pictures of engagements, marriages and babies popping up on every news feed. But do not forget that people in tough marriages or struggling with infertility are also seeing those pictures, and they have their own cross to bear as well. No one is excluded from hardship in this life. Life is hard, and worth pressing on through - more than pressing on, even: enjoying!

There are small joys everywhere - try to find them in the every day, not the grand gestures.

Friends, Backboards (and sometimes backbones)

Ever wonder if a guy is for you? Ask a good friend. She'll tell you straight. You might disagree with her (just a little bit), and then realize (slowly, sooo slowly) that she is right. Near the end of another relationship, my bestie Julia gave me the same advice I had given her a year or so earlier: let it go, and let God. 

Ug. Let what go? My want to be married, and my frustration that my wants were not aligning with another's stars. 

I began earnestly praying, begging God: please let me bear fruit in my single life. Please let me be happy.

And God totally turned my world upside down. In a strange turn of events, I quit my job, I moved home, I sponsored a girl in RCIA, I met my future husband, I co-started the Bright Maidens. These things may not look connected, but they are through God's grace.

I could have done none of the above without my friends. I was encouraged to quit (and stand up for myself) after being treated badly, I was encouraged to move home when I wondered if that was the best decision (YES), I was inspired to sponsor by friends who were actively involved in other types of Church ministry, I met my husband through mutual friends, and I made two very dear friends as we started a new adventure of online evangelization.

Most importantly, it was friendships which kept me grounded in my growing relationship with Will. He met my friends, and I met his. We all got along, and we all learned different sides of each other. And since Will and I continue to be different people (none of this combining names or FB accounts, etc.! Personal autonomy!!), we will both continue to be better friends to each other, as well as cherishing old and new friendships together.

Here is a friend we both have, who always reminds me of why friendships are so important, in addition to marriage and familial relationships - he makes us laugh, he makes us cry, and he reminds us why friends are the ones who love us no matter what (even if we have abrasive personalities):



You Are Irreplaceable

Cue a Michael Buble song. It's so easy to be envious. It's so natural to want to be in the next stage of your life. But you're being given a gift right now: it's not a man, it's an opportunity. Pursue yourself. Pursue your dreams, goals, desires. There is nothing holding you back, except the time it takes to prepare.

I recently stumbled upon a couple interviews I did for my Theology of the Human Heart class in high school. I interviewed my cousin, my aunt/godmother, my mother, and my grandmother. The two that especially struck me were my aunt's and grandmother's - my aunt got married in her later 30's, and loves how much she was able to pursue her career and travel. My grandmother got married in her low 20's, and said that if she could have pursued a career path, she would have enjoyed being a t.v. anchor. My own mother got married at 25 and pursued a Master's instead of an M.D. She made that decision so that she and my Dad could have a bigger family with a more flexible schedule. Everyone made the right decisions for them, even though they came at different points in life, and for different reasons.

Photo credit: madeinhisimage.org

As for me, I've had to overcome being envious of not working for a regular publication full-time. Instead, I'm starting to take freelancing more seriously because that is the path I am currently on, as well as continuing to write book reviews and cultivating my pet projects. My current focus is supporting my husband, keeping house and finance control, and - soon enough - taking care of my little one. I'll be where I want to be eventually, and I'm learning to enjoy a different pace of life. I'm happy, even with the lumps of life. They certainly add perspective and reasons to stay grateful.

When I was single, I worked multiple jobs and I traveled, because that was my post-college plan. I also audited a class at the local seminary, spent time with my family (who I miss terribly right now), wrote, and prayed for my future spouse. This last part is especially important for me, because as much as I prayed, I was extremely humbled to hear that my future MIL had been praying for me as well. Never underestimate the power of prayer, or the miracles that can happen within when you spend more time with our Lord and less time consumed with pettiness, envy, sadness and anger. I'm working on this too, and dear reader, I am praying for you.

God works in mysterious ways, but we are all part of his glorious tapestry. Today, I continue to pray for my spouse. Life is better with him, but not easier. Everyone has challenges, and it is too simple to wish them away by adding in another person. No one can make you happy except you. More money will not make you happy. A different job will not make you happy. If you cannot find happiness within yourself, and accept your circumstances, and work every day to be a better person and a follower of Christ, then having a husband will be like a band-aid over a gaping wound. You need stitches. You need hope. You need to believe that life is an adventure, and you're in for a ride. You need to know that you are worthy of wonderful things happening to you.

A husband is a wonderful companion, but you are irreplaceable, and your happiness is contingent on you.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hid from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40: 27-31)

Today's Post Is Brought To You By The Number 3

My husband and I have been married for three months. Three glorious, splendid months. Three months married, and yet we've only lived with each other for half that time.

Intellectually and practically, it makes sense. He continues going to school in one city. I continue working in another. I drive down on the weekends, or he comes up to my parents's house. The real difference is that we have our own bed and own apartment and own bills to pay. We snuggle on a couch that I bought and he hates* to watch a movie. We both receive mail in the same mail box. We both hear our upstairs neighbor practicing his one-man band act [at eleven o'clock at night].

It does not feel like three months, longer or shorter. It just feels like we're exactly where we're supposed to be, and who we're supposed to be with right now and forever. I know I'd rather be home with him every night, but I can't help relishing this extra time spent with my family. [I currently have our two dogs at my feet, both vying for the same bone. Happiness!]

These past few months have been soul trying. First, adjusting to how we each wash the dishes. Then, to a very long separation due to my work. But mostly, changes in our plans. We've been thrilled, disappointed, extremely honest, hurt, forgiving, and love each other more and more.

When Will and I attended our pre-cana retreat, we sat in front of the Peanut Gallery. These two couples had it figured out. I wondered, why go to an Engaged Encounter weekend if you already know the answers? Am I right? High five! In turn, as prepared as Will and I felt for marriage, as prepared as we were, there is nothing like experience, prayer and never-ending I love yous to pull a couple even closer.

For our first act of marriage, we abstained from sex starting on Christmas, a.k.a. four days after our wedding, until the end of our long honeymoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas to you too, body of mine. Because that's what happens when you get stressed out over your wedding and your cycle gets pushed back a week. But honestly? May have been one of the best things that happened, as well as one of the hardest we've encountered as a couple. We waited our whole lives for each other... and then we had to wait some more?

I'm bringing up this episode not to over-share, but to testify to sacramental love - the kind that sacrifices, and nourishes, and controls desires when consequences of said actions are clear. I recently read an article about going on vacation with your spouse (I'm already daydreaming about our next trip!). I was sad (though not surprised) to see "birth control" at number two on the "What To Bring" list (after a yellow polka dot bikini).

We also ate way too much sushi.

The only birth control Will and I brought on our honeymoon was our intentions, and our promise to honor, love, and respect the other person. That is exactly what I received, too. I felt extremely loved, honored, respected and desired on my honeymoon. How thrilling it was to be "Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin"! How much fun Will and I had exploring Sedona, going hiking, sleeping and then napping, going to the spa, and eating delicious food. We brought fun movies along, and finished-ish off a bottle of red wine almost nightly. We laughed a lot, and wholly enjoyed the uninterrupted time together.

Our second act of marriage, which we started when we were engaged, is nightly prayer. Neither of us grew up with regular prayer time as a family (outside grace at meals and Mass every Sunday), but I experienced a lot of shared prayer in college with friends and classmates, both Catholic and Protestant. When I babysat my adviser's family, I was always included in their family prayer, and it opened my heart to something I wanted to do with my husband and my family. It's my favorite part of the day - to share an "Our Father," "Hail Mary," "Glory Be" and signs of the cross with my husband. This Lent, we pray the rosary each night.

Which brings us to the third act of marriage, which is not anything we do. Sure, I've cried to him and he's hugged and soothed me. He's been down and I've cheered him up and supported him. But none of this would be possible, none of this would be as beautiful if God was not already here in our relationship. He is our anchor and our guide. When we asked his blessing upon our marriage and our lives, we asked him to be with us and stay with us.

I've been praying the words of Jeremiah 29:11 lately - "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

These three things have changed everything for us. Love is patient, love is kind. God is faithful; God provides. God has already blessed me abundantly, and so I pray to rise to the challenge of my vocation within God's plan. I am so grateful for my husband and these past three months. Here's to many, many more!

* I should specify that he hates the pattern on the couch, not the super-comfy couch itself. Here is my sister taking full advantage of said couch:

I Will Wait For You (And Other Comforts and Converts)

The Convert By G. K. Chesterton

After one moment when I bowed my head
And the whole world turned over and came upright,
And I came out where the old road shone white.
I walked the ways and heard what all men said,
Forests of tongues, like autumn leaves unshed,
Being not unlovable but strange and light;
Old riddles and new creeds, not in despite
But softly, as men smile about the dead
The sages have a hundred maps to give
That trace their crawling cosmos like a tree,
They rattle reason out through many a sieve
That stores the sand and lets the gold go free:
And all these things are less than dust to me
Because my name is Lazarus and I live.

A BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Patheos blogger and super-awesome human being Leah Libresco on joining the Catholic Church today. Three sacraments in one day ain't too shabby. Welcome home, darling girl!

Here's a little Mumford, just because:



God bless you Leah! And prayers for my mother, whose birthday it is today. Cheers!

Poem: Examination of Conscience

Examination of Conscience by Sally Thomas

Yes, I've done that. Yes, I've done that, too.
In fact, if we review the Deadly Sins,
We see my name on them, their name on me:
Wrath, Greed, Pride, Sloth, Lust, and Gluttony.
And Envy. I wish now that I were you,
Strange to myself. Each examen begins
With yes, as if I'd come to claim my own
Cold body on its slab. Yes, yes, I know me.
That pink wrinkle of a scar on my right knee
Gives me away, an error on my skin's
Clean record, one lie I told when I was nine.
Just skinned, that's all. These Band-aids? Nothing . . . Only
The mouth beneath them told the truer story.
I peeled them off me, one by painful one.

From the Patheos Year of Faith series.

Patience: The Virtue No One Has

TBM Topic 29: Bear Wrongs Patiently

"Patience: The Virtue No One Has" by Julie Robison
Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!


During Lent, we will be discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy.

I have yet to meet a person who admits to being naturally patient. I'm not. I bet you're not either. So first there's that: dealing with your own inability to be patient with your own life.

I get it! Places to go, people to see. You don't want to wait: "Waiting for the fish to bite/ or waiting for the wind to fly a kite/ or waiting around for Friday night/ or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake/ or a pot to boil, or a Better Break/ or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants/ or a wig with curls, or Another Chance" (Dr. Seuss).

But perhaps you're beyond that. Maybe you're finding patiently waiting and trusting in the Lord (cue the Psalms). Then, God steps it up: you have to bear other people's wrongs patiently.

He has a funny habit of doing that, doesn't he? Trying to make you more patient? Sanctification of self, as they say.

What usually happens, though: an unkind word (or two), uncharitable thoughts, irritability for an extended period of time, a fight between loved ones, or, more often, viciousness towards a stranger.

But that guy was a total jerk! He took my spot/ coffee/ bumped into me/ was super rude. You're telling me I'm not right to be angry.

Sure. You can be angry. But of all the things to be mad about in the world, does this problem at hand really matter enough to fight back? Or would your kindness help the situation? Would your patience bring light to the matter at hand? Would this problem, too, pass because you chose patience over getting into a pickle?

Blessed Mother Teresa, saint-to-be, said,

 “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

"Told you I'd be back - 3 days, people!"

As we enter Holy Week, remember the ultimate example of bearing wrongs patiently: God. We mess up every day and have to keep coming back to apologize. But he never gets tired of it: he delights in our remorse, because we apologize not out of fear of punishment, but because we love God so much that we are moved to make right when we are in the wrong.

Jesus told us that we have to forgive one person for the same offense 70 time 7 times. And if they offend you in a different way? Another 490 times. And another? 490. That's bearing wrongs patiently. That's imitating Christ. Is it easy? No. But more importantly- is it possible? Yes!

As one impatient person to another, let us not grow lax in our Lenten goals of self-growth. These 40 days are only the beginning of new life in Christ. If you did not add "bear wrongs patiently" to your laundry list, then perhaps you should add it now. It's never too late to be the person God made us to be.

"A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention." --Proverbs 15:18

How are you learning to bear wrongs patiently?

Baptism In Your Bones

"When I write a novel in which the central action is a baptism, I am very well aware that for a majority of my readers, baptism is a meaningless rite, and so in my novel I have to see that this baptism carries enough awe and mystery to jar the reader into some kind of emotional recognition of its significance. To this end I have to bend the whole novel--its language, its structure, its action. I have to make the reader feel, in his bones if nowhere else, that something is going on here that counts."

--Flannery O'Connor, from "Novelist & Believer"

Sitting on O'Connor's porch