What's So Scary About Another Baby? (Or, Why I'll Never Have A Bucket List)

This week is my cleansing week.

On Sunday, Will and I did an overall cleaning.
On Monday, I deep cleaned and paid bills.
On Tuesday, laundry and grocery shopping.
Today, more laundry and cleaning; lunch with a Hillsdale friend.
Tomorrow, third floor, an oil change, then packing for Iowa and Kansas.
Friday, errands and leaving.
Saturday, more driving and visiting family for the weekend before the very last interview.

Yesterday, Grace decided that being put down was for chumps and she was having none of it. I told her self-soothing was important, so we had a little tummy time, but mostly she cooed/ whined at me, fell asleep, cried more, nursed, repeat. I'm falling more and more in love with her Wubbanub and I'm here to say - if you have a baby, you need one. I've been sorting through everything we now own thanks to Thanksgiving/ Baptism/ Christmas, so I'm actually made a mess more than cleaning one up... but you know, duty calls. Repeat today. And tomorrow.

With all these resolutions and bucket lists floating around, I couldn't help but notice a few missing. I'm not sure if I'm making resolutions this year, as much as I am continuing to create habits and cultivate more virtue. If I am going to make a resolution, it is to love people as God loves them.

I got this idea from a priest during confession, when I was telling him how I was failing in loving, because the person causing me to stumble does not even know. He laughed a bit with me, and told me he had no advice. Perhaps, he suggested, you need to try loving the person as God loves them.

The person who pushes your buttons. The person who belittles your beliefs. The person who you need a gun to your head so that you can remember to be a good person, like the Misfit said.

And especially your family. I've always been struck by the profoundness of Blessed Teresa of Culcutta's, "Want to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

I get teary looking at Grace post-feeding. She sleeps in the cradle of my arm, holding my shirt in her little fist. I'm trapped. I can't move or she'll wake up, and, you know? That's okay. I have nothing more important to do than love my child. And tonight, when she cried a half hour after I put her to bed - not a soft cry, but a scared one - I went in, sat criss-cross applesauce (as my five year old friend says) on the bed next to hers, and held her there till she fell asleep again. It was a very humbling moment, knowing that I can comfort her and take away her fear.

I'm alone tonight. Will drove nine+ hours to another interview, which starts at 6:45 a.m. tomorrow, and then he'll drive back, and hopefully not push himself to the brink of exhaustion and stay overnight in a hotel. And then after his classes, we'll leave to visit family this weekend, who live close to Will's last interview of the season.

These past six months have been our leap of faith. Now, we wait three-ish more and wait to see what our pay-off is. It's frightening. It's exhilarating. It's our adventure. This move for Will's M.S. isn't just about him and his future job prospects. It's about us. It's about pursuing medicine and pursuing a family; it's about trust and not being afraid.

In this next year, God willing, we'll be employed, we'll move, and we'll be pregnant again. I'm starting a new job, Will's starting a new job, Grace is on the half-roll train, so I guess once those arms discover what they can do, she'll jump into crawling, walking and talking...

Which, I suppose, is why I don't like bucket lists. Not just because you could not pay me a billion dollars to jump out of an airplane (or off a roof), but, because, no matter where I go, I'm just so grateful for my life. I had two goals post-college: be happy at my job and to travel overseas. I did both, and they taught me that true happiness comes from God, who is love. True happiness comes from loving yourself first, and about accepting yourself as easily as you accept the ones you love. When you love yourself, as God loves you, you can better love others, and accept their love.

I remember, before Will and I were engaged, and he was telling me about the current rotation he was on, and the topic of death came up; the way he talked so freely about his own death prompted tears on my end, and I hugged him fiercely. I had been with him a few months earlier, when his grandfather died. The way the clock's hands tick, the way life is like running water: what I mean is, there is nothing more courageous and brave that I've ever done than to admit to Will how much I love him, and to live it.

Will and I have never had a fight, and it's not because we haven't disagreed or been hurt by the other person. It's because we talk about it, even when I'm too pained to think of words. It's the way we enjoy each other's strengths and compensate for each other's weaknesses. It's the way we care for each other, our child, and get excited about our future littles.

Without this beautiful love, it might seem odd that Will and I are happy we got preggo two weeks post-wedding; happy we went through periods of suffering and serious self-doubt before the birth of our child; happy to be relatively low-on-assets (for the time being) in exchange for being parents; happily planning our next child to be born during residency, presumably the busiest time of our life.

This year, I am practicing love. I can't solve homelessness, but I can help it. I can't fix all the problems, but I can listen. I could get frustrated or I could take a deep breath and seek perspective and prayer. Life is too short to be angry or resentful (something I struggle with); life is too fragile, too precious not to try and show love, as well as give it.

Because, at the end of it all, what else matters?

#7QT: Hey Jealousy

Apparently it is Friday... I am losing all track of the days. Thanks to Jen, Cari & co. for keeping "it" going! (psst, look at Cari's awesome post about her awesome book)

ONE

Okay, I am giving myself 15 minutes to write this post as Will paces back and forth with Miss Fussykins, a.k.a. Grace Harriet, the newest member of the Baldwin Bunch. (Birth story here for those late to the game!)

Yawn.

This morning, I woke up with the newest emotion to add to my "new mom emotion spectrum": jealousy. I was wildly jealous of how Grace just plopped to back to sleep after her morning feedings because "someone" kept me up till 2 a.m.

Instead of getting mad, I sang this song instead:



I saw them in concert a few years ago with my cousin Sarah... it was free, and awesome. Grace and I also jump in the car, but the cops don't chase us around. I also thought his song was "Hey Jessie" growing up, but we all know Rick Springfield already tapped that for a title.

TWO

If you want delicious reads to appear in your inbox each day, may I recommend subscribing to Prufrock: Books, Art, Ideas by Micah Mattix via The American Conservative? Just lovely. Subscribe here!

THREE

In college, my Latin professor loved telling us that at school, you could study, sleep or socialize - that is, pick two out of those three. I hated that advice, but maybe because my socialization usually fell through the cracks - clubs, newspaper writing, Kappa, eating, etc.

Now that I am an adult, I wonder: what are the three things one can do in a day, and then pick two of them? I've decided it's clean - write - take care of baby. (Coffee, eating and sleep are non-negotiable!)

What are your three?

FOUR

In honor of Blessed John Paul II's feast day on October 22:

FIVE

If someone told you they were considering converting to Catholicism and asked you to weigh in, what would you say? A friend asked me this week. Now, I've been blessed to have a couple friends convert and talk me through their thoughts, and pray with them, and pray for them. But every person is different, and so my answer is never quite the same... but it always comes back to the Eucharist for me. The whole of life stems from that, what it means, and our physical encounter with Christ.

Perhaps that is why my favorite part of mass is, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only say the word, and my soul shall be healed."

SIX

In a fit of exhaustion earlier this week, after finally settling Grace down for her nap, I threw myself on the bed and my glasses broke. Join me in mourning the loss of my dear friends.

I know Grace; I'm really sad too!

SEVEN

Annnnnnnd Grace is still sobbing. But here's a cute picture of her to go! My friend Kate got her a "Future Senator" hat.

Her dad doesn't want her to go into politics; I think she looks smashing in pink!

Oh! Oh! For those who live in places where it is perpetually summer, how do you celebrate Fall?? I miss the leaves changing colors...

Happy weekend!

Adventure Is Out There

As seen at The Mirror Magazine

This one's for the independent gal, wondering where her life is going - wondering what's she's doing, and if she's missing something, and where her time is truly going.

Adventure is out there! And you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not intended to stand still, unless it is to feel the breeze or catch the rain. You are never "stuck" - and if you find yourself waiting, use the time well.

10. Read a book.

What is more precious than developing your mind? Catch up on old favorites (Ella Enchanted, anyone?) and new finds. Move away from the laptop and your phone, and just fall into the coziness of reading (or listening to books on tape, if that is better!).

9. Drink and be merry! 

Sometimes, a good beer can just hit the spot. Or chilled red wine with dinner - divine. Even better - visit a winery, or a brewery, or a distillery, if that's more your flavor. Take a friend (or family member), sign up for a tour, and enjoy yourself.

8. Find purpose in your work.

Why are you working in that job? It is one thing to make money (which is a very important); it is another thing to find joy. Yes, there are hard days, and there will be worse days, but what makes you keep at it? What makes you tick? How do you feel after doing a good job? Do you need more feedback? Are you open to criticism? Talk to your boss; be on the same page so that you can be the best member of the team possible.

7. Keep up with friends.

In this age of technology, do more than a "what's up?" text. Keep them updated on your life via e-mail, handwritten letter or phone call, and be just as earnest to talk about their life. Be open to friends not being close to you any more, and open to finding new friends as well. There are so many people on this adventure - stick to the ones who stick to you.

6. Explore possibilities.

As an introvert, it can be very daunting to try new things, but very rewarding as well. I took tennis lessons when I was younger and enjoyed them, but never got particularly good as my family plays for kicks and giggles. After college, since I am never going to play lacrosse again, or soccer seriously, I decided it was time for a new venture. I took lessons at our swim club, and lo and behold! I was not the worst or the best! And I made a few tennis buddies of my own.

The biggest hardship for many people is remembering that, more likely than not, people are interested in making friends. You will not click with everyone, and having a good conversation does not mean you're destined to be BFFs-forever-and-ever, but as Rudyard Kipling says,  "One man in a thousand, Solomon says,/ Will stick more close than a brother./ And it's worth while seeking him half your days/ If you find him before the other." Take a genuine interest in other people; it'll be nice to step outside yourself for a while.

5. Accept second-best and pursue your passions.

If you want to learn how to knit, do it because you want to, not because you must create the perfect hat on the first try. If you want to learn to fish, you might not catch any fish the first few times. If you go canoeing or kayaking, you may tip over. If you learn calligraphy, it might look like you got drunk with a fancy pen. And that's okay. Do what you love, or think you're going to love - why wait?

4. Travel!

This is the best part of the adventure - going on your own. Traveling is not limited to outside the country, either; there are so many beautiful places in America, even if you go an hour away to a big state park for a picnic lunch and a short hike - what a trip! Outside the country is great as well, but is a different sort of adventure, complete with higher expenses, a possible different language barrier, and less spontaneity.

Of course, if your co-traveler speaks the language... even better!

I also highly recommend traveling with a loved one, both family and friend. The memories you'll make are irreplaceable!

3. Be content.

There is no one made like you, and your challenges are unique. They are hard, and they are going to flavor your life in their own way. But don't let them overwhelm you! Everything can be conquered: poverty, poor self-image, sadness, lack of direction. Be kind to yourself, wonderful you! You're

2. Be brave.



Keep the door open for change! Take a job that isn't your dream job, write on your blog, go out with someone who isn't "perfect", volunteer, speak your mind, respect others, and be open to whatever comes your way -- especially if it's not part of "the plan"! Sometimes, those detours are the most fun.

(Hat tip to my sister, who sent me this video - and cheers to one of the bravest people I know!)

1. Keep it loose, keep it tight.



Amos Lee sings, "But sometimes,/ We forget what we got,/ Who we are./ Oh who are are not./ I think we gotta chance,/ To make it right."

Don't forget who you are, dear reader. Don't get caught up in other people's passions or problems. Don't let another person's dark cloud find its way over your head. Don't let Pintrest make you feel inadequate. Don't let another person's happiness take away from your own. We're all on a different journey, and yours is amazing.

Any more ideas for adventures, dear readers?

What Makes Me Cringe

Story 101 - week 3 prompt: Whatever you do, write outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

"What Makes Me Cringe"

Free verse poetry, to start.
I cringe when I see people write write write
No form. No rhyme. Just rhythm.
I love writing but in doing so, I leave myself open for comment
Those confrontational comments, challenging: no mercy, all out.
I could make a list of people I'd like to apologize to me;
Then apologize, too, cringing through the litany of humility.

I try not to think of all the mistakes I make, I've made.
I try not to dwell, I try to remember, I'm not dead. I'm stronger
Than I believe, and smarter than I think (to paraphrase
Christopher Robin to Winnie-the-Pooh)
I'm worthy, I'm a daughter of the Lord
and Steve and Gigi; daughter-in-law too--
Granddaughter, sister, niece, cousin, wife.

What really makes me cringe is the thought of losing hope.
But I've walked through the spiritual desert; I still drink the water
I still bleed. Bleed because I am alive - alive enough to suffer,
Alive because I love another more than myself, lay down my life
Hold a child in my womb and can't-believe-how-blessed-I-am
Maybe life lacks rhyme, and the rhythm is off,
but nothing to cringe over: life, my life, is enough. Is Beautiful.

Women Speak For Themselves

Helen Avare sent out a press release and well, dang. It's so good, I just had to share it!

Women Defy “We Are Women” Rally Claims; Say Let Women Speak For Themselves 

Washington DC, August 18—As some women gather at the Nation’s Capitol today for the “We Are Women” rally, members of the advocacy group, Women Speak For Themselves (WSFT; womenspeakforthemselves.com) are making their own voices heard. WSFT began with an open letter to the White House, Congress and Secretary Sebelius in February 2012, demanding respect both for religious freedom and for an understanding of woman’s freedom and equality that goes beyond “free contraception.” It now has over 31 thousand signatories from every state. 

“It defies reason that a few groups could speak for all women on issues of life, family, sex and religion,” said WSFT founder, Helen Alvaré. 

“The 31,000 plus women who have signed onto our open letter will no longer sit silently by while a few political figures and their allies insist that religious freedom has to bow to the theory, the ideology really, that the centerpiece of women’s freedom is sexual expression without commitment,” continued Alvaré. 

Catherine, a woman in her twenties living in New York City and a signatory, wrote to WSFT: “Out of respect for themselves and others, many women choose to live a life of sexual integrity…Many of my girlfriends and I have found this approach to our sexuality to be freeing, empowering, and constitutive of a deep sense of happiness.” 

“I’m a pro-choice woman who respects the rights of other women to hold different views,” wrote another WSFT member Carol, from Vermont. “More specifically I expect the government, in compliance with the Constitution, to protect every person from being coerced into acting in a manner contrary to his or her conscience. The HHS mandates are a fundamental violation of our rights to free speech and religion.”
Hundreds more women wrote to WSFT to express their strong opposition to the message of the Saturday rally. 

“Our women come from diverse political, ideological and religious backgrounds,” Alvaré explained. “But they are united in their opposition to a ‘one size fits all’ version of what women really want, particularly a version contradicted by decades of data and women’s experience in the new sex, dating and marriage markets formed by the idea that contraception, with abortion as the backup, is the sum and substance of women’s equality." 

Jennifer from Indiana, for example, a signatory to the WSFT letter says: ”Women and reproduction are not things that need to be fixed, medicated, sterilized. To equate women’s rights and health to these things is to do an incredible disservice to the rights and health issues that women do face today.” 

“An honest ‘We Are Women’ rally would acknowledge the diverse views held by women. It would acknowledge the science about the decline in women’s well-being associated with the world view this rally represents.” Alvaré says. “No one speaks for all women on these issues. Let women speak for themselves.”

They're on Facebook and Twitter, y'all. All I'm sayin'.

Does it look like I have a problem speaking for myself?

Share, share, share! Get the word out! Women speak for themselves!!

Happy 2011!

Another year has come and passed, and in less than three months, I'll be 23. Great Scott!

Okay: New Years Resolutions. I don't usually make 'em. I don't like making promises I don't keep a month later, usually because of sloth. But... I was very naughty in December 2010 and bought a "few" more than usual fantastic books. Now, I don't regret buying the books, but if I want to travel more, I am going to have to curb my purchases since aggressively paying off my student loans takes a big bite out of my paycheck every month. So, here goes:

Resolution #1: Buy no more than three books a month.  

This will be difficult. Brief poll: do academic books count?

Resolution #2:  Write more letters than blog posts.

My friend Tessa and I formed the St. Francis Society (SFS) for all epistolary communication a year or so ago. I am thinking about branching out the membership. (St. Francis is the patron saint of writers, and we think letter writers should be included.) Also, I've noticed since graduating that I tend to write a huge stack of letters every few months; I think I should write less letters on a more frequent basis, like I did in college. It'll help break up stress too!

Resolution #3: Not eat meat on Fridays.

I've always admired people who sacrifice that one day. We've never done it in our family, but I know other families and friends who do. It isn't quite fasting, but it's something physical and manageable I can offer up to God, since I eat meat every day (Lent notwithstanding).

Resolution #4: Regularly review Latin vocabulary.

Latin is coming up a lot more in readings that I am doing, and it annoys me that I know the grammar syntax and construction but am becoming pretty shaky on actually translating. I intend to remedy this! I'm afraid, though, it will be another type of purgatory, those horrible character building things necessary for life, because one cannot enjoy the joy of translating at sight without the hours of dull memorizing.

What do y'all think about resolutions? Do you make them and follow them? Or do you think they're made to be broken? What are they?

Hurray for another year of life! Happy 2011! Only a few more days left in the Christmas season, so enjoy them.

Oh, It's Love

I heard Train's "If It's Love" on the radio yesterday while driving home from work and have since decided that this is the most realistically pro-family, pro-marriage, pro-real love song currently in mainstream music. Don't believe me? Listen to it!

And here's a few favorite stanzas, just for kicks:

"I confess you are the best thing in my life/ But I'm afraid when I hear stories/ About a husband and wife/ There's no happy endings/ No Henry Lee/ But you are the greatest thing about me"

Chorus: "If it's love/ And we decide that it's forever/ No one else could do it better/ If it's love/ And we're two birds of a feather/ Then the rest is just whenever/ And if I'm addicted to loving you/ And you're addicted to my love too/ We can be them two birds of a feather/ That flock together/ Love, love/ Got to have something to keep us together/ Love, Love/ That's enough for me"

"We can travel to Spain where the rain falls/ Mainly on the plain side and sing/ sounds insane 'cause it is/ we can laugh, we can sing/ Have ten kids and give them everything"

Living with my family again makes me appreciate realistic and traditional relationships like my parents' (who celebrated their 25th anniversary this past summer) in these times when people attempt to re-define marriage without any regard to gender and the role it plays in society or consequences of actions. 

Life has not been rainbows and bunnies, but it has been the good life. My dad does his utmost best for my mom and us kids. My mom turned down med school on her own volition because she wanted to raise a lot of kids (she still works, still has the white lab coat- just an alternate role). My parents are very different people, but they have a solid working relationship, keep the faith, and put their kids first. I'm definitely lucky; there is a comfort in knowing my parents will never separate, even when issues arise, and that has taught me a lot.

My family in Michigan, Summer 2007

People who do not have many kids are really missing out. I mean that. Having a big family is hard, fun, challenging and provides more unconditional love than I know what to do with. My siblings and I joke about how we can always tell when people are only children. They might as well have a neon sign over their head, because their interrelating skills makes them a prime example of why people having more kids really would make this world a better place.*

My big family (nuclear and extended) makes me think about others and focus my energy on giving to them as they give to me. Relationships are a lot about compromise and so is love. Not compromising values, but priorities- I'd rather read a book than empty the dishwasher, for example, or sleep in than take a sibling to school early in the morning, but the latters help the family and the formers help me.

A lot of my friends have moved out of town and are having adventures elsewhere. They don't know if they'll come back. My college friends are dispersing too. But, like my mom, I made a choice too. I've moved back to my hometown. Life is a series of choices and consequences. I was offered a fellowship in DC for post-college employment, but when I got the phone call, I saw my future life flash before my eyes: I would work all the time. I would be paid to write about politics. Life would seriously be the bomb-diggity. I wouldn't know how to leave.

That's when it hit me. I didn't want that life. My former boss told a co-worker and I once that we shouldn't have kids until much later in life because our life would stop. All we'd do is take care of the kids. We wouldn't be able to travel or have any fun anymore, essentially. 

I completely disagree. People who don't think kids are fun are bores. Kids will put their little bodies in sleeping bags and propel themselves down steep steps. Kids can color for hours. Kids make intricate plots involving the same Barbies/ Play mobiles/ Legos and use different voices for different characters to boot. Kids are little sponges and actually want to learn and grow into little humans. At least, that's what my experience has been, and was my childhood.

Your mother probably warned you about us.

Today is an exciting day! First off, today is Founders Day for my sorority, which was founded 140 years ago today. Secondly, it is Margaret Thatcher's 85th birthday. Finally and most importantly, it is my sister's 21st birthday! Yes, she is still this cool:

Have a great day!

*Trent posted an article from the Weekly Standard entitled "America's One-Child Policy" that is worth a read.

C'est Finis

I have done the deed: I have quit my job. I turned in my two weeks notice this morning. My stomach was doing great gymnastic feats before I told my boss, expecting something horrible to happen. Nothing besides questions, really. Quitting my job feels decadent during a recession, but it is time to go. I was hired at my family business, and I am really excited about that. It's a new field, but it's one that plays to my strengths and one that I am interested in pursuing long-term.


It has been a good experience overall. A few of my stories got picked up by policy wonks and traditional media, and today I broke a story. I am especially sorry to leave my office mate; we have become very good friends these past five months, and I will miss seeing her everyday in the Batcave. I am also sorry to miss the next state legislative session, because I was really looking forward to reporting on that and getting to know the reps, senators and their aides.


This announcement may be a surprise to some of you, especially considering I love writing. I'm not going to stop; I honestly do not think I would know how to stop writing. I'm getting published more too, which is encouraging. I'll miss the rush of daily articles and the excitement of journalism, but I'm not going to miss this job.


Winnie the Pooh said, "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I thought of that quote last week when my landlord stopped by to show my apartment and he asked where I was moving.


"Home," I said. "I like this apartment and I like my actual job as a reporter, but there are other factors involved."


"Good for you," he said in his thick Irish accent. "Too many people say, stick it out, it will only get better. I say, bullshit. Get out and do something else. Too many people don't get out. Too many people don't live. I admire your willingness to leave."


I have to admit, I was a little surprised by him saying that. Maybe because that was the first time I had met him (his wife showed the apartment to me originally), but it probed me into thinking more about life and the choices that go with it. I liked his directness. We still live in a free country and if we're unhappy with our lives, it's up to ourselves to make it better, be it by improving relationships with others, changing careers, or looking at the sky instead of the ground.


The poem of the week is therefore "Bravado" by Robert Frost:


Have I not walked without an upward look
Of caution under stars that very well
Might not have missed me when they shot and fell?
It was a risk I had to take--and took.


And a second poem, for good measure:


"Invictus" by William Ernest Henley


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


Let the new adventure begin!

C is for Cookie

A hilarious excerpt from "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time" by Douglas Adams, author of"Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy":


"Cookies" Douglas Adams


This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong.


I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.


I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind.


Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.


It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.


Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.


You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?


In the end I thought, nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.


Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice . . ." I mean, it doesn't really work.


We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.


Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.


The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story, only he doesn't have the punch line.


My landlady e-mailed me today and my apartment has been re-rented. Te Deum! Less than a week after being posted- have I mentioned my apartment is tres chic? My soon-to-be-former apartment, that is; I start packing tonight. Dad is coming up Saturday and Sunday for the first two loads. I had to cancel plans with friends tonight because there is no way I can go out and get packed before tomorrow, but such is life. This also means what needs to happen next week has to happen, and will. I am counting the days...!


Also: my latest book review in TWT on Glenn C. Arbery's 'The Southern Critics'


Happy Friday!

The end may come, but it's never final

I really, truly love this poem, especially the third stanza.

"Funeral Blues" by W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin,
let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Leaving for Columbus soon for another interview with the Buckeye Institute with Emilia. Also, I can't believe school is over. For now, at least, if I do end up going to grad school. Still--my undergrad years: done. My undergrad work? Not done. Here's to one more paper (Lib-Con Debate, 15-20 pages, nothing too skimpy) and one more exam (Somerville's 20th Century Southern Lit)! Mecosta this weekend with Delta Pi Nu and Betsy's wedding shower. Oh, the times, they are a-changing...! Good thing I don't actually believe in endings.

"Temptation of Adam" by Josh Ritter. (H/T Vivian)

Ducklings and Big Apples

This weekend was my first weekend actually in Hillsdale and I loved it! Half the house was gone too, for some reason, but lots of good people were around. Amanda, Heather and I watched sisters play in a futsal tournament on Saturday, which was excellent. (Sarah played so well, Rach! Definitely feeling it, though.) I played in that same tournament my sophomore year; we also went to the championships, but lost. (They had a similar schedule to my team's in which they played the last slot and then had to play back-to-back without a rest against a team they already beat. No score comparison or anything, just a final death routine.) Still, it was good soccer.

Not a particularly social weekend, but I did have reading to finish (although reading is never final, more postponed) and a thesis to work on. I had a great Thursday, though: I hung out with a few close friends at the Sandlot Thursday night, including beer tasting with the boys and having a jolly time with the whole group.

I also babysat my adviser's kids Thursday night (most of whom can be seen above; the picture is from Halloween junior year). Of everyone I've met in this little town, I think I am going to miss them the most. Prof. S was my teacher before he was my adviser. I've know his family since the end of my freshman year, so I've watched the kids grow up and get personalities. I call them my little ducklings, the name coming from a game we played my sophomore year. I think we only played it once, but it certainly left an impression. I think it was one of the few non-contact games we've played while babysitting too, now that I come to think of it! :)

Gretchen asked me where I was going to be after graduation, and I said Chicago or Washington, D.C. most likely. Then they all shouted they wanted me in Chicago and Mrs. S said they were going to pray me there (I suppose instead of willing me there), because it's closer and they can come visit. I got really excited at the prospect of them visiting me after college and then remembered I still have a little over three (three?!) months left of college. I go to NYC this weekend for CN fellowship stuff, so I will pray God makes my future according to His will a little more clearer. At the very least, I shall get to see a few old CN friends and go to a city I've never been to before.

Song of the week, introduced to me by Heather, my rooms:


Another reason why Rich Mullins is awesome: "A lot of the stuff which I thought was so different between Protestants and Catholics [was] not, but at the end of going through an RCIA [Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults] course, I also realized that there are some real and significant differences. I'm not sure which side of the issues I come down on. My openness to Catholicism was very scary to me because, when you grow up in a church where they don't even put up a cross, many things were foreign to me. I went to an older Protestant gentleman that I've respected for years and years, and I asked him, "When does faithfulness to Jesus call us to lay aside our biases and when does it call us to stand beside them?" His answer to me was that it is not about being Catholic or Protestant. It is about being faithful to Jesus. The issue is not about which church you go to, it is about following Jesus where He leads you."

Going to NYC will tally into my third weekend not being in Hillsdale in the past 5 weeks. I'll be excited to spend more time in this little snowbank post-New York. At the very least, my thesis demands as such. HF articles are due tomorrow.