They Call Today "Good"

Every Triduum, starting with Maundy Thursday through Easter Sunday, I re-read T.S. Eliot’s “The Four Quartets”. It is four of his best poems, and for anyone who only knows his poetry ala in “The Hollow Man” or “The Wasteland” (critiques of modernity, not praise), his words may be surprising.

For instance, it is in “East Coker”, the second of the quartet, in which Eliot wrote,

The dripping blood our only drink,

The bloody flesh our only food:

In spite of which we like to think

That we are sound, substantial flesh and blood—

Again, in spite of that, we call this Friday good.

How can this Friday be good? Today Jesus was denied, whipped, humiliated, crucified. And why? In today’s gospel, John remind us that all this happens to fulfill the Scriptures. Jesus accepted the cup his father passed him – he accepted, fully, what must happen. Did he have the power to prove himself, as Satan tempted him to in the desert? Of course. But the hardness of the high priests should not be softened by might, but by truth.

What is truth? asked Pilate; a question so modern still that audiences cannot help but relate. Good Friday is the day when Jesus seems the most human. He is condemned and he dies. We are reminded in the second reading that “we do not have a high priest/ who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,/ but one who has similarly been tested in every way,/ yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

Indeed, as the reading continues (Heb 5:7-9):

In the days when Christ was in the flesh,

he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears

to the one who was able to save him from death,

and he was heard because of his reverence.

Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;

and when he was made perfect,

he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.

The goodness of this day lies in Jesus’ very passion for us all; a love to conquer death, a truth that “I AM” is a witness as well as a declaration. Today, the veil has been torn and we enter Golgotha, the place of skulls. The King of the Jews is dead, and so Eliot finishes his poem: “In the end is my beginning.”

Today was hard. Today was terrible. Today was good. We wait. The tomb is close by…

{Published at Ignitum Today}

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Because You Can't Plan Perfect

I am in super planner mode. I love this mode. It means I get to write lists and then cross the things off the lists, and make more lists, and then re-write the lists in fancy ways. It's fun, because that's the kind of fun I like to do.

I get in this mode when I am:

A) avoiding work
B) stressed about work
C) reality is staring at me in the face and not blinking
D) coping
E) overly excited about something that clearly needs to be planned

(Cough moving again cough)

And so, it should be said that when I was pregnant with my dearest and loveliest Grace Harriet, I did not plan for her arrival. I continued to work 40 hours a week; I pushed through my morning sickness the best I could [I had the best and most understanding employers ever-ever too]; and, honestly, I had the best time being married, while also going through three tough major life events with him.

I was strong for him and with him, and that felt good. It felt very married.

I love this picture - my perfect new baby!

We moved to New Orleans and I spent a majority of my time getting settled and unpacking, writing for my Story Sessions writing workshop, napping, binging on mystery shows of Netflix (specifically, Rosemary & Thyme, Poirot, and Monk if you need awesome show ideas), learning my way around New Orleans, getting my appetite back, swimming with Will, and more sleeping.

I channelled Will and decorated her nursery with our love. I tried to get really excited about meeting her. I daydreamed about what having a baby would be like.

Fast-forward to Grace Harriet's birth: awesome. Steady pace, epidural, no complications, and life-giving. I did not take any birthing classes beforehand (besides a free basics one at the hospital), and while it was mildly informative, I enjoyed seeing other pregnant woman and eating the complimentary cheese.

And I'm tearing up as I type this because I love Grace so much. She is my baby, and she is perfect. She is social and lovely and sassy. She smiles for almost all of my pictures, and we like to laugh together. I've never been so smitten. Grace has legitimately changed my life for the better.

Since Grace was three months, we've noticed that her right arm does not move as intentionally as her left, and she likes to keep her right hand fisted. In a possibly related note, her right leg is a bit weaker than her left. We've brought it up to her doctors, and by six months, we got the go ahead for physical therapy. Thus began a month-ish of interviews and multiple evaluations. Yes, a healthy pregnancy. No, nothing abnormal. Yes, she does have the most beautiful blue eyes.

My beach bum bebe

Finally, we met Grace's therapist - a vivacious woman who has been doing this for over 20 years, and has a young daughter with cerebral palsy. Ms. Lisa is an amazing resource of information. She is gentle and firm with Grace as she stretches her and helps her gain more muscle mass (needed for her fine motor skills as well as her gross), and teaches us how to ESTIM her, since we'll need to buy our own and do it twice (or more) a day to help Grace recognize and use those muscles more (she is responding so well to this treatment!). She'll get a tiny hand splint to help keep her right hand open more.

There are a lot of positives - whatever Grace has, with persistence and lots of therapy, she should do just fine. She has great range of motion, moves her arm and hand voluntarily, and is very flexible. She is able to withstand long PT sessions, and is generally in a good mood as we contort her body and during ESTIM sessions. We're seeing a specialist on Thursday - a physiologist who is triple board certified in pediatrics and sports medicine; the doctor himself also has cerebral palsy and a reputation for diagnosing hard cases.

Ms. Lisa working with GHB

But when Ms. Lisa and Will are talking during a session, and words like cerebral palsy and hemiparesis are being said towards Grace, I want to cry. They are not life-threatening conditions, and for that I am sososososo grateful. I suppose I am just in shock, of sorts - and it is the confirmation that my gut told me everytime someone said, Maybe she's just going to be a lefty.

No! It's something more. Something we did not plan on; or expect, for that matter.

At mass yesterday, I stopped feeling anxiety for Grace. It was temporary, and a good reminder to go to God. God, who loves perfectly. God, who gave his only Son. God, the Alpha and the Omega and the one who loves us and carries us and knows us each intimately. God has the best plans for Grace. I need to trust in him, and talk to him, and avoid the company of scary thoughts. It is Satan who plants doubts. Satan spreads sadness. Satan hates the hope Love gives me.

Mama Mary, full of Grace, guide me to be the best mother to GHB.
{statue at St. Patrick's on Camp Street, NOLA}

Grace is going to be okay. Struggle is okay. The most important things are to continue loving her wholly, doing PT with her, teaching her cheerfulness instead of shame, and continuing to praise and go to the God who made us, who knew each of us before the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). It's amazing to me how babies thrive in the love of their parents. I need to learn to thrive better in the light of God's love of me.

May I continue to be open to his plans, and plan along with God, the Great Creator.

Grace Harriet's Baptism

Grace Harriet was baptized on November 30 at 11 a.m. in Our Lord Christ the King Catholic Church, the same church Will and I were married in, and by the same priest, Fr. Ed Smith. (It was so lovely having her baptized at home, surrounded by our large family!)

Almost everyone was there to celebrate! (Grace's godmother, my dear friend Heather, is currently studying art history in Scotland. My sister Marianne was her proxy.)

My brother John is her godfather.

"Grace Harriet Baldwin, the Christian community welcomes you with great joy. In its name I claim you for Christ our Savior by the sign of his cross. I now trace the cross on your forehead, and invite your parents and godparents to do the same."
(The Rite of Baptism)

"God calls each one by name. Everyone's name is sacred. The name is the icon of the person." (Catechism of the Catholic Church #2158)

"Receive the light of Christ! Parents and godparents, this light is entrusted to you to be kept burning brightly. This child of yours has been enlightened by Christ. She is to walk always as a child of the light. May she keep the flame of faith alive in her heart. When the Lord comes, may she go out to meet him with all the saints in the heavenly kingdom."
(The Rite of Baptism)

"See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is."
(1 John 3:1-2)

"When words are inadequate, people speak in gestures and signs: a hug, a touch, a gift.The language of ritual enables people to share events words cannot express. 

God's action is no more limited to sacramental actions than the whole of married love is lived out in the marriage bed. But the sacraments, like lovemaking, are moments of intensified encounter. 

In any such exchange, the more expressive the gestures and symbols, the more eloquent the communication. The More meaning you intend a gift to convey, the more carefully you choose or make it. 

Baptism speaks with water and light, oil and white garment, song, and sometimes even welcoming applause. The ride can speak as expressively as a tender embrace or as perfunctiorialy as a routine good-bye peck. Routine and tender moments both nourish love, but not the same way. One speaks of minimums, the other of possibilities. The options offered in the Rite of Baptism let you express the meanings you have discovered in the sacraments in a very personal way."  -- Carol Luebering, Handing on the Faith

Welcome, Grace Harriet!

Gosnell and the Reality of Born-Alive Infants

A documentary on the man and the facts of his crimes. If anything, listen to the witness of the women. The testimonies of the African American community are also very moving:



More stories:
The Catholic World Report: When “the Silent Scream” isn’t silent anymore
USA Today: Philadelphia abortion clinic horror: Column
First Things: A Missed Opportunity That Will Still Be There Tomorrow

Pray for Dr. Gosnell, pray for those who worked for him (especially strength and courage for the ones testifying and are also being convicted), pray for those affected, pray for the innocence and innocents taken.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23).

It's All About The Human Person

Jen Fulwiler writes:

I’ve come to see the radically freeing truth that our plans only matter to the extent that they’re ordered toward deeper intimacy with individual people. What makes this truth so freeing about it is that, if your ultimate goal is to make the world a little brighter of a place by touching one person at a time, you can do that under any circumstances. You can live a life ordered toward human intimacy as a jet-setting movie star or as an invalid confined to a hospital bed; whether you find yourself surrounded by Hollywood directors or the nurses on night shift, you will always find yourself surrounded by people in need of love.

Read the whole post here: "A few thoughts on my birthday" (She turned 36 on Saturday!)

Belatedly I Loved Thee

From St. Augustine's Confessions:

“Belatedly I loved thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new, belatedly I loved thee. For see, thou wast within and I was without, and I sought thee out there. Unlovely, I rushed heedlessly among the lovely things thou hast made. Thou wast with me, but I was not with thee. These things kept me far from thee; even though they were not at all unless they were in thee. Thou didst call and cry aloud, and didst force open my deafness. Thou didst gleam and shine, and didst chase away my blindness. Thou didst breathe fragrant odors and I drew in my breath; and now I pant for thee. I tasted, and now I hunger and thirst. Thou didst touch me, and I burned for thy peace.”

May you seek Truth today! And not just good deals. Happy Black Friday, y'all! Hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving.

It's Not Between You and Them

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

--Mother Teresa

It's not easy being green... or under deadlines.

Happy Friday!

Psalm 56: Trust in God

For the director. According to Yonath elem rehoqim.* A miktam of David, when the Philistines seized him at Gath.


I.
Have mercy on me, God,
for I am treated harshly;
attackers press me all the day.
My foes treat me harshly all the day;
yes, many are my attackers.
O Most High,
when I am afraid,
in you I place my trust.
I praise the word of God;
I trust in God, I do not fear.
What can mere flesh do to me?

II
All the day they foil my plans;
their every thought is of evil against me.
They hide together in ambush;
they watch my every step;
they lie in wait for my life.
They are evil; watch them, God!
Cast the nations down in your anger!
My wanderings you have noted;
are my tears not stored in your flask,
recorded in your book?
My foes turn back when I call on you.
This I know: God is on my side.
I praise the word of God,
I praise the word of the Lord.
In God I trust, I do not fear.
What can man do to me?

III
I have made vows to you, God;
with offerings I will fulfill them,
For you have snatched me from death,
kept my feet from stumbling,
That I may walk before God
in the light of the living.

* [Psalm 56] Beset physically (Ps 56:2–3) and psychologically (Ps 56:6–7), the psalmist maintains a firm confidence in God (Ps 56:5, 9–10). Nothing will prevent the psalmist from keeping the vow to give thanks for God’s gift of life (Ps 56:13). A refrain (Ps 56:5, 11–12) divides the Psalm in two equal parts.

Covering the Pope: a guide for journalists

The Catholic Herald in the UK published a fantasticly scathing piece by Milo Yiannopoulos on Tuesday, who "sheds some light on the arcane world of Catholicism, for the benefit of befuddled mainstream reporters."

It begins:

Imagine you’re a newly minted BBC News intern. You bound into the office on your first day, your 2:1 in Media Studies and Digital Production from the University of Salford burning a hole in your pocket. 

You’ve made it! You’ve reached the dizzying heights of the state broadcaster’s newsroom. You’re ready to take over the world. 

But disaster strikes: your editor hands you the first assignment, and it’s a report on the Catholic Church. Pope Benewhatsit has gone to some place to give some speech about God and stuff. 

You’re eager to impress, but totally out of your depth. What are you to do? Who do you turn to? 

Well, here at the The Catholic Herald, we understand how peculiar and arcane the world of Catholicism must appear to reporters new to the beat. That’s why we’ve trawled the archives of the major broadcasters and newspapers to bring you the lessons learned by your senior colleagues. 

We hope that by sharing these best practice guidelines, we can help reporters to uphold the tradition of fair and balanced reporting on Catholic issues for which the British press is rightly famed. Here, then, are our top tips for success.

This. Is. Brillant. Read the whole thing here!

Veritas

"To this I must add that he was already to some extent a youth of our times - in other words, naturally honest, insisting on truth, seeking it and believing in it, and, once believing, demanding instant commitment to it with all the strength of his soul and wanting to rush off and perform great deeds, sacrificing all, if necessary life itself. Although unfortunately these youths do not understand that the sacrifice of life is in most cases perhaps the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to dedicate, for example, five or six years of their exuberant youth to hard, painstaking study and the acquisition of knowledge for the sole purpose of enhancing tenfold their inherent capacity to serve just that cherished truth, that great work which they are committed to accomplish - such a sacrifice as this remains almost completely beyond the capabilities of many of them."
-Fyodor Dostoevsky, "The Brothers Karamazov"