My View (vol. 29)

What I am reading: history books - I have three power points to finish this week. I am not freaking out, no, why do you ask? (WHY DO YOU ASK?!?)

Also, Doctor Grumpy's blog. He makes me laugh!

Love what I am eating: Apple Cinnamon Cheerios and Macintosh Apples (not at the same time) and THIS:

OH YES.

Meal planning: Crockpot week! I bought a family pack of chicken breasts - I'm currently planning on fixing creamy chicken and broccoli over rice (again, because it delicious, warm, comforting and easy-peasy) and am on the hunt for another chicken crockpot recipe. My friend Jess posted 33 three ingredient crock pot meals, which all look good.

We do have BBQ sauce, so I might fix baked barbecue chicken. Oh! If I remember, I'll e-mail my mother for the recipe for Chicken Crack, a ye olde family favorite. I don't know it's "real" name - our family loves it so much that we call is Chicken Crack, because it's addictively delicious. (Stay tuned! At the very least, I'll have her fix it when she comes in March.)

Any [delicious/ healthy/ easy] chicken recipes you love to share?

This week in history: It was an awesome week from the vantage point that Will was just home more. I am trying to jump ahead in work for when Bebe Deux comes, while simultaneously keeping up with grading and teaching. Will loves being back in the ER, and is studying for a big test at the end of this month. The great news is that he was granted a few vacation days after bebe is due!!

Meanwhile, I am big things poppin'...!

Grace is doing well in therapy - I am constantly reminding myself, "Slow progress is still progress." Some days are awesome days. Some days are fighting days. And then, some days are surprise-filled.

Yesterday, Grace and I went grocery shopping; I bought her a Valentine's Day balloon and she loves it.

This morning, Will was holding Grace next to it while they waited for me to put my boots on before leaving for mass. Grace started hitting the balloon with her right hand on her own - THIS IS HUGE. She does more with it when prompted by us, or forced to - we have not seen a lot of willingness to use it on her own. Okay, tearing up. Our daughter is a rock star!

She discovered PhotoBooth this week:

We're celebrating Mardi Gras from afar:

We had good friends come visit!

Prayers: This week, I encountered a young Catholic really struggling with the Church. The interaction was extremely hostile. I'm still feeling very troubled by the lack of mercy and compassion shown to our fellow Catholics and human beings, as well as boxed-in version of thinking.

Please pray for those whom are being spiritually attacked - let Christ's light shine into the darkness of our doubts and the drudgery of our life on earth, as Job said today in the first reading. This earth groans beneath the weight of our fallenness, and I pray for renewed strength to carry our crosses.

Also, tomorrow is my cousin B's birthday. She passed away 6 months ago - please pray for her, and our family. I miss her so much.

Next week, I am going to: NOT GO INTO LABOR. I've given Bebe Deux multiple reasons not to come before February 16.

If you're a lady and on twitter, you should join in the Blessed Is She's #BISchat tomorrow evening at 9 pm EST. Here's the transcript (most of it!) from last time/ January's session. Such a wonderful community of women!

Have a great week!

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Falling and Flying

Today might have just been one of those days when you whoosh your To-Do list off the table. It started out normally... Grace wakes up; I trudge in and nurse her on the raspberry couch until she is done, and watch her play until Will comes in before his shower. I whoosh her downstairs to fix coffee and a breakfast sandwich for Will before he goes to the hospital library to study for a few hours before journal club and then his shift. I feed her breakfast, try to eat breakfast too, make a few phone calls and then... derailed.

We ended up taking a trip to the pediatrician for a minor (but worrisome to me) ailment, which took way longer than expected, and resulted in both Grace and I taking a 2+ hour nap once we got home.

<< Insert random activities: fixing dinner, play time, cleaning up/ moving piles somewhere else. >>

Grace's day ended with a walk to the ER to drop off her Dad's dinner (and bring a smile to two ladies' faces!), an extended bath time, dancing to Disney Pandora, reading extra books, night prayers and kisses.

It felt good. It felt like such a full day, even though I only accomplished one thing on my To-Do list. Just one.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned when I was single, and then re-learned when I got married, is the art of being content.

Being is a passive word, but it is not a passive state. One must work on "being" - being yourself, being content.

I've become more content with the reality that I am a slow cook writer (vs. a microwave). I was thinking back to college, when I wrote so many papers a semester, all the newspaper articles, and at least 3 letters a week (plus e-mails!). And as the years pass from writing with a point to writing with a purpose, I am more satisfied with longer stretches between publishing publicly. Less pressure to perform, and thus, more time to experience.

I still have goals! Oh yes. And I still overextend myself and say "Yes!" when I should say "No!", but the magic still carries me with hope and possibility.

I start by asking what is non-negotiable to me and what is negotiable. Non-negotiables, for example, the ability to take care of Grace and Will. The willingness to practice my faith. Keeping in touch with family and friends, and writing as a ministry and as a passion.

Negotiables include where I work, what we spend our money on, how I spend my time.

I am a firm believer that boredness is an unwillingness to engage the world. How can one be bored when there is something to learn or read or try? I believe even stronger than comparison of our one life to many people's photographs or success can do worse than ruin an appetite. It can ruin a life.

People ask if Grace is always smiling. The answer is no.

But I record her joy most of the time because it brings me joy. She is my niche. She is an integral part of my vocation, and I want to continue to teach her joy, and to strive, and to be content with who she is.

Insecurity preys on the discontent. But you're the only You in the whole world. You're on a mission from God. Your worth is not how many assets you have, or where you've traveled, or the clothes you wear. Your character is determined by truthfulness, kindness, goodness, and prudence more than how many people "like" your posts or read your blog or call you on the phone.

We all fall into the trap of wondering, What if...? When we should be thinking, What's next? How am I going to be the best version of myself? Am I working towards Heaven or am I scrolling the internet at 2 a.m. mindlessly? Am I using my gifts? Am I developing my talents? Am I helping others? What can I do better for the glory of God?

And when I re-align my life to a purpose, I find that contentment: to be the best wife to Will; the most loving mother to Grace; a good and kind daughter, sister and friend; a lover of life and appreciator of struggles and triumphs.

Life is not easier as a married person - there are different trials. Your marital status does not change your mindset. If you want the joy of kids but dread the late nights, crying, crumbs and heart ache, you miss the opportunities to experience life. Life is purpose: life is worth loving. Did I like spending Will's day off cleaning the house? No. Heck no! But we did it together because an orderly, tidy house is worth seeking. 

Let us clean house internally - the cobwebs of old hurts, the wishing for a different life, the wondering if you missed your one chance (which you did not, because life is not so linear). We must see ourselves through and love ourselves. 

We must fly to God with our struggles, and fly through life without the boggles of over-worrying and over-emphasis on the things we cannot change. We must try to find happiness during hard days. We must laugh more, forgive more, and think less about what we want. We must pray more for others - we must decrease so that Christ will increase. We must read more Scripture and more literature. Cultivate love and friendship. Think less and less about what others think, and get to know yourself.

Be happy with who you are, wonderful you. Life is too meaningful to want to be anyone else. Write your own adventure.

Source

Darlings, we must fly!

Lent: Spiritual and the Physical Needs

TBM Topic #39: Lent

At Ash Wednesday service, Father spoke about Lent being a time of positive change, not just avoiding sweets. I really took this to heart, as no sweets + {spiritual discipline} is my go-to Lenten offering.

This year, I am going in a different path: discipline.

Oh, how I need more discipline! I am distracted and focused and productive, but not disciplined. I am working on discipline because it is accountability. It is understanding that I am responsible for me. It is me taking care of me (with the help of others, mainly Will and God); it is acknowledging my weakness and offering it all up to Christ, who is the only one who gives me the grace and strength I need each day.

My Lenten Disciplines

• Confession every two weeks (minimum)
• Rosary every night with Will
• Forgiving a person who hurt me in the past
• Bed by 11 p.m.
• Exercise 3x/ week (minimum)

First, the spiritual disciplines:

Confession and rosary are two spiritual disciplines we (as a couple and as a family) have been trying to do more often, and Lent is providing a wonderful opportunity for us to be more serious about it. We usually combine a nice long walk with saying the rosary, which helps with the weekly exercise goal too.

In addition to the rosary, I like using Scripture for a deeper and more meditative prayer. For Christmas, my father gave all of his kids a small book entitled The Scriptural Rosary: A Modern Version of the Way the Rosary was Once Prayed Throughout Western Europe in the Late Middle Ages and it gorgeous. {My dad bought it at the local Catholic book store - the link works too.}

Forgiveness of said person is the one only I can solve with Christ. I have verbalized it to that person (not always the answer for difficult situations, but it was appropriate for this one), and from there, I learn to let go and forgive so that this life is not filled with the regret that anger and grudges often weighs heavily against the grudger more than the accused.

By victimizing one's circumstances, even if justified, it can cripple one's ability to truly experience life. There will still be hurts and disappointments, but there will also be more causes for joy and love. It is about switching one's mindset from victim to survivor. It is about meaning the words when I pray "and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

I can say that, while all is not solved, Christ has already given me so much peace in my heart that was certainly not there before; he has given me a second chance at a better relationship with said person and him too, whose love I was not fully accepting because my anger kept me at bay. Since letting go, I am freer. I am happier. I am more at peace. I wish this for all struggling to forgive, or feel forgiven.


'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far/ And grace will lead me home.

Now, physical discipline:

I really struggle in these areas. Tell me not to eat that cookie, fine. Mastered.

But bed by 11 p.m.?

Yeah, that has hardly happened yet. I get so excited at Grace being asleep that I do ALL THE THINGS!!! Nonetheless, Will's been giving me the "sleep when your baby sleeps" speech, because I am a mess in the morning. We are moving into sleep training, but once 5 a.m. hits, all bets are off. Grace is so happy to be alive and is ready to groove. I am staring at her through bleary eyes because I stayed up too late.

Tonight is another night, right?

Grace in the morning. So happy and ready to go!

Which moves me into exercise... one reason I stay up is because I have all my energy at night, and the horrible staying up cycle continues. I love being active; I hate feeling like I am out of shape or too tired to even go on a walk. I try to keep up with postpartum exercise videos, but it's so beautiful outside, and I want to get more cardio. I am currently using the Couch to 5k app, and that is a wonderful motivator for me. I've been given a glorious body, and I would hate to waste it and all its potential because I do not make its upkeep a priority.

The quote for last night's walk/run was "The longest journey begins with a small step taken by a brave person."

That is what Lent is: a small step towards our longer life journey. Lent is not about getting beach-bod ready or other external fixes; it's about internal. It's a way of the cross. It's taking up our own cross. It's saying, These are my human weaknesses, Jesus (as you already know): I acknowledge them, and I offer them up to you during these 40 days.

**

Join the Bright Maidens on Facebook and follow us on Twitter! Let us know what you are doing this Lent!

**

Bonus discipline: being careful with our food budget, and giving the saved funds to the Catholic Relief Services Rice Bowl Fund! Look for the small things you can do in your life, not the big motions. Giving $20 is better than giving nothing because you cannot give hundreds of dollars.

That's Amore

TMB #38: Daily Devotions

Join us!

Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?

Insert uneasy laughter. Maybe you didn't expect the question; maybe you don't like it. It's not a judgmental question - it's an honest one. It can be intimidating having that daily talk with God - which, of course, is what prayer is.

I've had to learn to trigger myself into praying, little reminders. The bells ring in the morning - a call to prayer. Prayers of thanksgiving before meals, and in the aversion of disaster(s). Prayers come easier when life is nipping at your heels; or maybe when all seems well, then you feel the bursting of a grateful heart as you acknowledge to whom you owe thanks. Daily mass, weekly confession, enjoying a beautiful moment (glory to God and his creation!), recognizing the gracious Lord who created us in his own image and wants you to know Him, because to know him is to love him.

To pray ceaselessly (1 Thessalonians 5:17) is to not wait for the right time to pray - it is to seize the moment, the opportunity to know God better, deeper, and more fully.

Sometimes those moments are small: here I am God; I showed up, God. Other moments are growing: God, how great are you; your work is mysterious, and thank you for including me (even though it can hurt).

Then there are the awe-invoking moments: thank you, thank you, thank you - the pain, the wait, the trust - it was all worth it. There are the sobering moments too: this doesn't make sense; this isn't getting better; are you there?; I love you.

I pray best with Scripture - it centers me. It speaks to me, new and deeper in my heart, every time. I love Scripture in the morning, the daily mass readings, and sharing the psalms with Grace before bed. Scripture is how we learn about God - his history with his people, his coming and going, his words, his glory, and his seriousness about us and our salvation.

For special days, I love novenas: nine days of the same prayer, same petition. I have a special devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, but there are a lot of great novenas. I try to pray the rosary on walks with Grace {hey Mama Mary!}, and I'm starting to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet when a rosary seems too daunting.

Every evening, my husband and I pray an Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be and O My Jesus before bed. We started when we were engaged, shyly saying the words together over the phone, and moving into more confident, soul-sharing. The ability to pray with him opens our marriage to further graces. I try to pray with and for family members and friends, in the joyful spirit of our communion of saints.

There is always extemporaneous prayer - speaking aloud, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide your words, and there are fixed prayers, for further meditation. Here are a few of my favorites:

• The Anima Christi and Prayer of Generosity by Ignatius of Loyola
• Memorare
• The Litany of Humility
• St. Michael the Archangel
• Prayers of St. Francis
• Prayers of Guidance and for students by St. Thomas "Awesome" Aquinas

And, especially, the prayer of St. Teresa of Avila:

Let nothing disturb you,Let nothing frighten you,All things are passing away:God never changes.Patience obtains all thingsWhoever has God lacks nothing;God alone suffices.

Praying does not need to be daunting, but, like anything worth doing, it takes practice, perseverance, and a want to know and please God. It is a conversation worth having.

Healing

I'm in need of healing. I'm reaching an impasse with someone close to me. It's times like these where trust in God isn't felt, but needed.

I suppose this is where the heart finds its strength in God alone.

The Mother's Dilemma

Because I've been slacking this whole week on my Bright Maiden post, I've decided to double it as my 7 Quick Takes for the week! YEAH!

ONE

TBM Topic 33: Stay-At-Home vs. Working Mothers

"The Mother's Dilemma" by Julie Robison
"On Motherhood" by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

TWO

The first thing I think about my childhood is chocolate chip ice cream cones, us kids running through the sprinkler, and my mom wearing a headband and swimsuit while she sat in the sun, watching us and reading. What was she reading, you ask?

Oh, you know. The norm. Her cancer research.

Ironic, I know.

My mom is an oncology clinical nurse specialist - that is, an educator, a researcher, article writer, book editor, and well-beloved member of the hospital she's worked at for most of my life.

My mom has also been a Brownie leader, Cub Scout mom, volleyball and soccer coach, a good-enough cook, eater and maker of anything involving chocolate, a good listener, too fair of a judge, encouraging card writer, presents just because buyer, and mom to six kids.

These six kids:

We're the kids your mom probably warned you about

THREE

My mom is super woman. My Dad has had to ask that she not head up so many committees because she keeps getting elected to lead organizations. She was "Woman of the Year" at our high school alma mater, Employee of the Year (twice!) at her hospital, and this year she was nominated for "Healthcare Hero" from her hospital, in a city-wide event.

My mom comes from a family where most women are stay-at-home moms, and she definitely forged her own path. She gave up going to medical school so that she could have more scheule flexibility, since she and Dad wanted lots of kids so she could make us dress in matching outfits for pictures. (See below.)

Christmas card!

FOUR

This choice to work has had its perks and downfalls, but I certainly cannot imagine our family life without my mother working as she does. She's a role model in how to deal with tricky situations, time management, multi-tasking, and keeping cheerful when the going gets tough. With so many kids, Mom has really been able to help out the family financially. It also provides an outlet for her to receive outside appreciation in an area where she truly excels.

Mom in her makeshift office during hospital renovations

All woman need this kind of outlet: my maternal grandmother is hostess, flower-arranger, tennis player, and thoughtfulness unlimited extraordinaire. One aunt is a speech pathologist and professor; she is also amazing at sewing and handmade most costumes for her two girls, which were consequently passed down to us six (and held up well!).

Another aunt paints and takes wonderful pictures, which is a skill she's able to contribute to a cancer non-profit she volunteers with. A couple aunts stay at home with their kids and are active at their schools. A couple more work full-time.

All the women in my life have been amazing inspirations for me, and are wonderful at what they do, and this is where I have a beef with this "debate" about women in the work force.

FIVE

There are as many types of mothers as there are children. My mother, for instance, could not work the way she does if she had a special-needs child. My mother could not have worked as she did when we were younger if my parents could not have afforded extra help. My mother might have had to work more if my father was unemployed, deceased, or not around. My mother may also prefer to work so as to better handle her children's shenanigans (pure conjecture).

We don't have special needs, we're just "special"...

My mother is not a stay-at-home mom. She decorates the house for every major and minor holiday, is constantly organizing, and pushes through enough loads of laundry a week to keep her active children clothed. She's never been much of a cook, but she learned and keeps us kids healthy. As much as she loves us, she loves work too. Moreover, she never neglected us and always makes us feel loved. Just because one woman stays home with her kids, it does not diminish another mother's out-of-home pursuits.

Moreover, working women is not a "new phenomena." Women have been putting in their fair share since cave men needed to cook the water buffalo they brought down. So is the question more about equality?

When people say women are being "kept down" because they don't get paid as much as men, I wonder where those numbers are coming from: is this an apples and oranges comparison? Are different jobs being compared or are men and women working the same job and not being paid the same? (Or is it both?)

Nevertheless, if women's power is only showed through a paycheck or a work title, then women are being under-sold and under appreciated.

It must be difficult for a woman to feel she is a competent partner to her husband if she herself does not see her work at home as worthwhile. The marriage partnership between men and women cannot be had without mutual understanding, a willingness to pitch in and listen, respect of self and others, and love. It has nothing to do with how many times a person made dinner verses how many times the other person mowed the lawn.

In my life time, I have seen mostly scorn towards the idea of a woman staying home with her children. But isn't that like teaching? And isn't teaching a worthwhile venture? The formation of little minds and souls? To overemphasize a woman's need to be fruitful outside the home diminishes all efforts done within it. Women are so much more than their job title, and motherhood is more than bearing and raising children.

SIX 

As I prepare for marriage, I'm in the midst of planning: planning a wedding, planning a move out of my parents' house, planning another move out of the state for B.'s residency (starting 6 or so months after the wedding), planning family finances, and planning for grad school.

I'm also planning and praying about working. I'm not convinced the stay at home without working life is for me, nor would I like to have a time-consuming job outside the home with little ones underfoot.

Most of us in super-hot Tennessee

Women have an awesome opportunity to kick "typical" to the curb and try their hand at new adventures. While men have the duty and responsibility to provide for their family, women have the opportunity to create a home. This home will be run according for the parents, their needs and desires, rooted ultimately in the best they can offer their children.

If the woman works outside the home, the family will function as such.
If the woman works in the home, the family will function as such.
If the woman's work is the home, the family will function as such.

There is no right answer when it comes to one's vocation, as long as it is properly aligned with God and your loved ones.

SEVEN

I'm excited to be a mom. One way I'm inadvertently preparing for this is my part-time babysitting job for a neighboring family. The mom works from home, and I am so glad I get to help their little unit function well. I get to dress her kids, play with her kids, feed her kids, and cart them around. I know she loves to do that too, but I know it's also nice to have a break, get some work done, go to an exercise class, get lunch with her mom, and spend time with friends.

In this life balance we seek, kids are only a burden to the unimaginative. Motherhood is a special role only women can fill and it is in our feminine genius to discern how best to serve one's family in that way. If physical motherhood is not attainable for women (for those called to a religious or chaste single life), then spiritual motherhood is, by being a kind woman children can look up to, other adults can respect, and that awesome aunt kids love to have.

Nothing in this life is less clear-clear cut or for the faint of heart, but being a Mom is certainly the most important job that no one can properly label.

Aunts, Grandmother, Mother: real-life feminine geniuses

What are your thoughts on motherhood and working?

(Thanks to Jen for hosting!)

Rest In Peace! And Keep In Touch

TBM Topic 32: Pray for the Living and the Dead

"Rest In Peace! And Keep In Touch" by Julie Robison
Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!


During Lent, we will be discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy.

Why pray for the living and the dead?

This Lent, we Bright Maidens have been discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy. This topic is a good one for Lent because

1. The spiritual works of mercy are reminders of our unofficial duties as Christians (verses the precepts of the Church); they're ways people can attempt to better their spiritual lives through daily graces verses physically abstaining from foods or forms of entertainment, too.
2. The marriage between the spiritual and earthly world can be tangibly shown.
3. The marriage between grace and works can be manifest in writing, as well as in thoughts and actions.

The last point is an important point: some Christians say praying for the dead is useless and unbiblical. If that's the case, then so is praying for the living. If our fate is so fixed, why ask God for help? Why seek a relationship with Jesus if believing in him is enough?

Praying is how we communicate with God, be it in praise, penitence, thanksgiving or petition. It can be freeing and intimate. It can also be humbling and intimidating. Life is overwhelming, and even starting prayer may be difficult. Luckily, even sitting quietly in the presence of God is praying. Taking time to listen to God is just as important as talking with him. In this way, we can pray without ceasing! (1 Thessalonians 5:17) This is how all relationships work at a human level.

When Blessed John Paul II was asked how the pope prays, he responded, "You would have to ask the Holy Spirit! The Pope prays as the Holy Spirit permits him to pray. I think he has to pray in a way in which, deepening the mystery revealed in Christ, he can better fulfill his ministry. The Holy Spirit certainly guides him in this. But man must not put up obstacles" (Crossing the Threshold of Hope).

At a convent's cemetery in Salzburg

Praying for others is just as important as your personal relationship with God. As we humans are all interconnected, it is an act of fraternal charity. Moreover, not praying for a person because "they are dead" insinuates that there is not a communion between Heaven and Earth. People departed from this life are not gone; they are at a higher level of communion with God.

This is why Catholics pray to saints; not "to" them, as one would pray to God, but to them like we ask our family and friends to pray for and with us. I pray to St. Anthony (patron of lost things) fairly often. I could pray directly to God, but I like including my saintly friends in my daily tasks. If a person work in a big corporation, would they go to their boss for every little thing? Or do you ask a co-worker to help you out with a minor problem?

This is not to imply that we should not pray to God for the little things: but remember, he already knows all. So he might be sending an angle to watch over you, or a new friend into your life, to help guide and shape you. In the Gospel of John, a story is told in which Jesus gives Peter the power and strength to continue his ministry:

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 

He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” [Jesus] said to him, “Feed my sheep” (John 21:15-17).

So, we too must continue this ministry, out of love of God. So, too, we must pray for the living and the dead, out of love for self and neighbor. Praying for all people is biblical, as well as being part of a Christian's core mission.

Prayer is an act (work) of love. Even Billy Joel got that in his scandalous song, "Only the Good Die Young": You said your mother told you/  All I could give you was a reputation/ Ah she never cared for me/ But did she ever say a prayer for me?"

There is one mediator between God and humans, and that is Christ (1 Timothy 2:5); but there are billions of helpmates to be found on earth and in heaven, continuing the mission of Christ, peacefully and together. This is why we pray for the living and the dead: to partake in this life, an extraordinary one, and rejoice in the hope with encapsulates all of us as members of the body of Christ, the great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1).

Church in Munich, Germany

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, thankful for your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel thus about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. 


For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:3-11)

Disordered? Or Specifically Designed to Carry the Cross?

I read this conversation on a CatholicVote.org article:

First, Davide:

Tom, if I told you I was not sexually attracted to you am I disordered? You are mistaken no where absolutely no where does the Church say the attraction is disordered. I encourage you to read the CCC 2357-2359. It says our attraction is a 'trail'. I am willing to go further and say it is not normal or natural. But I don;t need anyone reminding me of this. Imagine a 15 year old Catholic boy who is confused about his sexuality and he is told his attraction is disordered even though he is a virgin. Right out of the gate he feels lost and condemn. His straight buddies are disinterested in his sexuality. So he goes to the 'gay' kids who are disinterested in his faith. But not one of them considered him disordered. So he struggles between faith and what the world wants him to do. More than likely where do you think he will end up? Its no wonder most hetero folks don't understand homosexual advocacy, cause they don't undertand SSA. So I think we should limit the 'disordered' comments to the actual sin.

The response by Tom:

Davide--- Again, I didn't say you or anyone dealing with SSA *is* disordered. And as I read CCC 2358 I see it say of the homosexual attraction, "This inclination, which is objectively disordered...." Am I wrong in interpreting that to refer to the attraction, regardless of the action? If so, how? But again, in no way am I condemning anyone. As I imagine that 15 year old boy confused about his sexuality, telling him that his attraction is disordered isn't telling him that *he* is bad or condemned, but that he has a disordered inclination. Yes, it'll be a tough pill to swallow, but it's not incorrect. The next step, of course, is to help him on the path of living chastely, which, incidentally, is what 15 year olds who don't experience SSA need to be taught also. Perhaps steps can be taken to prevent the feeling of being lost and condemned through proper compassion at that tender age. I do not dispute that the compassion has been lacking far too frequently, but that does not mean the truth is not the truth. ------------ And I do not take any offense to your responses. I have appreciated your contributions and appreciate that you have a personal stake in this topic.

And a welcome clarification from Andy:

Again, "disordered" is not to be thought of in the psychological sense.

I'm glad these respectful conversations are happening. For more on SSA and the Church, the Canadian Council of Catholic Bishops put out the excellent read, "Pastoral Ministry to Young People with Same-Sex Attraction." The Church respects and defends the dignity of all people carrying this cross; let us Catholics do the same, without compromising the Church's teachings.

I think this is a tough issue for the Church, especially since it has become subjective in the sense that people hear "gay" and immediately think of their friend or relative. The teaching of homosexuality is aligned tightly with the Church's teachings of heterosexuality sexuality. They are one in the same; they are concerned primarily to the whole dignity of each person and faithfulness to the Lord's commandments.

Two slim books I really recommend are "Set Free to Love: Lives Changed by Theology of the Body" by Marcel LeJuene and "Washed and Waiting" by Wesley Hill. The former is from a Roman Catholic perspective (he works at Texas A&M and runs the Aggie Catholics blog) and the latter is Evangelical Christian (the author is a graduate of Wheaton College). Another excellent person to read on this subject is Eve Tushnet; she is a Catholic convert, lesbian and single (ergo, celibate). I first heard about her from a NYT article and enjoy her blog. OH! And Steve Gershom - a must-read blog by a "Catholic, Gay, and Feeling Fine, Thanks" man.

I reviewed LeJeune's book this past January; he writes on "sex, chastity, married life, celibacy, Trinitarian love, human dignity, the differences between men and women, and our ultimate purpose in life."

The story by the young man who struggles with same-sex attraction was phenomenal. When he asked Christopher West (renowned TOB author and speaker) how best to "deal" with it, West said, "First and foremost, you are a man."

This young man would later find further grace through the sacraments of the Church: "I started attending daily Mass and receiving the Eucharist day in and day out. I realized this was what I had been looking for all along! If I really wanted to learn what it meant to be a man, how much further did I need to look than the Sacrament of the greatest man who ever lived?"

Please pray with me for further understanding, contentment, respect and joy for all affected in this growing dialogue!

Such Great Heights

Last Sunday, my sister Kato jumped from a plane. She turned 22 yesterday, and that's what she wanted for her birthday. There's much to be said for the free-falling, and while I am scared stiff at the thought of it, B. wants to go too and asked me earlier when we're going.

Wow!

Do you ever feel like life can be a series of leaps?

Post-college life is not what I imagined it would be. I planned to be out East. I planned to be working for a big newspaper. I had come to terms with being penniless and loving it. I looked forward to catching the metro home after a long but fulfilling day, perhaps calling to catch up with my family on the walk home.

Life, as I know it at least, has turned out so differently. It is easy to look at success and think, what luck. That person is in God's good graces. Perhaps so. But along the way, I bet they've made choices and sacrifices. We as humans cannot walk around this earth expecting life to be handed to us. We cannot expect another to fill in the missing pieces. If you're trying and it's not working, it's God's little nudge for some creativity.

This is not to say you haven't been working hard. This isn't to say you haven't been earnestly seeking your vocation. But God does not have our finiteness. God thinks big, and desires for your greatness. It is we humans that tell ourselves things can't be done. Ever? Or just in a short period of time? Why not? Richard Bach wrote, "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours."

I cringe when I read that. I think faith can feel like that during the harder times. Hey you, God! Why...? is usually the question at hand. We may feel like Job; we didn't do anything wrong, and still we suffer. Or perhaps Jonah, who simply want to be left alone when greatness beckons with no certainty of survival. Maybe you have a twinge of feeling like Daniel, suffering persecution for refusing to forsake God. Or are you like Ruth, faithful in a foreign land?

If we accept that we are sinners, then we must equally accept our inability to grasp the bigger picture. God has a plan for us. We may not see it now or ever, but we are part of it. The Old Testament is a good example of this; it is only in retrospect that we see the Israelites and their plights as parallels to our own modern problems. What if the little and obscure shepherd boy had not plucked up the courage to slay the mighty Goliath?

In Boondock Saints (1999), Connor asks his dad how far they are going to take their justice of killing legitimately bad people. His father replied, "The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?"

With no certainties and no guarantees, we can feel hard-pressed for trust in our Lord. But perhaps the question should be switched: what have we done from God lately? Have we offered up our discontent with joy? Do we choose to trust, despite our doubts?

Top of the Tokyo Tower.

Psalm 145:3 says, "The Lord is great, highly to be praised, His greatness cannot be measured."

If you are afraid, be not so. Life is more like tandem jump skydiving than a solo jump. If you are unsure, spend more time with him. Frequent the sacraments. Pray more. Listen more. God desires your company, so do not deny him such a pleasure.

In times like this, I remember St. Faustina: "In whatever state a soul may be, it ought to pray. A soul which is pure and beautiful must pray, or else it will lose its beauty; a soul which is striving after this purity must pray, or else it will never attain it; a soul which is newly converted must pray, or else it will fall again; a sinful soul, plunged in sins, must pray so that it might rise again. There is no soul which is not bound to pray, for every single grace comes to the soul through prayer."

I also remember the words of Dicky Fox, sports agent:



Have a blessed weekend!

Cootie Shots and Conundrums

TBM Topic 17: Emotional Chastity

"Cootie Shots and Conundrums" by Julie Robison
"Daydream Believers and Emotional Disasters" by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
"Easy Bake Love Story" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

In the second grade, I received a cootie shot/ anti-boy inoculation from a retractable lead pencil. Don't worry, it was given to me by a professional- my seatmate had given them to nearly every other girl in the class too. From then on, I was (mostly) immune to male charms. I was one of the few girls still playing soccer with the boys in junior high. I focused on making good friends, both male and female, in high school. I was realistic about dating in college, following the sage wisdom of my parents: A date isn't a proposal. A dance isn't a commitment. Enjoying another person's company doesn't mean you're meant to be together forever.

Emotional chastity is about protecting your heart. It does not mean being unwilling to give it, but rather, give it selflessly, without regard to return. A perfect example of this is Elinor from Sense and Sensibility. She really liked Edward, but when she found out he was secretly engaged to another woman, she protected her feelings and let life play itself out. On the opposite side, her sister Marianne committed crimes of emotional exhibitionism. Fortunately, for us readers as well as both Dashwood sisters, true love wins out in the end.

I'll give a more probably example: menfolk as friends. I've never believed the old adage of "men and women can't be friends." I think such generalities are poppycock. Friendship, like love, is a choice and an action. Attraction, on the other hand, is not.

On of the biggest conundrums women face today is the acceptability of "friends with benefits." Girl meets guy. They become friends. They're not interested in each other, so they only pursue friendship. Then, something changes. They start to feel attracted towards each other. What then?

One of possibility is to pursue a relationship.

Another possibility is to have a mature conversation and decide friendship is the best course of action.

Then, there is technically a third option. Really, a fraction of a choice, an algebraic mixture of the above: the friendship as the core, plus the heart-break, minus the commitment, and plenty of unknown variables. Friends with benefits is possibly one of the worst violations of emotional chastity. The benefits are purely physical. It is a utilitarian friendship where two people seek something from the other person. Neither party will grow as a human being because humanity needs virtue and goodness, not consensual vices or an emulation of shallowness, to flourish.

Here are two recent Hollywood examples:

Exhibit A, "Friends with Benefits" (2011)



Exhibit B, "No Strings Attached" (2011)



I would like to point out that both movies involve the complication of falling in genuine love with the other person. Do you think anyone would want to watch the movie if the people only submitted to their animalistic natures, opposed to rising above the banal situation towards the true, goodness and beauty of Love?

What a conundrum the modern world is in! Even if one does not participate in the friends-with-benefits arena, watching these type of movies, reading chick lit and endlessly daydreaming about a future with someone you have not had that type of conversation with is hazardous to feminine mental health. The unrealistic expectations set up by thinking about handsome men and allowing one's mind to wander into fictional romance does not allow the heart to grow towards genuine love, which comes with time, honesty, purpose and virtue.

Self-control, therefore, is what is most needed in emotional chastity. It means not dwelling on the good times. It means not over-analyzing every word a cute guy said to you. It means not planning out one's future with the man you've started dating or just met. It is not easy, and requires constant vigilance. This does not mean one cannot enjoy romance, consider the future or giggle over cuteness. But people want mature love, which can only be achieved through pure intentions and not rushing into emotional bonds.

The best advice I've been given on the subject came from my bestie Julia, before I started dating B. It also happens to be the advice I gave her before she started dating her now-husband. To achieve happiness in life, you have to be content with yourself. More importantly, though, you have to be content with your situation.

If you are single and praying every night for love to find you, I suggest praying instead for God to give you purpose in your singleness. This, like most things, may only be a season, and use it as a way to serve God more fully. If you feel called towards the vocation of marriage, God will provide.

If you're still feeling like you're in a pickle, I suggest an old-school cootie shot. All you need is a #2 retractable pencil and a second grader to administer a dose of perspective!

Sister Maria Regina Immaculata

My dear college friend Karen finished her postulancy with the Sisters of Life in the Bronx, and received her veil and the name Sister Maria Regina Immaculata this past weekend! This next year is her novice year, where she will be discerning, studying and praying more deeply.

Karen!! I mean, Sister Maria Regina Immaculata

A beautiful family and witness for Christ's love!

I wrote about Karen late last year at TIC in a post called "They're Not Going to Catch Us. We're on a Mission from God."

Please pray for her, the Sisters of Life, the Dominican priests and novitiates at St. Gertrude's, the Franciscan Desert Nuns, all those discerning the religious life, and all those who serve God and his people in it. Pray for the holy Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI, all the leaders in the Church, all the lay people in the Church, Christendom, for a continued healing of the Schism, and for those who do not believe, so that all may be one in our Lord Christ Jesus.

This morning's psalm is Psalm 8:

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is thy name in all the earth! 
Thou whose glory above the heavens is chanted 
by the mouth of babes and infants, 
thou hast founded a bulwark because of thy foes, 
to still the enemy and the avenger. 
When I look at thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, 
the moon and the stars which thou hast established; 
what is man that thou art mindful of him, 
and the son of man that thou dost care for him? 
Yet thou hast made him little less than God, 
and dost crown him with glory and honor. 
Thou hast given him dominion over the works of thy hands; 
thou hast put all things under his feet, 
all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, 
the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, 
whatever passes along the paths of the sea. 
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is thy name in all the earth!

Let us all pray for the same purpose and have an equal discernment to those who serve the Church as consecrated religious, so that we might help sanctify the world through the work of our hands, a mere leaf on God's vine.

Rolling in the Deep

Hooray for Seven Quick Takes Fridays! I always feel like it's a giant game of catching up with some of my favorite people. Here's volume 19, the thick of Julie's week:

one

I am in love with Adele's "heartbroken soul" voice. Seriously, listening to anything else pales in comparison. She is on repeat this week.

two

Excited? Oh yes!

I decided that, this week, I needed to take action on a couple things, or else they might never happen. Here's part of this week's "Julie is trying to be braver" list:

1. bought my plane tickets to South Korea to visit April (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2. applied for my passport

3. told Mr. Awkward I was seeing someone

4. didn't back down from Mr. Aggressive and kept a civil tongue

5. ignored the ticking clock and completed a ridiculous amount of editing and wrote the monthly newsletter; am currently formatting it to send out next week.

Oh, and my Dad let me drive his fabulous little convertible I've been dying to drive since he got it. He was so nonchalant about it too- we went downtown, I dropped him off at the tailor's, then swung around a couple blocks and picked him up for lunch at this fabulous little hole in the wall Italian place that has been around since 1912.

Overall, steady as she goes!

three

Another good week for The Bright Maidens. I really appreciate everyone who has commented on the posts and sent us/ me e-mails. Be sure to like us on Facebook too!

This past week's topic was our issue(s) with the Catholic Church.

Mine: "Going to the Mattresses: One Girl's Take on Faith and Feelings"
Elizabeth: "Half measures"
Trista: "The Church's Self-Fulfilling Prophecy"

Next week will be just as scandalous: Why we're saving sex for marriage! (And it isn't because we didn't have the chance.)

Warning: I've been reading a lot of natural law theory lately.

four

I read so many good articles on this site this week that I just need to plug the whole thing: if you don't read MercatorNet, you should.

five

With all that is happening in the world right now, I think it apt to share this excerpt from Pope Benedict XVI's encyclical Spe Salvi:

"I will do it. Be made clean"

Like action, suffering [in all its forms] is a part of our human existence. Suffering stems partly from our finitude, and partly from the mass of sin which has accumulated over the course of history, and continues to grow unabated today.

Certainly we must do whatever we can to reduce suffering: to avoid as far as possible the suffering of the innocent; to soothe pain; to give assistance in overcoming mental suffering. These are obligations both in justice and in love, and they are included among the fundamental requirements of the Christian life and every truly human life. Great progress has been made in the battle against physical pain; yet the sufferings of the innocent and mental suffering have, if anything, increased in recent decades.

Indeed, we must do all we can to overcome suffering, but to banish it from the world altogether is not in our power. This is simply because we are unable to shake off our finitude and because none of us is capable of eliminating the power of evil, of sin which, as we plainly see, is a constant source of suffering. Only God is able to do this: only a God who personally enters history by making himself man and suffering within history. We know that this God exists, and hence that this power to "take away the sin of the world" (Jn 1:29) is present in the world. Through faith in the existence of this power, hope for the world's healing has emerged in history.

(Also, his birthday novena starts today! Join us in praying for Papa B!)

six

I discovered the Litany of Humility this week and am intrigued. I think I am going to start praying it, especially since I really struggle with pride. The litany asks for these three graces specifically (although I am sure more will come out of this spiritual exercise as well):

1. to set aside your attempts to make yourself feel “special” through the acceptance and admiration of others;
2. to overcome your repugnance to feeling emotionally hurt by others;
3. to seek the good of others in all things, setting aside all competition, even at your own expense.

The whole Litany of Humility is here.

"To be taken with love for a soul, God does not look on its greatness, but on the greatness of its humility." —St. John of the Cross, The Sayings of Light and Love

seven

Thanks goodness it is Friday!!!!! Here are 5/6 of the Robison siblings before I had to dash off to class last night:

We = AWESOME

[Update: My not-pictured-above collegiate brother saw this picture and said he was sad he wasn't there to finish the puzzle. Mucho amor, brother! I'll post another one of all six of us when he comes home for Muffy's play next weekend.]

Happy, happy Friday! Thanks for reading; see Conversion Diary for more.

I Feel Like The Maid! I Just Cleaned Up This Mess!

Week 17:

 

one

This Lent, I'm going to confession at least once a week. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

First, I have to find time to do it. Confession is offered in the evenings on Wednesday and on Saturday morning and afternoon. The opportunity is there, but the schedule fills up fast. Knowing I have to go makes me plan my time better.

Second, I am much more aware of my thoughts and actions because I know I will be talking to a priest within days of sinning. How humbling! "Bless me Father, for I have sinned... it had been one week for my last confession." Fortunately, no priest has said (yet), "Seriously? It's been a week?" The Dominicans are kind and firm. Confession is a dialogue. I'm not just ticking sins off my fingers, I'm really talking them through with the priest. It has been so rewarding and enlightening, and I always catch myself smiling as I say my penance.

I really encourage all of y'all to make the time to go to confession. I know the longer I wait to go, the more dread I feel. But God already knows your sins! This is you owning up to them, which, admittedly, is the hardest part. But pray for peace and pray for wisdom, and God in his mercy sees your heart.

If anything, think of confession as the "spring cleaning" of your soul!

two

Archbishop Timothy Dolan is the bomb-diggity. Seriously, the Catholic Church is so blessed to have such a man serving us, let alone as our current USCCB president. He gave a kickin' interview on CBS then wrote this fantastic piece called "An Airport Encounter" after a man approached him, asked if he was a Catholic priest, then said all he can think of are the words "sexual abuser." The whole thing is worth a read, but here's an excellent part: 

"Well then, why do we only hear this garbage about you priests," he inquired, as he got a bit more pensive. 

"We priests wonder the same thing. I've got a few reasons if you're interested."

He nodded his head as we slowly walked to the carousel.

"For one," I continued, "we priests deserve the more intense scrutiny, because people trust us more as we dare claim to represent God, so, when on of us do it – even if only a tiny minority of us ever have – it is more disgusting."

"Two, I'm afraid there are many out there who have no love for the Church, and are itching to ruin us. This is the issue they love to endlessly scourge us with."

"And, three, I hate to say it," as I wrapped it up, "there's a lot of money to be made in suing the Catholic Church, while it's hardly worth suing any of the other groups I mentioned before."

Elizabeth Scalia wrote a great piece called "Church is Holy, Scandals are of Man" that is also fantastic! May the Church continue to be blessed with such faithful members and defenders of the faith.

three

These lines from Arrested Development have been making me giggle all week:

 Lucille: Buster can do it. He's had business classes.

Buster: Wait, 18th century agrarian business. But I guess it's all the same principals. Let me ask you, are you at all concerned about an uprising?

four

NPR's 'This American Life' had an AMAZING story- listen here for this true act of heroism and redemption.

Synopsis:

James Spring read about two missing girls, thought to have been abducted to Mexico by their parents who were wanted for murder. Spring had wanted to do something that helped someone else, as he turned 40 years old. He decided to try to rescue Viana and Faith Carelli in Baja. He helped return them to their grandparents in Soquel, but the story is more complicated than that.

five

I was recently asked if I was in Debate or if I studied speech at school.

"Nope," I replied. "I was raised by a lawyer."

Dad and 3/4 of his daughters

six

Join me in:
--Praying for the situation in the Middle East, especially the Christians being martyred.
--Praying for Japan and all people affected.
--Praying for 40 Days for Life, which is happening right now. (And probably in your area! It is Day 17 and 132 lives have been saved! Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!)
--Praying for my family, who are all still grieving the death of my aunt, while dealing with family politics.
--Especially praying for the souls in Purgatory, including my grandmother Jean, great-grandmother Tillie, Aunt Ann and Aunt Tracey.
--Praying for all those struggling to conceive, that adoption may be a viable option.

seven

Last but certainly not least, this week's Bright Maidens' posts on dating exploded across the internet. As of this morning, my "Hillsdating and Other False Realities" has flown over 600 views, which, I admit, surprises me. I did not think this would be a popular post. I was obviously (and happily!) wrong. I think I got the most glee out of all my fellow Hillsdalians full-on support and hilarious comments to me; yes, this is the real world, folks! One friend even offered to print it off and stick it under freshmen doors, as a preventative measure.

Many thanks to Tito Edwards for featuring Elizabeth's "Christian Commitophobia" (my life story?), Trista's "Friendship That Lasts" (amazing and Aristotelian) and my 10 Commandments for Dating to The Pulp.It and National Catholic Register! Also, many, many thanks to the numerous other plugs (shout outs to Tony and Marc!) we've got this week, and to Peter, et al. for asking me out via the internetz. Thank you!, but I must decline. In a slight twist of fate, today is also the birthday of the guy I am seeing; I think it would be cruel and heartless of me to accept such an invitation on his birthday!

As a consolation prize, you can like The Bright Maidens: Young Catholic Commentary on Facebook. If you like me, like us!

Happy Friday! See Conversion Diary for more.