Bless Us O Lord, and These Thy Gifts, Which You are About to Grade...

What would you do if you could NOT fail?

Absolutely NOT fail.

NOT.

NOT POSSIBLE.

When my students and I study history, we're studying what happened - mistakes, humans, innovation, power grabs, glory, false pride and unbearable arrogance; then again: virtue, peace, honor, loyalty and adventure. There is plenty of failure in history - failure to understand, failure to compromise, failure to integrate, failure to say "enough"... we study history so as to not repeat the failures, hopefully, among other better reasons.

Then, I'm out of the classroom and I'm just Mom. I'm fixing dinner and fixing hair.

That's life; there is no failure possible. There is no timeline, there is only now. If there is any failure, it's failure to love - failure to be kind, failure to be patient. Lately, while I have not been blogging, I've been meal planning (my new sport), re-arranging our house, massively purging, too much laundry, and backing out of over-commitments. It's been very refreshing. I've also been bowing out of time commitments, including being editor in chief of Ignitum Today. It just was not a good outlet for me, and life is too short to overcommit. I'll keep writing and editing a few people, but I'm lowering my expectations of output into the world. I'm taking a break from graduate school; some days I wonder if I should even be there. My home base matters the most.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't run my house like a company, and I certainly lack the organization to even claim non-profit status. Ever since Laura dumped out all our Very Important Papers (shame on me for leaving the lid unlocked one day), I'm re-arranging and re-organzing everything. I like it. It's a slow process, and I like learning how I like things as I go along.

I was telling my dad how I almost signed up for a painting class. As I embrace my avocation as an artist, and start to branch out more regularly into my art, a class seemed like a natural next step. Then I laughed. The girls are in swim lessons right now, and I'm still in the beginning of the school year. I need to let myself wait for another season, and just play around with my paints and ideas for now.

It's natural to want to master something, and everything. Have the right opinions, know everything already. Maybe that is why I like being a teacher - you realize that there is always something to learn. There is nothing wrong with being a novice, perhaps perpetually. It's that learning curve we're all chasing.

Well, I'm done running. After life, at least. The greatest advice I ever got (thanks Meg!) was to jump off the hamster wheel, because when you have a child with special needs, everything changes. Mostly,  hard-earned joy. I love having a reason to say NOPE WE'RE DOING IT OUR WAY. Because of Grace? Sure. And Laura, Stephen, Will and me too. We all have different needs, and that's how we direct our family. As we reach the end of residency, I cannot dismiss the life Will and I lead before he gets a "real" job. Our life isn't defined by his employment. Our worth isn't wrapped up success. We love each other because we belong to each other, as a family.

So no, I can't fail at being a mom. I might be running late or ignoring the pile of boxes from Amazon or [fill in the blank], but IT HAPPENS. Will overcooked the spinach ravioli and we both rolled with it. Grace refused to eat her birthday dinner but devoured her birthday cake. Laura wrecks the house again? Doesn't mean I did not just clean it. Stephen gets up multiple time during the night so I'm yawning in class? Yep. Who knows what is next, or even the plan this weekend? Not this girl. That is a win in my book.

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I've heard from a lot of friends that they are "failing"... but to fail in my history classes, you don't show up to class and you don't do the work. No matter your vocation in life, few people do neither. Way to go, you! God only asks what is possible.

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"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

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I Am What I Repeatedly Do: Why I Blog

I don't remember reading about this ring in Purgatory, but reading students' papers must be penance for all the bad papers I've written in my life.

I remember, freshman year, I wrote a bad paper. More accurately, a poorly edited paper. Ug, to think of it now! I just ran out of time! Time management has never been my strong suit. My professor asked me to stop by his office and told me that he's read my other papers, and he's read my articles in the school papers I wrote for - and I can do better. I have a way with words, and this paper was not up to par with my abilities.

Ouch, is all I remember. Oh, the shame. The shame. I needed that dose of reality. Hillsdale College gave me repeated doses of reality, all four years, and I became a better student because of them.

Now, I'm teaching writing to those young students of history. I'm teaching them the five paragraph format, thesis, body, analysis, and an original conclusion. It's made me think a lot about writing and my own journey.

The essay is, arguably, my favorite type of writing. It is also one of the hardest, due to its style and length. Which brings me to blogging.

I'll never understand all the existential crises I've had in regards to my blog. The WHY DO I BLOG misgivings and continuing the write here years after the willy-nilly start of this blog during college: the pull is still strong. I wrote through a Washington, D.C. internship, senior year of college, my first three jobs, friendships, and my entire relationship with my husband.

Sometimes, my blogging is about what I omit too - I've never wrote about the depth of my spiritual battles in college, heartaches again and again, the loneliness and hurt that cut deeper when you live in a snow globe, or dyslexia suspicions. But writing my blog - writing about my small victories, what I'm reading, what I'm trying, and what I love - gives me courage to write more publicly about the harder subjects, the ones I keep much closer to my shy heart.

When I was in college, I wrote letters to a few friends regularly. Most didn't reply back often in letter (gchat or a a text confirmed they were appreciated and read), but forging our friendship deeper helped me open up myself as an acceptable voice worth listening to. I loved writing letters in college, and today, as I struggle to finish Grace's birthday Thank You notes still, this blog is my new way of writing letters to friends I know are still reading.

I do write letters - I'm still pen-pals with a former professor of mine, a high school friend of mine, and a few college friends, including a sister-in-formation. I love the postcards that arrive in the mail now from travels; the baby announcements; and soon, the Christmas cards. For now, however, the blog reigns as my short essay; a kind of memoir, maybe, and a place where I can always publish, and even when I don't - where I can always write and don't have to worry about finding a stamp.

writing/ studying on the drive up to Michigan with our family pup

I never grappled with the term "writer" - I am one, ever since I was in the third grade and decided what I wanted to be while writing about Leprechauns. I do grapple with the word "blogger" though because, eh, it seems so informal. It brings out my worst fear that I am "wasting my talents" {unquote} and that what I write is unimportant... which brings me to you, dear readers: thanks for all the feedback.

Your feedback really brings out my Winston Churchill side to never, never, never, never give up writing. Some days, I'm too anxious to post -- what am I writing about?! For all the struggles and woe writing can bring, it is words that soothe the mind and warm the heart. Blogging gives that to me, and it gives back to those who needed to hear those words - it is too often to be a coincidence that I write substance people need to hear. This blog has the Holy Spirit racing through, and I feel it. My blog is beginning to feel like a mission, a purposeful outlet.

Then again, this is exactly what I try to capture in writing my blog - the extraordinary of the ordinary. The blog is such a normal medium, and my life isn't so special - except that it's mine. And as the leading lady of my own life, I have that responsibility to enjoy it.

And that is why I blog: I enjoy it. I don't blog for the numbers; I blog for the community that has grown around me and The Corner with a View. I don't always blog my best work; my best work comes out because of the writing I publish on this blog. I blog for the love of it, and that is really the only way to pursue passions. People are attracted to the genuine, to the beautiful and to love, and that is what I hope to give to my readers here.


Do you blog? Or why do you read blogs? What are your Aristotelian pursuits of the day?

Happy Monday! Thanks for reading, as my younger set like to write upon the conclusion of their essays... {We're working on that!}

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Finding Your Groove

Current Groove: Part I

I'm beginning to sense a pattern in my days... wake up with Will at 5:30 a.m., drop back to sleep; wake up to Grace talking (babbling, whatever) through the monitor, force myself up; breakfast for her, eggs for us, and playtime while I eat my breakfast. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday all have morning therapy sessions. Then a nap for her, and usually me too. Force myself up (unless nausea is too much) and do something productive - clean up the kitchen, the bedroom or the downstairs. Vacuum. Sweep. Repeat.

Grace is awake. Hello, sunshine! On Thursdays, we have to rush off to PT. It's our busiest day.

Our babysitter comes at noon, feeds Grace. I scurry off to prep for class. Teach class. Back to Grace! Afternoons blur together. We'll go on a walk, or swing and play on the porch, or play inside, and she "helps" me do more chores. We start dinner together. I feed her. If we're lucky (like this month!), Will is home for dinner. (Sorry ED rotations, I do not miss you.) We have family time and play, talking and laughing and encouraging Grace to imitate us: ba ba ba ma ma ma da da da!

Bath time for Grace! New diaper and jammies and brushing her teeth and reading books! Family prayer time: Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, O My Jesus. Kisses and hugs for Grace, and her wubbanub and blankets. Music and stars out of her elephant. Lights out.

Game over. I am spent. My evenings are slow - I catch up on work and e-mails, before closing my computer to read something not on a screen so I will actually fall asleep at a reasonable time, hopefully before 10:30 p.m. I try not to think about my to-do list; I am trying to be more active about reading Scripture and praying the rosary (especially during October!) or divine mercy chaplet. Even one decade is better than none.

That is to say, I am learning to love where I am planted. 

We're only four months into residency (?!?!?) and I am already over it. Will and I were laughing the other day about what would have happened if he had taken a surgery residency last year instead of his Masters program. GOOD LORD, we laughed. Disaster averted. It would have been worse, with less Grace time and way less together time.

Without trying to be woe-is-me, residency is tough because all I want is a best friend to come over and schmooze and drink coffee with me, or invite good friends over for dinner so we can laugh forever, or have family close enough to help me when I am sick (like I have been, for the past two weeks) or take care of Grace when I go to the OB's office (she isn't allowed to come on Friday, apparently) or just be around. Residency for the non-doctor is isolating - your spouse is gone for over half the day, swallowed up by hospital pace and work and patients.

My resentment of residency is nothing to my gratitude of the awesome program he is in, or his employer. This is not resentment of my husband working long hours, then studying for many hours - he still spends time with us. My husband is a total, total rock star.

So back to my groove.

Groovin': Part II

What I am learning in my loneliness is that there is holiness in my solace.

In motherhood, I am everything to Grace. Everything! She wants me to hold her, play with her, be with her. She tells me that I am important. She loves me. I thank God every day for my most perfect daughter, even when she is being a stubborn wiggle-worm, it is her wiggles that bring me joy! I am grateful for my 20 week roll-polly bebe deux; I am so excited to see him or her on Friday! I meditate on how to be a double mother.

In my personhood, I am learning more about myself. I am responsible for my health: I prioritize napping, exercising, eating well. I am responsible for my prayer life and my relationship with God. I am starting a prayer journal again. I am resisting the temptation to be totally overwhelmed, and to accept that I can only do so much in a day, week, month. I exercise my brain with good books. I pray for others. I spend less time online (though, arguably, tough with my jobs).

When others are not around to fill a void you feel, we must not let negativity leak in. Even if I want friends to come over, I recognize that our daily schedule is not very flexible. I recognize that I am often looking for someone to connect with, and if Will is working, it is easy to feel extra lonely. It is easy to seek the material gains - buying something special, rewarding myself for a Julie-well-done! Accountability to a budget keeps me away, but isn't it so easy to justify?

In my marriage, I am learning that I am flexible, but I do not always have to bend. I told Will I've been feeling "more married" lately - not unreasonable, I think, to feel that way about a person I've moved three times with, two pregnancies with, two graduations and now two jobs with - a kind of settling more into my vocation as wife and mother. Will says he still loves me more than anyone. Well, fine. A reasonable response to my expressive love. I am still getting used to this safe honesty. I am no longer holding back my tears during movies, be it Lord of the Rings or The Young Victoria (because beauty is worth feeling!!!) I am taught so much by the ways Will loves me. 

Finding My Groove: Part III

Okay, so I haven't found my groove yet. But I'm going to yoga on Friday (trying new things), and I am doing 10 minute challenges with myself to:

• Read Scripture
• Pray [part of] the rosary or divine mercy chaplet
• Clean house (therapeutic to me)
• Clean inbox (my avoidance)
• Read for pleasure!
• Rest
• Find a way to be creative 

This last one is my missing piece of the grooving, I think. But even if this means I am coloring with crayons or colored pencils for ten minutes a day, I hope it gives me a sense of drive and strength as I navigate my ship through calm and waves.

Life will never line up, waiting for you to receive gladly. We must seek the beauty and truth, and pursue goodness. That is my battle cry.

How do you groove?

#7QT: Love What You Do

Joining Jen - Happy Friday!

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New adventures: typing one-handed while your baby has your left index finger in a Chinese finger trap, except that attempts to squeeze out results in tears. But, this is good for me. As the perpetual planner, I'm learning to enjoy the moment more and jump ahead less. I like it.

Waking up snuggles

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Last day of Black History month - shout-out to Dr. Mildred Jefferson, the first black woman to graduate from Harvard Medical School, the first woman in the Boston Surgical Society, and a leader in the National Right to Life movement. She died in October 2010.

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Here she is giving an awesome talk about the National Right to Life movement:



Real, honest, charming.

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Another awesome woman: Mayim Bialik. From PolicyMic:

During a red carpet interview at the SAG awards this January, the actress was forced into an awkward situation after Bono's doppelganger tried to asked her if people assume that she can do advanced math because she plays a smart character on TV. As it turns out, she can do calculus in her sleep because she's secretly a neuroscientist. And by secretly, I mean she publicly taught for several years, wrote a book about the science of hormones for parenting and has given several public (and very recent) lectures about the importance of investing in STEM careers and research. Oh and she's also the official spokesperson for Texas Instruments graphing calculators.

Her author bio is pretty rockin' too:

Mayim Bialik, Ph.D., is perhaps best known for her lead role as Blossom Russo in the 1990s television sitcom Blossom, and she currently appears on the top-rated comedy The Big Bang Theory. Bialik earned a B.S. from UCLA in 2000 in neuroscience and Hebrew and Jewish studies, and a Ph.D. in neuroscience from UCLA in 2007. She designed a neuroscience curriculum for homeschoolers in Southern California, where she also teaches middle and high school students. Married to her college sweetheart with two young sons, Bialik is also a Certified Lactation Education Counselor. Visit her at MayimBialik.net.

You go, girl!

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Verily's Life Style Editor wrote a "Love What You Do" article, and it is so well-said.

While there’s nothing wrong with doing what you love, I have a more universal mantra to propose: “Love what you do.” Turning the DWYL mantra around can help see through the false liberty that our culture maintains as true—that happiness can only be attained if you do what you love. On the contrary, it’s a journey to love—not merely doing things you enjoy—that leads to true happiness.

Read the whole thing.

{six}

"Chasing after the DWYL [Do What You Love] mentality can easily transform into a sense of entitlement (“I deserve to do something more,” “I’m too good for this,” “If only I were happy in my job, then I could . . . “) which leads to self-centeredness and bitterness toward others." --Krizia Liquodo

I think it is natural to have these feelings as we people search for our likes and dislikes; but it's also easy to form resentments, and start comparing lives.

Why does she get that job? I've been job searching forever!
He got engaged? But he's so weird! I want to be engaged too.
Why does she keep posting pictures of her dog/ baby/ new purse/ cool location where she lives?
He always posts the coolest posts. Why don't I find those kind of interesting posts?

Like it or not, you're you, and there is a reason. That's why we're on this earth - to pursue our adventures!

• You want to be in love; nay! Be married! Yes, the snuggles are great - but married people do not sit around snuggling each other all day. They continue living their lives, and some days are great, and some days are hard, and every day is a choice to love. And the harder thing is often loving yourself as much as you love the ones you care about - learn to love yourself today so you can best know how to love another when the time comes.
• So you don't have your dream job? Keep working towards it. No one should want to peak early - keep earning it. 
• Lonely? So are a lot of people. Start volunteering at an older people's home - give companionship to people who can't get out like you can.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I say that because I do it all the time. Moping occasionally, whatever. But when I get sleep deprived, I get silly. The demons have a play day, and poke me: I'm so far from family, Will is gone at school, Grace take-yer-nap-right-now, I have to stop reading about residency, and, and, and... God has blessed me. I am blessed. I take life one moment at a time. In fact, I should do so much more with my life! Life is not a series of social media posts; life is real, and a struggle, and delicious, and active.

#GraceADay keeps the thugs at bay...

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But then I read posts about cats that go missing and I laugh. Life is goofy.This article on Jane Austen re-writing the history of England is gold too.

Oh, and The View (vol. 2) is going up tomorrow - join me!

Another Shoe To Fill, Another Branch To Grow

Ignitum Today has a new Editor-in-chief... and it is me!



Please pray for me in this new role, and thank you for all your encouragement!

"All of us belong to the communion of Saints, we who have been baptized in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, we who draw life from the gift of Christ’s Body and Blood, through which he transforms us and makes us like himself. Yes, the Church is alive – this is the wonderful experience of these days. During those sad days of the Pope’s illness and death, it became wonderfully evident to us that the Church is alive. And the Church is young. She holds within herself the future of the world and therefore shows each of us the way towards the future. The Church is alive and we are seeing it: we are experiencing the joy that the Risen Lord promised his followers. The Church is alive – she is alive because Christ is alive, because he is truly risen. In the suffering that we saw on the Holy Father’s face in those days of Easter, we contemplated the mystery of Christ’s Passion and we touched his wounds. But throughout these days we have also been able, in a profound sense, to touch the Risen One. We have been able to experience the joy that he promised, after a brief period of darkness, as the fruit of his resurrection. 

The Church is alive – with these words, I greet with great joy and gratitude all of you gathered here, my venerable brother Cardinals and Bishops, my dear priests, deacons, Church workers, catechists. I greet you, men and women Religious, witnesses of the transfiguring presence of God. I greet you, members of the lay faithful, immersed in the great task of building up the Kingdom of God which spreads throughout the world, in every area of life. With great affection I also greet all those who have been reborn in the sacrament of Baptism but are not yet in full communion with us; and you, my brothers and sisters of the Jewish people, to whom we are joined by a great shared spiritual heritage, one rooted in God’s irrevocable promises. Finally, like a wave gathering force, my thoughts go out to all men and women of today, to believers and non-believers alike." -- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, during the homily of his inaugural mass

Under His Mercy!

What's So Scary About Another Baby? (Or, Why I'll Never Have A Bucket List)

This week is my cleansing week.

On Sunday, Will and I did an overall cleaning.
On Monday, I deep cleaned and paid bills.
On Tuesday, laundry and grocery shopping.
Today, more laundry and cleaning; lunch with a Hillsdale friend.
Tomorrow, third floor, an oil change, then packing for Iowa and Kansas.
Friday, errands and leaving.
Saturday, more driving and visiting family for the weekend before the very last interview.

Yesterday, Grace decided that being put down was for chumps and she was having none of it. I told her self-soothing was important, so we had a little tummy time, but mostly she cooed/ whined at me, fell asleep, cried more, nursed, repeat. I'm falling more and more in love with her Wubbanub and I'm here to say - if you have a baby, you need one. I've been sorting through everything we now own thanks to Thanksgiving/ Baptism/ Christmas, so I'm actually made a mess more than cleaning one up... but you know, duty calls. Repeat today. And tomorrow.

With all these resolutions and bucket lists floating around, I couldn't help but notice a few missing. I'm not sure if I'm making resolutions this year, as much as I am continuing to create habits and cultivate more virtue. If I am going to make a resolution, it is to love people as God loves them.

I got this idea from a priest during confession, when I was telling him how I was failing in loving, because the person causing me to stumble does not even know. He laughed a bit with me, and told me he had no advice. Perhaps, he suggested, you need to try loving the person as God loves them.

The person who pushes your buttons. The person who belittles your beliefs. The person who you need a gun to your head so that you can remember to be a good person, like the Misfit said.

And especially your family. I've always been struck by the profoundness of Blessed Teresa of Culcutta's, "Want to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

I get teary looking at Grace post-feeding. She sleeps in the cradle of my arm, holding my shirt in her little fist. I'm trapped. I can't move or she'll wake up, and, you know? That's okay. I have nothing more important to do than love my child. And tonight, when she cried a half hour after I put her to bed - not a soft cry, but a scared one - I went in, sat criss-cross applesauce (as my five year old friend says) on the bed next to hers, and held her there till she fell asleep again. It was a very humbling moment, knowing that I can comfort her and take away her fear.

I'm alone tonight. Will drove nine+ hours to another interview, which starts at 6:45 a.m. tomorrow, and then he'll drive back, and hopefully not push himself to the brink of exhaustion and stay overnight in a hotel. And then after his classes, we'll leave to visit family this weekend, who live close to Will's last interview of the season.

These past six months have been our leap of faith. Now, we wait three-ish more and wait to see what our pay-off is. It's frightening. It's exhilarating. It's our adventure. This move for Will's M.S. isn't just about him and his future job prospects. It's about us. It's about pursuing medicine and pursuing a family; it's about trust and not being afraid.

In this next year, God willing, we'll be employed, we'll move, and we'll be pregnant again. I'm starting a new job, Will's starting a new job, Grace is on the half-roll train, so I guess once those arms discover what they can do, she'll jump into crawling, walking and talking...

Which, I suppose, is why I don't like bucket lists. Not just because you could not pay me a billion dollars to jump out of an airplane (or off a roof), but, because, no matter where I go, I'm just so grateful for my life. I had two goals post-college: be happy at my job and to travel overseas. I did both, and they taught me that true happiness comes from God, who is love. True happiness comes from loving yourself first, and about accepting yourself as easily as you accept the ones you love. When you love yourself, as God loves you, you can better love others, and accept their love.

I remember, before Will and I were engaged, and he was telling me about the current rotation he was on, and the topic of death came up; the way he talked so freely about his own death prompted tears on my end, and I hugged him fiercely. I had been with him a few months earlier, when his grandfather died. The way the clock's hands tick, the way life is like running water: what I mean is, there is nothing more courageous and brave that I've ever done than to admit to Will how much I love him, and to live it.

Will and I have never had a fight, and it's not because we haven't disagreed or been hurt by the other person. It's because we talk about it, even when I'm too pained to think of words. It's the way we enjoy each other's strengths and compensate for each other's weaknesses. It's the way we care for each other, our child, and get excited about our future littles.

Without this beautiful love, it might seem odd that Will and I are happy we got preggo two weeks post-wedding; happy we went through periods of suffering and serious self-doubt before the birth of our child; happy to be relatively low-on-assets (for the time being) in exchange for being parents; happily planning our next child to be born during residency, presumably the busiest time of our life.

This year, I am practicing love. I can't solve homelessness, but I can help it. I can't fix all the problems, but I can listen. I could get frustrated or I could take a deep breath and seek perspective and prayer. Life is too short to be angry or resentful (something I struggle with); life is too fragile, too precious not to try and show love, as well as give it.

Because, at the end of it all, what else matters?

What the Opposite of Insomnia? Zombie Land.

When I was pregnant with Grace, I had insomnia, even while taking sleep medications. It was positively horrible. I was so tired that I couldn't do anything but think about how tired I was. I would try to pray the rosary, but forget where I was (usually counted on my fingers) or how to say the prayers. I would get up to work, bur be too tired to read or write. It was a fate worse than death - tired and unproductive by day and night.

So, pretty much preparing me for a normal life post-Grace.

Monday: Grace was awake between 2-4 a.m. As I fed her and burped her and changed her diaper (twice) and paced around the six steps between our bedroom door and the outside wall), I wondered, Why you were still awake?

Wednesday: Grace cried for 3-4 hours for seemingly no reason. Fortunately, before bed. 

No! Not my gum drop buttons!

Friday: We're having another crying day. She cried with her Dad. She cried with her Mom. She cried in the 10 minute drive to pick up Will from class, only to promptly fall asleep for the next two hours. After dinner, Miss Fussykins and I walked to Wal-Mart to look for a new day planner (no success, but Christmas decorations are out!), and she fell asleep. She's awake again, so this post will be short.

Her, earlier. I'm savoring that moment.

The opening to this morning's Psalm was Isaiah 28:8 - The Lord God will wipe away/ the tears from all faces. I laughed when I read that - thank you Lord! I need a good wiping too!

Grace is officially 15 days old today. She's expanded our hearts in so many ways, and stretched me further than I thought I could handle. When I was asked today "what I do all day", I said that my day starts around 3 a.m., when I feed Grace and change her diaper. Back to sleep. Then 6 a.m., when I feed Grace and change her diaper. Maybe sleep? (Will gets up around then; I'm toying with daily mass in the morning vs. before lunch.) Same for 9 a.m., etc. and all the way till the evening, when she goes to sleep for a few hours before her 3 a.m. wake-up call.

My mom left this morning, so this week will be our first alone - just Will, Grace and me. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law will be down in a week or so, but I already miss my mom (and not just because she fixed me an omlette every morning, made sure I ate plenty of vegetables, and believes strongly in dessert). She reminded me to nap and to suppress my "busy bee gene". She helped me not feel overwhelmed when Grace refused to be soothed. She carried Grace, changed her diapers, gave her baths, showered Grace with love, and introduced her to the "No Such Thing As Too Many Pictures" family motto.

Okay, you caught me. Binky to the rescue!

I'm so tired now. I can fall asleep and stay asleep. Tonight, on our quest for a new day planner, I could have sat down and snoozed for a few minutes. I walked around in a daze, jealous of Grace sleeping while being cuddled in the baby snuggly.

And it is such a good tired. The kind of tired after a good work-out; the kind of tired when you know you're doing a job well done. I'm tired, and I've never felt so fulfilled day after day. It really is amazing. I'm not totally organized - I did two loads of laundry and folded one - I did not make it to the grocery store - I'm still writing out thank you cards - I'm hopelessly behind on my real writing projects - I am content.

This evening's verse before the Canticle of Mary prayer is Acts 3:6 - Peter said, 'I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, [rise and] walk.'

The beauty of living out one's purpose, one's vocation, is that one's soul is happy. The work load may be heavy or tedious or crabby, but the reasons for your work is in its fruits. I still can't believe how blessed I am to be married to Will and doubly blessed with our daughter. God is so good, and works through all the cracks of our flaws and failures to lead us on the path of salvation.

I fully admit that I'm a bit terrified of being a stay-at-home mom. I'll still be writing and editing, but even that has taken a backseat through my rough pregnancy and now recovering postpartum time. My mom worked outside the home while I was growing up (her vocation is in medicine as well as being a mom!), so my main influence has been a work-home balance. Fortunately, most of my mom's side as well as my mother-in-law stayed home with her kids, so I'll have many sounding boards.

Friends, how do you walk in this life? Is there a hop in your step or do you drag your heels? Do you consider your job part of your vocation or more of a career which will you will gladly relinquish one day?

Annnnnnnnd she's asleep (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). And so I adieu, adieu, to you, and you, and you! This zombie needs to re-charge her batteries.

Adventure Is Out There

As seen at The Mirror Magazine

This one's for the independent gal, wondering where her life is going - wondering what's she's doing, and if she's missing something, and where her time is truly going.

Adventure is out there! And you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not intended to stand still, unless it is to feel the breeze or catch the rain. You are never "stuck" - and if you find yourself waiting, use the time well.

10. Read a book.

What is more precious than developing your mind? Catch up on old favorites (Ella Enchanted, anyone?) and new finds. Move away from the laptop and your phone, and just fall into the coziness of reading (or listening to books on tape, if that is better!).

9. Drink and be merry! 

Sometimes, a good beer can just hit the spot. Or chilled red wine with dinner - divine. Even better - visit a winery, or a brewery, or a distillery, if that's more your flavor. Take a friend (or family member), sign up for a tour, and enjoy yourself.

8. Find purpose in your work.

Why are you working in that job? It is one thing to make money (which is a very important); it is another thing to find joy. Yes, there are hard days, and there will be worse days, but what makes you keep at it? What makes you tick? How do you feel after doing a good job? Do you need more feedback? Are you open to criticism? Talk to your boss; be on the same page so that you can be the best member of the team possible.

7. Keep up with friends.

In this age of technology, do more than a "what's up?" text. Keep them updated on your life via e-mail, handwritten letter or phone call, and be just as earnest to talk about their life. Be open to friends not being close to you any more, and open to finding new friends as well. There are so many people on this adventure - stick to the ones who stick to you.

6. Explore possibilities.

As an introvert, it can be very daunting to try new things, but very rewarding as well. I took tennis lessons when I was younger and enjoyed them, but never got particularly good as my family plays for kicks and giggles. After college, since I am never going to play lacrosse again, or soccer seriously, I decided it was time for a new venture. I took lessons at our swim club, and lo and behold! I was not the worst or the best! And I made a few tennis buddies of my own.

The biggest hardship for many people is remembering that, more likely than not, people are interested in making friends. You will not click with everyone, and having a good conversation does not mean you're destined to be BFFs-forever-and-ever, but as Rudyard Kipling says,  "One man in a thousand, Solomon says,/ Will stick more close than a brother./ And it's worth while seeking him half your days/ If you find him before the other." Take a genuine interest in other people; it'll be nice to step outside yourself for a while.

5. Accept second-best and pursue your passions.

If you want to learn how to knit, do it because you want to, not because you must create the perfect hat on the first try. If you want to learn to fish, you might not catch any fish the first few times. If you go canoeing or kayaking, you may tip over. If you learn calligraphy, it might look like you got drunk with a fancy pen. And that's okay. Do what you love, or think you're going to love - why wait?

4. Travel!

This is the best part of the adventure - going on your own. Traveling is not limited to outside the country, either; there are so many beautiful places in America, even if you go an hour away to a big state park for a picnic lunch and a short hike - what a trip! Outside the country is great as well, but is a different sort of adventure, complete with higher expenses, a possible different language barrier, and less spontaneity.

Of course, if your co-traveler speaks the language... even better!

I also highly recommend traveling with a loved one, both family and friend. The memories you'll make are irreplaceable!

3. Be content.

There is no one made like you, and your challenges are unique. They are hard, and they are going to flavor your life in their own way. But don't let them overwhelm you! Everything can be conquered: poverty, poor self-image, sadness, lack of direction. Be kind to yourself, wonderful you! You're

2. Be brave.



Keep the door open for change! Take a job that isn't your dream job, write on your blog, go out with someone who isn't "perfect", volunteer, speak your mind, respect others, and be open to whatever comes your way -- especially if it's not part of "the plan"! Sometimes, those detours are the most fun.

(Hat tip to my sister, who sent me this video - and cheers to one of the bravest people I know!)

1. Keep it loose, keep it tight.



Amos Lee sings, "But sometimes,/ We forget what we got,/ Who we are./ Oh who are are not./ I think we gotta chance,/ To make it right."

Don't forget who you are, dear reader. Don't get caught up in other people's passions or problems. Don't let another person's dark cloud find its way over your head. Don't let Pintrest make you feel inadequate. Don't let another person's happiness take away from your own. We're all on a different journey, and yours is amazing.

Any more ideas for adventures, dear readers?

A Husband Is Not The Answer

Or a wife. Or a significant other. Or a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, as the King from The King and I liked to say. (I'll be approaching this article as girl to girl, in terms of pronouns, but I presume men can relate too!)

I saw a #singlegirlproblems post which bothers me excruciatingly - that the girl only wanted a husband, not friends. Without channeling Ya-Ya Sisterhood on y'all, I could not disagree more, and here's my basic breakdown of why: husbands are mortal, friends are backboards, you are irreplaceable.

Husbands, Mere Mortals

In Disney's Hercules, Meg is adamant about not being in love.



In the end, she folds. Okay, she's in love. Thanks, Muses. I suppose we all reach that point: we want to be with the one our soul seeks. We want love, the glory of love, the feelings of love, the need and want to be loved, and to love in return. Think of all the Pintrest projects you could attempt if you were in love! We women want to be the jelly to his peanut butter, the other half of his heart.

But already, you're aspiring to an ideal. You are thinking about your side of the bargain; and what about his?

My husband and I complement each other very well- but we're very different. Different food preferences, different cleaning preferences, different schedules, different aspirations. I know, and understand, that I do not fulfill life for him. I'd be more enthusiastic to exercise, more competitive, a better tennis player. But he's a good sport, and goes swimming with his wife the preggo whale.

I don't know what's happening, but it's silly

I love Will just as he is - which is hardly perfect , but perfect for me. Will is human, which means, for as much as I adore him, he'll never fulfill me. And that is why we go to mass with each other every Sunday, and worship and pray before the only human-and-divine man who could possibly satisfy: our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I do not mean this in a cheesy way. I mean this in a very real way. If you have not found your significant other, you are not being punished. You are just as worthy as the girl next to you. You were made in the image of God, which is to say, your soul contains the logos, a piece of the infinite. God is with you, and he will always be with you. This life you're experiencing? It's a journey. There is no end point until Judgement Day, where we will be able to finally know and understand the awesome love and mercy of God.

Being single is a vocation, and it can be a very heavy cross. In this age of social media, it is hard to see pictures of engagements, marriages and babies popping up on every news feed. But do not forget that people in tough marriages or struggling with infertility are also seeing those pictures, and they have their own cross to bear as well. No one is excluded from hardship in this life. Life is hard, and worth pressing on through - more than pressing on, even: enjoying!

There are small joys everywhere - try to find them in the every day, not the grand gestures.

Friends, Backboards (and sometimes backbones)

Ever wonder if a guy is for you? Ask a good friend. She'll tell you straight. You might disagree with her (just a little bit), and then realize (slowly, sooo slowly) that she is right. Near the end of another relationship, my bestie Julia gave me the same advice I had given her a year or so earlier: let it go, and let God. 

Ug. Let what go? My want to be married, and my frustration that my wants were not aligning with another's stars. 

I began earnestly praying, begging God: please let me bear fruit in my single life. Please let me be happy.

And God totally turned my world upside down. In a strange turn of events, I quit my job, I moved home, I sponsored a girl in RCIA, I met my future husband, I co-started the Bright Maidens. These things may not look connected, but they are through God's grace.

I could have done none of the above without my friends. I was encouraged to quit (and stand up for myself) after being treated badly, I was encouraged to move home when I wondered if that was the best decision (YES), I was inspired to sponsor by friends who were actively involved in other types of Church ministry, I met my husband through mutual friends, and I made two very dear friends as we started a new adventure of online evangelization.

Most importantly, it was friendships which kept me grounded in my growing relationship with Will. He met my friends, and I met his. We all got along, and we all learned different sides of each other. And since Will and I continue to be different people (none of this combining names or FB accounts, etc.! Personal autonomy!!), we will both continue to be better friends to each other, as well as cherishing old and new friendships together.

Here is a friend we both have, who always reminds me of why friendships are so important, in addition to marriage and familial relationships - he makes us laugh, he makes us cry, and he reminds us why friends are the ones who love us no matter what (even if we have abrasive personalities):



You Are Irreplaceable

Cue a Michael Buble song. It's so easy to be envious. It's so natural to want to be in the next stage of your life. But you're being given a gift right now: it's not a man, it's an opportunity. Pursue yourself. Pursue your dreams, goals, desires. There is nothing holding you back, except the time it takes to prepare.

I recently stumbled upon a couple interviews I did for my Theology of the Human Heart class in high school. I interviewed my cousin, my aunt/godmother, my mother, and my grandmother. The two that especially struck me were my aunt's and grandmother's - my aunt got married in her later 30's, and loves how much she was able to pursue her career and travel. My grandmother got married in her low 20's, and said that if she could have pursued a career path, she would have enjoyed being a t.v. anchor. My own mother got married at 25 and pursued a Master's instead of an M.D. She made that decision so that she and my Dad could have a bigger family with a more flexible schedule. Everyone made the right decisions for them, even though they came at different points in life, and for different reasons.

Photo credit: madeinhisimage.org

As for me, I've had to overcome being envious of not working for a regular publication full-time. Instead, I'm starting to take freelancing more seriously because that is the path I am currently on, as well as continuing to write book reviews and cultivating my pet projects. My current focus is supporting my husband, keeping house and finance control, and - soon enough - taking care of my little one. I'll be where I want to be eventually, and I'm learning to enjoy a different pace of life. I'm happy, even with the lumps of life. They certainly add perspective and reasons to stay grateful.

When I was single, I worked multiple jobs and I traveled, because that was my post-college plan. I also audited a class at the local seminary, spent time with my family (who I miss terribly right now), wrote, and prayed for my future spouse. This last part is especially important for me, because as much as I prayed, I was extremely humbled to hear that my future MIL had been praying for me as well. Never underestimate the power of prayer, or the miracles that can happen within when you spend more time with our Lord and less time consumed with pettiness, envy, sadness and anger. I'm working on this too, and dear reader, I am praying for you.

God works in mysterious ways, but we are all part of his glorious tapestry. Today, I continue to pray for my spouse. Life is better with him, but not easier. Everyone has challenges, and it is too simple to wish them away by adding in another person. No one can make you happy except you. More money will not make you happy. A different job will not make you happy. If you cannot find happiness within yourself, and accept your circumstances, and work every day to be a better person and a follower of Christ, then having a husband will be like a band-aid over a gaping wound. You need stitches. You need hope. You need to believe that life is an adventure, and you're in for a ride. You need to know that you are worthy of wonderful things happening to you.

A husband is a wonderful companion, but you are irreplaceable, and your happiness is contingent on you.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hid from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40: 27-31)

New Year, New Name

Happy 2013, readers! I spent most of December 31, 2012 in four airports/ on a plane/ watching Muppet Treasure Island and The Hunger Games (God bless laptops and airports/planes with outlets!)/ writing/ trying not to annoy B. with my inability to decide what I wanted to eat. We got home super late, and I collapsed until quite late into January 1. It is certainly delightful to begin 2013 well-rested!

I am pleased as punch to finally let you know what my significant other's "B" stands for: Baldwin!

Our marriage ceremony

I'll still be referring to my dear husband as B. because he's the best! I'll also be publishing as J.R. Baldwin from here on (except on the blog- still Julie to y'all!). My twitter handle remains the same; updating Pintrest (how fancy!).

I am not sure how I feel about new years resolutions. On one hand, they are a great time to be introspective about things I'd like to change or do. I've never been exceptionally keen on having new years resolutions (I completed half of these), but after reading Hannah's list (who published my I Am Thankful For post!) and Leah's link-up, I decided to indulge.

I resolve to read the daily Mass readings and say a prayer of Spiritual Communion each day, especially if I am unable to attend daily Mass. Life is too short, and too busy- but I can never be too busy for God. I read my Magnificat, and still I need to trouble myself to be more diligent to God's word. This world is so beautiful, and yet my soul has yet to be properly prepared for the splendors of Heaven!

Bonus point: Daily mass! Morning prayer too!

Us on top of a mountain we climbed!

I resolve to have a happy heart and willing spirit to exercise. My husband is very excited about exercising together, and I should be open to the company! I've tried spinning, pilates and now yoga and I can report that it is more pride than lack of athleticism holding me back. Nike's right: I need to JUST DO IT!!

Bonus point: Make a schedule and stick to it! Drink more water and sleep at least 7-8 hours too.

I resolve to pray for vocations. So many of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ are single or searching for what the Lord has in store for them; let me assist and remember what it feels like to wander!

Bonus point: Write more posts on vocations as relationships editor of Ignitum Today.

I resolve to publish more. Severe time constraints (and pride) in 2012 kept me from updating this blog and meeting proper deadlines, and I am absolutely resolved in 2013 to hop back on the properly publishing train! I've written a lot, but published 20-30% of it (maybe). It's time to release more Julie Thoughts and Prose.

Bonus point: Blog more. It makes me happy, it makes dear readers happy: win-win!

I resolve to organize, purge, and be prudent. I have a lot of papers. I have a lot of memories. I have a huge to-scrapbook-and-create-adorableness box, and, at some point, I will have to face it. Especially since B. and I may move (again) in 6 months for his work. I also need to organize personal papers and finances to accommodate for my change in marital status.

Bonus Point: Get pictures into photo-books!

And, finally:

I resolve to seek beauty, love, hope and truth first. As Victor Hugo saith, "To love another person is to see the face of God."

I love him!

Any resolutions for 2013, dear readers?

Not So Complicated

Flying home, the college lady next to me mentioned she was in a “complicated” relationship with someone back home. I smiled and said I’d been there.

“Make sure you draw clear lines,” I said. “Relationships don’t have to be complicated.”

Perhaps this sounds too simplistic – as I fear the lady took it – because life itself is full of complications. But if it’s the wrong time for one person, it’s the wrong person for both parties. If this is the case, it is time to step back and seek perspective on what God could have planned for us during this season of our life.

In Isaiah, God says that he knew us before we were knit in our mother’s womb. In Tobit, he speaks of putting two people together before they were born. Yet, this is not to say that one specific person is destined to only be with another specific person. A highly romantic notion, to be sure, but also an unlikely one. That idea puts limitations on God’s creation and takes away the beauty of two people who choose to marry, verses two people whom accept that they are destined to be married.

Love is of God, and God allows people to be compatible with more than one person, just as people could be happy and able to do many different jobs or live in a variety of locations. God works between the cracks of choice and acts of free will. God has plans for us: follow his commandments, love and be loved. The rest is expendable.

It is easy to talk about the hook-up culture, tsk at the people who participate, explain intellectually why playing with such emotions through a physical relationship is damaging in the long-term; but in the short-term, it is much, much harder to break out of it. The people involved are not looking for easy love – they’re looking for any kind of love. They want authentic love and they’re scared it might pass them by. They have a hard time grasping an emotion without a touch, a pursuit without a guarantee, a promise worth forever.

The place to start is yourself and with the company you keep. When you ask your friends for advice, do you often turn to God as well? He is no fair-weathered friend. He may know all, but he still wants you to ask and show that you value him. Make time to pray and find quiet within so as to listen better. Frequent the sacraments for grace and read the day’s mass readings. God talks to all of us through the Holy Scripture.

The more we turn to God as our friend, the more readily our complicated situation will have more light shed upon it and the right road shall be easier to tread.

Originally posted at Ignitum Today

Don't Pay No Mind To The Demons

Here's Phillip Phillips' "Home":


Back from a whirlwind trip driving with my fiance down to Hotlanta for his next EM rotation and then flying immediately back up for work tomorrow.

Today: 117 days till our wedding.

Tomorrow: B. begins to discern if this program is one he'd be interested in and if this town gets priority in the application process.

Please keep us in your prayers as we move towards our life together- there can be a lot of demons looming around good things, trying to distract from the blessings we all have in our lives. Remember, the Lord is with you! Blessed is his name! Let your witness in this world be a candle upon a hill.

Here's an awesome vocation video by the Dominicans (a.k.a. my faves) too. Pray for all religious and all discerning too! May we lay people support them through our generous hearts, prayers, time and wallets.

Christ, My Wingman

The morning after my future sister’s wedding, my fiance and I attended the family brunch and were asked the question: short or long engagement?

B. said “short” and I said “long” – the listeners laughed.

Fiance and me

We’ve been engaged for eight months now; four more months to go. It’s been a struggle intertwined with the joy of deepening our relationship and connections. As B. prepares to apply for residencies, I’m working, planning our wedding and preparing to transition into married life. We’ve made budgets and meshed five year plans. I’ve decided to delay grad school and he’s studied for and taken test after test following each rotation.

And that’s love, we’ve been told – let each struggle bring you closer together and closer to God, they say. But those practicalities are not even the hardest part for us. No, the hardest part of our engagement is that we’re still single people.

Continue reading at Ignitum Today>>>>>>

To be cross-posted at The Spiritual Workout

And These Thy Gifts

Earlier this week, I spoke with a financial planner with no real idea of why I was meeting with him. I had a couple hunches, though, to why my friend recommended me to him:

1) I'm getting married;
2) my betrothed is still in school;
3) I will be the only bread winner for the first half of our first year;
4) Our finances and budgeting are going to have to adjust over marriage, moving and any other life changing events that start to come our way.

Where does one even begin??

Fortunately, it begins now, and it begins with honesty.

Look at your finances. Even if you feel crunched under the amount of debt in your life, it isn't unconquerable. In the short term, perhaps, but not in the long, if you are willing to cut down and save.

More importantly, however, finances are more than just a save-here, spend-there mentality. Finances correlate to faith, and not in the Prosperity = God Loves You kind of way. Rather, it begins with an acknowledgement that we owe everything to God. Not our rent check, but our lives, and one way we can show gratitude for the gifts he has shared with us is to give back to the Church. This is called tithing.

Tithing

The recommended amount one tithes is 10 percent of your income. How you tithe, however, is up to you. For instance, most of my tithing goes into supporting Catholic organizations. I help sponsor my friend Gina in FOCUS (since they have to raise their own salary) and give to the Dominican sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist in Ann Arbor. I also give directly to the Church.

10 percent is actually quite a small chunk of change in one's budget, especially since we're playing the honesty card and realize that one's finances tend to be spent more at Amazon.com or the coffee shop than such a good cause of supporting our Church.

If money is quite tight, another way to give to the Church is through one's time and volunteering at Catholic charities or within programs, like RCIA, being a Eucharistic minister, teaching little children, visiting the elderly and infirm, or even helping with the rectory's upkeep!

The point of tithing is not just offering up a sacrifice; it is combined with the genuine intention of giving thanks. When Mary and Joseph went to give an offering at the temple when Jesus was born, they gave a pair of doves. That was a very humble offering in comparison of what they could have made, but it was a noble one in the eyes of God.

Savings and Debt

The best advice I've heard of this subject came from my aforementioned friend (the one who recommended me to see the financial planner, and works for a big finance company himself). He told me to just cut out the amount you want to save and need to pay right from my budget and pretend it's not there to spend.

This should happen every month to make it into a habit. I repeat: every single month, put those dolla-dolla bills into savings!

Savings does not need to happen in large chunks. Remember piggy banks? Never a bad mentality. Collect your loose coins and dollars and tuck them away for later. The excitement of finding $20 in your pocket will be nothing compared with the realization that you have hundreds of dollars in loose change!

So, to reiterate: X - Y = Z

I made X amount, subtract Y (monthly savings + monthly debt payment) and Z is what I have left over. This equation can (and will!) be made more complicated with more and varied payments, like car payments or rent or food. This means we should talk budget.

Budget

I've made a lot of these. They never seem to pan out the way I mean them too, but either way, they are an absolute necessity. A budget is a plan and a guide. Your savings and checking accounts are part of that budget. Your debt is part of that budget. Your semi-annual car payments and oil changes every 3,000 miles are part of the budget.

Budgets say, You can't plan for everything but you can try, and maybe take the edge off when things cost more. This in an invaluable and essential part of having financial savvy. Those numbers don't lie either: find out how much you're really making (after taxes), how much you're spending, and what's left.

Money Matters

You don't have to be making the big bucks to make smart money decisions, nor do you need to go to a financial planner (although it's not a bad idea - and not an expensive one, either!). You absolutely do, however, need to be honest with yourself.

In the film Yours, Mine and Ours, Lucille Ball has 8 kids and Henry Fonda has 10 kids. Then they get married. (That's right, 18 kids.) One of my favorite scenes from the movie is when they are at the grocery store, piling up food into carts and pulling them behind them while discussing each of them adopting the other's children. They didn't have the money and so Fonda made the symbolic and literal sacrifice of putting his beer back as a way to save money.

My parents and their greatest assets!

(Seriously, where have all the good movies gone?!)

Money can be a good thing, although it is not a good unto itself. Money is for spending - but how you decide to do so is what makes a personal financially responsible and secure, not the size of your income. People all across the wealth spectrum are making great and crummy money decisions. You don't want to pay for health services but you want a new pair of shoes and the latest album? Priorities are all askew, yet finances need to be one of them - especially in this age of financial uncertainty.

In tithing, we give back to God, from whom all blessings flow. In savings, we prepare for sun and stormy times ahead. In paying off debt, we honor another's trust. There may be a system (how to pay, when to pay, who pays), but to have any of the above is a gift. Personal financial responsibility helps society just as much as giving unto other can do.

How do you make financial decisions?

The Mother's Dilemma

Because I've been slacking this whole week on my Bright Maiden post, I've decided to double it as my 7 Quick Takes for the week! YEAH!

ONE

TBM Topic 33: Stay-At-Home vs. Working Mothers

"The Mother's Dilemma" by Julie Robison
"On Motherhood" by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

TWO

The first thing I think about my childhood is chocolate chip ice cream cones, us kids running through the sprinkler, and my mom wearing a headband and swimsuit while she sat in the sun, watching us and reading. What was she reading, you ask?

Oh, you know. The norm. Her cancer research.

Ironic, I know.

My mom is an oncology clinical nurse specialist - that is, an educator, a researcher, article writer, book editor, and well-beloved member of the hospital she's worked at for most of my life.

My mom has also been a Brownie leader, Cub Scout mom, volleyball and soccer coach, a good-enough cook, eater and maker of anything involving chocolate, a good listener, too fair of a judge, encouraging card writer, presents just because buyer, and mom to six kids.

These six kids:

We're the kids your mom probably warned you about

THREE

My mom is super woman. My Dad has had to ask that she not head up so many committees because she keeps getting elected to lead organizations. She was "Woman of the Year" at our high school alma mater, Employee of the Year (twice!) at her hospital, and this year she was nominated for "Healthcare Hero" from her hospital, in a city-wide event.

My mom comes from a family where most women are stay-at-home moms, and she definitely forged her own path. She gave up going to medical school so that she could have more scheule flexibility, since she and Dad wanted lots of kids so she could make us dress in matching outfits for pictures. (See below.)

Christmas card!

FOUR

This choice to work has had its perks and downfalls, but I certainly cannot imagine our family life without my mother working as she does. She's a role model in how to deal with tricky situations, time management, multi-tasking, and keeping cheerful when the going gets tough. With so many kids, Mom has really been able to help out the family financially. It also provides an outlet for her to receive outside appreciation in an area where she truly excels.

Mom in her makeshift office during hospital renovations

All woman need this kind of outlet: my maternal grandmother is hostess, flower-arranger, tennis player, and thoughtfulness unlimited extraordinaire. One aunt is a speech pathologist and professor; she is also amazing at sewing and handmade most costumes for her two girls, which were consequently passed down to us six (and held up well!).

Another aunt paints and takes wonderful pictures, which is a skill she's able to contribute to a cancer non-profit she volunteers with. A couple aunts stay at home with their kids and are active at their schools. A couple more work full-time.

All the women in my life have been amazing inspirations for me, and are wonderful at what they do, and this is where I have a beef with this "debate" about women in the work force.

FIVE

There are as many types of mothers as there are children. My mother, for instance, could not work the way she does if she had a special-needs child. My mother could not have worked as she did when we were younger if my parents could not have afforded extra help. My mother might have had to work more if my father was unemployed, deceased, or not around. My mother may also prefer to work so as to better handle her children's shenanigans (pure conjecture).

We don't have special needs, we're just "special"...

My mother is not a stay-at-home mom. She decorates the house for every major and minor holiday, is constantly organizing, and pushes through enough loads of laundry a week to keep her active children clothed. She's never been much of a cook, but she learned and keeps us kids healthy. As much as she loves us, she loves work too. Moreover, she never neglected us and always makes us feel loved. Just because one woman stays home with her kids, it does not diminish another mother's out-of-home pursuits.

Moreover, working women is not a "new phenomena." Women have been putting in their fair share since cave men needed to cook the water buffalo they brought down. So is the question more about equality?

When people say women are being "kept down" because they don't get paid as much as men, I wonder where those numbers are coming from: is this an apples and oranges comparison? Are different jobs being compared or are men and women working the same job and not being paid the same? (Or is it both?)

Nevertheless, if women's power is only showed through a paycheck or a work title, then women are being under-sold and under appreciated.

It must be difficult for a woman to feel she is a competent partner to her husband if she herself does not see her work at home as worthwhile. The marriage partnership between men and women cannot be had without mutual understanding, a willingness to pitch in and listen, respect of self and others, and love. It has nothing to do with how many times a person made dinner verses how many times the other person mowed the lawn.

In my life time, I have seen mostly scorn towards the idea of a woman staying home with her children. But isn't that like teaching? And isn't teaching a worthwhile venture? The formation of little minds and souls? To overemphasize a woman's need to be fruitful outside the home diminishes all efforts done within it. Women are so much more than their job title, and motherhood is more than bearing and raising children.

SIX 

As I prepare for marriage, I'm in the midst of planning: planning a wedding, planning a move out of my parents' house, planning another move out of the state for B.'s residency (starting 6 or so months after the wedding), planning family finances, and planning for grad school.

I'm also planning and praying about working. I'm not convinced the stay at home without working life is for me, nor would I like to have a time-consuming job outside the home with little ones underfoot.

Most of us in super-hot Tennessee

Women have an awesome opportunity to kick "typical" to the curb and try their hand at new adventures. While men have the duty and responsibility to provide for their family, women have the opportunity to create a home. This home will be run according for the parents, their needs and desires, rooted ultimately in the best they can offer their children.

If the woman works outside the home, the family will function as such.
If the woman works in the home, the family will function as such.
If the woman's work is the home, the family will function as such.

There is no right answer when it comes to one's vocation, as long as it is properly aligned with God and your loved ones.

SEVEN

I'm excited to be a mom. One way I'm inadvertently preparing for this is my part-time babysitting job for a neighboring family. The mom works from home, and I am so glad I get to help their little unit function well. I get to dress her kids, play with her kids, feed her kids, and cart them around. I know she loves to do that too, but I know it's also nice to have a break, get some work done, go to an exercise class, get lunch with her mom, and spend time with friends.

In this life balance we seek, kids are only a burden to the unimaginative. Motherhood is a special role only women can fill and it is in our feminine genius to discern how best to serve one's family in that way. If physical motherhood is not attainable for women (for those called to a religious or chaste single life), then spiritual motherhood is, by being a kind woman children can look up to, other adults can respect, and that awesome aunt kids love to have.

Nothing in this life is less clear-clear cut or for the faint of heart, but being a Mom is certainly the most important job that no one can properly label.

Aunts, Grandmother, Mother: real-life feminine geniuses

What are your thoughts on motherhood and working?

(Thanks to Jen for hosting!)