Goals for Grace, Grief for Me

"We have joy in our days. There’s sadness, too, but we move on." - Scott Watkins on his wife's life-threatening allergies (including to himself).

This line really struck me. I am currently going through a grief cycle with Grace. As I read in another blog post, the grief will probably never end. It will come and go in waves, and just as I adapt to the "new normal", she'll have a new bridge to cross, and we'll figure out another new normal.

My number one goal for her is to be independent. She is a strong, brave toddler. In fact, as I was typing the earlier part, I noticed how quiet she was... because she was in the kitchen, pushing a chair to the counter to get gummy bunnies. Instead of this being a mama's fear, it becomes my pride and joy. I tell her not to push a chair in the kitchen and to ask mom for help; she is rewarded with gummy bunnies. (But just one pack.)

Grace exploring after pre-school yesterday

My number two goal is for her to know her own dignity and strength. Before driving to Ohio for a wedding, we tried a dress on Grace. She exclaimed, "I am so beautiful!" I love that. We should all think so highly of ourselves. On the other side it, I am trying to teach Grace to trust her body more. She has the strength and the ability, but her balance is weak. We work on stairs a lot. I'm trying to teach her to be okay with falling. We all fall, physically and otherwise, because we are human. It's the attitude about falling that separates us between existing and thriving.

Grace on a trek through the snow

My number three goal is to keep up a "try" mentality. There are always going to be experiences and people telling Grace what she can and cannot do. My parents used to tell me that I wasn't a math person because I've always struggled with numbers (turns out I have dyslexia, but that is a different story). I recognize that they were trying to lessen the brunt of my struggles. The more they told me that when I struggled, the more it cemented. The more I became resigned to a calculator. My brilliant husband, on the other hand, constantly challenges me to do mental math and introduces me to games to help me practice these mental olympics. By pushing myself as an adult, I feel the importance of continuous trying.

A while back, I posted this story on my instagram: One of the biggest question marks for me is how best to push Grace in practical ways. There are so many things we do with both hands!! Fortunately, Grace is extremely self-motivated and always asking me how she can help. So when she asked to peel the clementine by herself tonight, my heart leapt. This happened, of course, after she initially fell off a chair trying to get a second clementine first. Grace cannot catch herself on her right side, and this can be very scary. She fell and cried, and we picked her up and told her she was so brave. Then she said, I try again? YES! Of course. And she climbed up and down without incident. Now, with only a little help to start, she peeled and ate the fruit by herself. Grace, you're amazing. Innovate your abilities, people.

Maybe you are thinking, I want this for my kids too! Or, Don't you want this for your other kids too? Well, of course. But here's the difference: typical kids do not have to learn how to use their muscles. Typical kids do not have to learn to use one side of their body. Typical kids do not have to overcome a stroke. And this is why I am grieving. I want to give Grace everything. But I can't. She has to propel herself. Sometimes, she asks to be carried down the stairs and I say no. Not because I am a heartless wench - but because I want her to thrive. I stay with her while she walks slowly. She is three years old, after all.

Family walk.

Grace, in short, must learn what it means to be human. She has been given a gift of empathy, innovation and trial. She has suffered much in her short life, and she will suffer more. I cannot stop this from happening. Even now, we are introducing her to walk-aid, which is an e-stim for her leg. She will get electronic current sent down her leg to signal her dorsal flexors to work properly in her right foot. The hope is that, in the future, she will not need her brace. We do not know if this will happen, but we try anyways.

(Mumford and Sons - "Turning of the Tide")

A final note on grief: I am not crying every day. I am not in mourning. I do feel a deep sorrow in my soul out of love for my child; but I cannot let this grief stop me from letting her live life to the fullest. It is certainly a teeter-totter of emotion! I am (still) learning to trust myself as her mother, I am learning to try again, and I am learning the dignity and strength in being the caretaker of someone who requires extra needs.

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#write31days: PostPartum Depression and You Have Things To Do

My to-do list?

I'm not so sure I can reach it.

Better take a nap.

**

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Day 7: New Kicks

Monday night: Will was working an overnight shift, and the girls were restless, so I decided to stop pursuing Zappos and actually take the girls to a shoe store. We were to New Balance because they are known to have a variety of wides - excellent for people looking for shoes that will fit a slim AFO brace.

We tried on a variety of pink colored sneakers in different sizes and widths, and while we ended up buying one a tad bigger than I would have liked, it's worked well for her the past few days. Two of her therapists have noted a marked improvement in walking (less side-stepping), and the percentage of walking to crawling has doubled. She loves wearing them - requests, even! - and ignores the brace in good humor.

If my ability to only get in-motion shots is an indicator: this girl is on the move. This girl walks.

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New Swag: Grace's First AFO (Plus Shoes)

Grace's cerebral palsy is labeled "right hemiparesis" - so, our emphasis for therapy is concentrated on her right side. As a preventative measure, she got her first AFO (ankle foot orthotic) for her right foot. Both of her physical therapists recommended it, and it came just in time for Grace to start taking her first independent steps! Her AFO supplier is called SureSteps - it's rigid enough to supply support, lightweight, and help keep the weight evenly distributed because she feels like she can trust her right side more. She needed a prescription for it, and her doctor was happy to write one.

The fitting was... full of tears. Grace doesn't mind shots, but she abhors being measured. (Head measuring still ranks as all-time worst.) She liked picking out the pattern too!

Three weeks later, we went in for the fitting and - a couple minutes of crying later - she was up! Notice how she is initially still leaning on her left leg.

She felt very comfortable, which is important, and it fit very well. She starts to shift her weight over a bit; it looks more equal.

She even put weight on it almost immediately! Huge improvement already.

Downside: Her current shoes do not accommodate the AFO; and while shoes are not necessary on carpet, they most certainly are on hardwood and tile (plentiful in our rental).

Upside: Happy Grace! Loving her posture improvement.

  

We're going on a week of wearing it now, and Grace is doing really well. She wears is twice a day, for 30 minutes. We won't be pushing her to wear it more (like we do her patch), per instructions. She doesn't cry either when we put it on, which helps me. We'll even have her stuffed animals wear it too, when she's not. Gotta share love around here!

The next day, we went shoe shopping! In Three Bears fashion, the first shoe's strap was too short. The next shoe's strap was longer, but barely velcroed over the brace. The third shoe was perfect - stretchy sides and a stretchy strap across the shoe. Affordable ($15) and super cute (muted gold with detailed bow) -- thanks, Target!

We received a lot of recommendation for shoes - here are a few: StrideRite; Robeez, Osh Kosh at Target (the ones we tried did not reach far enough); Health Tex at Wal-Mart; Toms; Pediped.

The other advice we got was to buy a wide version of a shoe - that works too! Fortunately for us, this shoe had stretch built in, which allows this shoe to be used outside of brace time. 

As you can tell, wearing an AFO is not cramping Grace's style.

I could not find this actual shoe on the Target website (??) - but here is a similar shoe. Ruffled socks are a must as well.

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This is my Confession: A Lesson in Humility

We're home from vacation!

Not as restful as vacation should be... the girls never sleep well away from home, but Grace officially (and successfully!) slept in a bed! Every night! The funny memories came when we put her down for a nap, only to see her knocking on the glass sliding door leading to the porch.

Sunday's second reading really hit home for me. Ephesians 4:1-6, emphasis mine:

Brothers and sisters:
I, a prisoner for the Lord,
urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another through love,
striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace:
one body and one Spirit,
as you were also called to the one hope of your call;
one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
one God and Father of all,
who is over all and through all and in all.

Humility. Gentleness. Patience. Bearing in love. Unity through the bond of peace. 

What a tall order! What is needed more in this world - in the public and private spheres.

My failings are obvious: I was crabby for half of vacation. I can freely admit this now, having gotten way more sleep now that we are back home. I didn't want to be, and I tried not to be, and, at Will's gentle urging, I ended up apologizing to every member of my family for the fog I felt around me. They, of course, were gracious and understanding (as they cuddled my children).

So, this past Saturday, I went to Confession. It seemed to be the thing to do after vacation, plus Will had fallen asleep on the couch instead of in bed (another no-sleep SICU shift left him passed out before he finished his lunch), and the girls needed to get out of the house. I took the girls with me on a penitential trip when I went to the wrong parish at the wrong time. I went an hour early to the one farther from our house, and decided to not risk missing my turn by driving to the other parish.

We creepily followed the older lady up to the church steps, only then seeing the sign that confession was in an hour. She offered to let us in, but I balked, saying I would take a walk with the girls instead.

Mistake. It was SO HOT OUTSIDE. We said half a rosary, and hurried back to the cool air condition to wait out the rest of the 40 minutes. Grace and Laura were very reasonably behaved, especially considering Grace was missing her second nap for mama's reconciliation.

Finally, it was almost time for Father to come out. The older lady re-approached me, and introduced herself as Monica, the sacristan before 5 p.m. mass. She offered to watch the girls while I was in the booth. I piled the girls into their double stroller and off they went! Monica very slowly pushed them around the church, and it seemed to calm them both into silence.

Father came out: I stood awkwardly, allowing him to put out his little name plate before I dove into the kneeler. It had been too long since my last confession.

And it was a good one. I felt my heart being opened. The beauty of confession is that, while Christ already knows all, you are the one that brings forth your sin and admits to them. You must present yourself honestly, humbly and with the dignity of knowing you are wrong, and determine to do right. The priest is a minister of Christ: in persona Christi, in the person of Christ. ("Only Christ is the true priest, the others being only his ministers" as St. Thomas Aquinas said, as quoted in the Catechism). This man of God listened to me, and responded so gently and thoughtfully that I finally had to say,

"Father, that is my child screaming."

Yes, in an attempt to quiet Laura's more frequent whining, the lady had picked up Laura, who then realized her own mother was not pushing the stroller, and thus decided to test the acoustics in the buttressed church.

She was full-out crying. Father acknowledged this, and continued his counsel. I have to tell you: I expected to feel mortified. I did not. I felt love.

I felt the love of this priest, counseling me.
I felt the love of the Lord through the sacraments.
I felt the love of a community of believers as they (yes, I walked out to many) tried to pacify my daughter. (Grace was shockingly calm! They usually pair up when one starts crying.)
I felt the love of my baby daughter, crying out for her mother.
I felt the love of forgiveness; the love of mercy.

I also thought of Hell, which is not to be feared for its flames, but rather, the total absence of God. Laura felt my absence, and wailed. I thought, This is what brings me back to mass every week, and to confession: my soul screams for God because I love him, even when I am not feeling amorous. Sin does that - pushes us away from God. Reconciliation brings us back.

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen. (An Act of Contrition)

As I walked out of the booth, I felt light and immediately went to pick up Laura, red in the face and sobbing. As I held her, even for those brief first moments, she calmed down and stopped crying. My child, I love you. I said this to Laura. God says this to each of us.

The lady then offered to help me to the door ("You can say your prayers later, okay?") and I laughed a little at the whole scenario. I buckled Laura back into her seat, thanked the lady, and off we went. Both girls ended up falling asleep before we arrived at our next destination: the grocery store.

That was the first time I've wrangled both girls to confession by myself, and surely not to be my last. It was, more importantly, another opportunity to say "I am sorry." We're teaching Grace to say "sorry" - she says "uh oh!" when she drops things, which is super cute, except when it's on purpose/ food-related. I repeat ad nauseam: "Uh oh! You did that on purpose, Grace! Let's say, Sorry Mama!"

Is Grace saying "sorry" yet? No. Does she understand what "sorry" means? Absolutely. Today, Will and I were busy cleaning, etc. and not paying close attention to Grace. She became absolutely irate at us, and we scooped her up and placed her on our bed. She wouldn't look at us. We sat with her, explained that we were cleaning, we love her and we are sorry she is feeling upset. We apologized to her and asked for a hug. She hugged us both.

It's essential for me to model humility; the inability to admit one is wrong (or might be wrong) is a harmful vice - it leads to dishonesty, stubbornness and a close-mindedness that is hard to crack. I want my children to know that struggling is okay. Struggling breeds innovation if positively encouraged.

Pride is forever my confession-worthy vice, but I, a disciple of the Lord, "urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace."

Love like a child, forgive like the Lord. God, keep me humble! (Ouch, this prayer is going to hurt.)

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Teaching Grace to Walk the Walk

Lately, we've been doing a lot of walking. Grace is a cruise master - she can walk along furniture and the wall to get where she needs go.

Here she is at the pediatrician's office a few days ago:

We're practicing walking on different kids of surfaces too - this was yesterday with her Dad. Please note the fabulous pink shoes with bows, a surprise mistake from Zappos!

At both her physical therapies this week, her therapists talked about how she is doing more advanced movements than first steps, but she is lacking the confidence. She does not need the balance, but she wants it. 

We found a nice park about a mile from our house, so the last two days we've been introducing Grace to the straight, bumpy and twisty slides; the monkey bars; the unsteady bridge; plenty of wood chips. She loves it, which makes us so happy.

Laura loves it too!

We're working a lot on walking... and it's just frustrating for all parties. As long as she feels comfortable, she does well. If she feels unsure (like walking on wood chips), she is much more stiff. This affects her gait. Here is a short video - we're really encouraging her to walk with minimal support:

Then again, if she doesn't want to walk, she won't. 

She wants to walk and move on her own... our hope is that she takes off on her own by the end of summer, or before her second birthday. It's tough to be in limbo. Don't misunderstand me  - we are over-the-moon for how much Grace has improved and how well she is moving: her therapists are beyond pleased. We're grateful that she's high functioning in this way. And sure, even after she's walking on her own, there will still be more to work on. A prescription was written for an AFO (ankle foot orthotics), so we'll get fitted after we get back from vacation next week.

As always, God provides and guides. Grace is flourishing, happy and overall responsive to therapy. Her normal movements are fluid and controlled, and she has does a deep plie!

The park was a total success, by the way. Mom and Dad got their walk in too!

I don't mind answering questions about Grace walking; I would prefer other questions, as well:

• How's Grace?
• Tell me about Grace's therapies!
• What does Grace like doing these days?

(And don't forget about Laura! Wink.)

If you're unsure what questions to ask, a safe bet is to ask about the child over asking about progress the child is making. If the child is plateauing, it can be a less desirable topic. If you're the parent/ loved one and you're feeling sensitive about your child, just be honest: "[My child] is working very hard in therapy right now; he/she is loving _____!" You do not owe anyone outside medical professionals the full story - but don't be afraid of the story either. It's yours too!

Grace is such a bright, spirited child. She loves and feels deeply: she loves shoes, dressing up, coloring, building blocks, dancing to music, and being sweet/ super close to Laura, as well as cuddling with her mom and dad.

It's going to be great when she does walk, but this is where we are now. Thanks for asking, y'all!

Stay tuned for more pictures of that fantastic neighborhood park; we are thrilled to find this treasure within walking distance! Such a nice borough we live in for now.

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One Year of Cerebral Palsy: Thank Yous

Yesterday, Grace turned 20 months. It was one year since her MRI. Today is one year since her diagnosis. One year since her specialist, Dr. Aaron Karlin, confirmed that she has cerebral palsy.

I've been way too busy the past few days/week, so I am taking a little break from the blog... but I need to say thank you, publicly, and I need to say a lot of them.

Thank you, Ms. Lisa, Grace's LA Early Steps therapist. Ms. Lisa, you are such a mama bear for your clients. Thank you for advocating for Grace. Thank you for introducing us to the doctor who diagnosed her; thank you for talking to us about EVERYTHING; thank you for understanding; thank you for loving Grace and believing in her.

Thank you, Dr. Karlin - you saw Grace, you agreed to do an MRI over a CT scan (at Will's request), and you pushed this process along so quickly. This allowed us to have all the answers and pre-requisets we needed to move seamlessly into therapy in the new state. You cared, and I felt that as we stared at her MRI, not quite believing what we saw.

Thank you, Meg. Meg is a friend I met through NOLA Kappa, and it was such an unexpected friendship. Thank you for reaching out to me after the diagnosis, especially, and talking to me about all the emotions and possibilities there.

Thank you, Andrew. Andrew is a very dear friend from my college days, and is currently a pediatrician resident. He was one of the first people I told as I struggle(d) to wrap my mind around what this means for all of us. It is such a blessing to me to have a friend who knows more about CP than I do, and can ask me questions - vs. me always feeling the need to rush in and explain. Our friendship means so much to me, and it is a huge blessing to have your guidance when it comes to Grace and her diagnosis.

Thank you, Heather. My college roommate/ best friend/ Grace's godmother has yet to meet her, but she is Grace's #1 fan and lit candles all over Europe, praying for GHB.

Thank you, friends-at-large. There are A LOT of you!! Friends near and far, silver and gold friends, and friends whom I am blessed to know better down this life road. Initially, I really struggled with telling people about Grace's diagnosis. I'm not ashamed of it - but there was so much to process. I like knowing, and there are no easy answers with CP. Sometimes, even typical questions can hurt when the future is so unknown. But all I know is a mountain of love and support from y'all: people who are always asking about Grace, cheering her on, and loving her. It means the world to me, and I am especially grateful for the virtues of friendship.

Thank you, blog reader-friends! Some of you have read since my internship in Washington D.C./ the the beginning (cough, Rachel), and most of you have jumped on this crazy train at various stops: college, reporting, RCIA, working for my family business, nannying, dating/engaged/married, moving, baby #1 and #2 ... the fun doesn't stop! I've appreciated how many of you reach out with questions, comments and love. As a Sheenazing nominee two years running as "most under-appreciated blog", I hope you all know how much I over-appreciate all of YOU!

Thank you, family. Grace is definitely spoiled with all the love and affection she is given; she has also figured out how to call people, and is known to call her Aunt Katie (does she know my passcode??) and FaceTime her Nana.

Thank you, Will. My partner in marriage, child-raising, fun and life: he is the best Dad to Grace. After she was diagnosed, I was really scared that I would be unable to be the best caretaker for Grace. I am not medically trained nor did I remember anything beyond basics about the human body from my high school anatomy and physiology class, and I am terrible at discipline. He told me that didn't matter: I had to be the one to take care of Grace. I had to stretch her, move her, take her to therapy and make sure she got what she needed. No excuses, no overthinking - just action.

He (rightly) reminded me that nothing had changed. Grace is still our daughter. No matter if she's typically developing or specially developing, our time is going to be consumed with our kids. A daughter with cerebral palsy doesn't make us super parents or better parents: it cements that we are parents, and we have certain obligations and duties to our child to give her the care she needs.

And mostly, thank you, Grace Harriet. You are the best daughter: lively, loving and lovely. I am so very honored to be your mama. Watching you grow, excel, overcome and laugh is my greatest joy.

... I'll leave it at that, for now. I have so many posts I've started, so much I need to share about this journey. We're lucky that Grace's very serious stroke was discovered so soon, and we're able to provide her with the most support possible. The future is still very unknown, and that is okay. That is what makes this life an adventure.

As Ms. Lisa said, "You can cry about it or you can move."

We Baldwins are movers*. Thanks for shaking along side us!

* Fine, some of us cry. No names.

((These movies are before her diagnosis.))

Ready to Run

As if I needed any more reasons for a new pair of running shoes- my pair has been confiscated!

I love watching the "nature vs. nurture" argument play out in Grace. We want to nurture a healthy life, complete with exercise, but her love of shoes is all nature.

I wish I felt this much enthusiasm for my running shoes!

And we look forward to buying her a pair of her own.

What say you of nature and nurture, dear readers?

Learning to Walk, Learning to Brag

When Grace was 8 months old, we bought her this cart so we could start teaching her how to walk. We weren't sure if she'd ever crawl, so we were starting the walking process early.

She enjoyed it and then we moved, and the novelty wore off. She decided walking was unnecessary. Fortunately, about a month later, she decided she was into self-propelled scooting, which became crawling a month later, and speed crawling soon after that.

This girl is a movement rock star.

Now, at 18 months, she's back on the walking (with assistance) train. Except, she decided to surprise me...

Step 1: Pull yourself up.

"Oh my gosh Mom, stop taking my picture."

"Okay, you can take my picture, but at least get my new shoes in the shot, mmkay?"

Don't mind me, just casually putting my right hand on the cart WITHOUT HELP OR PROMPTING.

Fingers, you listen to me...!

Two of the hardest questions I field are, Is she walking? and Is she talking? They tend to make me feel like all the milestones she's reached thus far are arbitrary.

I'm going to start posting more updates on Grace's progress - the reality is, though she is delayed physically, she is emotionally mature. That provides great stimulus for her, and helps with her progress. As she is a "hemi" (hemiparesis - only one side of her body is affected), she is learning to compensate and assist her weaker side.  Her progress has exploded over the past 10 months, and her therapists wax poetic on how far she has come. I should too, to you all, because cerebral palsy comes in all shades of possible.

So proud of you, Grace!

The Look: Who Did It Better?

Grace Harriet:

Laura Kathleen:

First week // neonate. My girls are all sugar and sass!

How It Feels: 39 Weeks Pregnant

So, wicked back pain since last night. Aches all over. I have a hard time breathing only when I am attempting to go to sleep. Oo! Reflux too. Never fails. I feel like a pancake, always needing to be flipped over after a few minutes on each side...

Fortunately, my MIL is here! I have my 40 week appointment tomorrow morning (one day early). Bebe Deux is due on Thursday. I am finishing up a lecture on The Great Depression for my younger kids. It's also inspired me to write a treatise called "The Gold Standard: A Guide For Middle Schoolers Who Want The Simple Complicated Answer"... because, seriously. Raise your hand if you want to read this book.

My appetite is small and my baby is active. I love the end of pregnancy, but I'm very excited to meet my second daughter and hold her close. I've been scrolling through memory lane, looking at all the pictures I took of Grace when she was a neonate. I can't believe how little she was, and what a precious gift I've been given - now, twice!

Bedtime snuggles - I am really savoring these:

GHB is wearing pajamas her Robison aunts + uncles all wore, her mama included!

Will has a big test coming up on February 25, so he is taking vacation February 20-24 to study and spend time with his little girl. I hope she comes earlier to maximize her Dad time! That will be a very precious commodity come March when he's in the SICU.

The unromantic part of this pregnancy is my overwhelming tiredness, especially as I rush to finish prep work/ complete more grading. My brain is not cooperating quickly. Other than that, we're celebrating Mardi Gras up here in the snow drifts!

Celebrate good times, y'all!

My View (vol. 29)

What I am reading: history books - I have three power points to finish this week. I am not freaking out, no, why do you ask? (WHY DO YOU ASK?!?)

Also, Doctor Grumpy's blog. He makes me laugh!

Love what I am eating: Apple Cinnamon Cheerios and Macintosh Apples (not at the same time) and THIS:

OH YES.

Meal planning: Crockpot week! I bought a family pack of chicken breasts - I'm currently planning on fixing creamy chicken and broccoli over rice (again, because it delicious, warm, comforting and easy-peasy) and am on the hunt for another chicken crockpot recipe. My friend Jess posted 33 three ingredient crock pot meals, which all look good.

We do have BBQ sauce, so I might fix baked barbecue chicken. Oh! If I remember, I'll e-mail my mother for the recipe for Chicken Crack, a ye olde family favorite. I don't know it's "real" name - our family loves it so much that we call is Chicken Crack, because it's addictively delicious. (Stay tuned! At the very least, I'll have her fix it when she comes in March.)

Any [delicious/ healthy/ easy] chicken recipes you love to share?

This week in history: It was an awesome week from the vantage point that Will was just home more. I am trying to jump ahead in work for when Bebe Deux comes, while simultaneously keeping up with grading and teaching. Will loves being back in the ER, and is studying for a big test at the end of this month. The great news is that he was granted a few vacation days after bebe is due!!

Meanwhile, I am big things poppin'...!

Grace is doing well in therapy - I am constantly reminding myself, "Slow progress is still progress." Some days are awesome days. Some days are fighting days. And then, some days are surprise-filled.

Yesterday, Grace and I went grocery shopping; I bought her a Valentine's Day balloon and she loves it.

This morning, Will was holding Grace next to it while they waited for me to put my boots on before leaving for mass. Grace started hitting the balloon with her right hand on her own - THIS IS HUGE. She does more with it when prompted by us, or forced to - we have not seen a lot of willingness to use it on her own. Okay, tearing up. Our daughter is a rock star!

She discovered PhotoBooth this week:

We're celebrating Mardi Gras from afar:

We had good friends come visit!

Prayers: This week, I encountered a young Catholic really struggling with the Church. The interaction was extremely hostile. I'm still feeling very troubled by the lack of mercy and compassion shown to our fellow Catholics and human beings, as well as boxed-in version of thinking.

Please pray for those whom are being spiritually attacked - let Christ's light shine into the darkness of our doubts and the drudgery of our life on earth, as Job said today in the first reading. This earth groans beneath the weight of our fallenness, and I pray for renewed strength to carry our crosses.

Also, tomorrow is my cousin B's birthday. She passed away 6 months ago - please pray for her, and our family. I miss her so much.

Next week, I am going to: NOT GO INTO LABOR. I've given Bebe Deux multiple reasons not to come before February 16.

If you're a lady and on twitter, you should join in the Blessed Is She's #BISchat tomorrow evening at 9 pm EST. Here's the transcript (most of it!) from last time/ January's session. Such a wonderful community of women!

Have a great week!

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