True Grit: Three Kids Under Three

This month has been one of grind. The grind of taking care of sick children, the grind of preparing for classes, the grind of gritting one's teeth and doing SOMETHING because you are the person who makes things happen. The grind of fixing food and watching it being thrown to the floor, the grind of keeping the kids on a schedule, the grind of cleaning up again and again and again... We moved the girls' dresser out of their room, but during one nap time in the guest room, Grace climbed out of bed and removed all the clothes, where they remain today. (It's been weeks of mess now.)

Grind.

Recently, I ground coffee for the first time. I am not sure how I feel about it. Is it worth the extra 20 seconds? Did my coffee taste different? The creamer and milk tasted nice with it. Will's uncles sent us coffee beans and tea for Christmas. They all smell good.

There I was, churning those beans into a fine substance, when I was struck by the whirling gear parts. What a novel little invention! I wonder who set forth to make coffee grinding affordable and easy.

I am the grinder in our family. I make it look easy, though my gears are constantly changing. I'm told that I make it look easy, and I don't know how you do it! 

All four of us at the grocery store, making "it" happen... it being, not starving

I do not have any special training, except if you count college. In college, I was excessive. I took too many classes, joined too many clubs, wrote multiple articles every month, wrote multiple papers every month, and laughed a lot. I had bad times and glad times, and times I wanted to leave college and never go back. (Looking at you, sophomore year.) I grew so much. I grew up so much. I gained the most valuable skill: innovation.

It is through innovation that the grind seems less heavy and more interesting. What am I going to get done today? How can I persuade toddlers to fight less and clean up more? I was thinking about this as  I was signing forms at Grace's outpatient therapy last week. You know what? I just am--because I am their mama bear.

My innovation of the month is dividing the conquering the kids belongings. In the front room, we now have one basket of toys. That's it. It's mostly their blocks, one little bag (Grace loves stuffing it over capacity), two Melissa & Doug flashlights and a smattering of baby toys. Pick up was never so easy.

The house is still an overall wreck as I fight against inertia, but we're all doing better and continue to recover from the plague. My students are taking their midterms this weekend, so I'm hoping to dive through more of our stuff. But enough of this boringness. Here's how I actually do it.

It's 5 a.m. somewhere... but I am not awake 

Coffee Duh. Don't even try to exist without it. I am trying a new regimen: coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon and bone broth in the evening for warm protein before bed. In between, I attempt to drink a lot of water. Yep, a lot. I'm very specific around here.

My cousins bought us a 12 cup coffee maker as a wedding present. It is our best friend in the morning. We used to have a french press, but one of our children broke it and we honestly did not use it enough to re-purchase. We are more of an instant gratification couple when it comes to our morning brew. My new tea pot is a french press for tea, so it's the best of all worlds.

Finally, why bone broth? I'll admit that I bought Bare Bone Broth at our local Wegmans to support Katherine (a college classmate and friend) and her husband. They started this company from the ground-up, and it's been amazing to witness their commitment to creating a quality product. When I tasted the chicken broth, I really liked it. The cost had thrown me a bit ($8.50/ea), so I purchased a competitor's brand to also try. Hands down - this is not an ad and I am not being paid - Bare Bone Broth is divine, with a subtle flavor that is both comforting and not overwhelming. I love that each serving has 13g. of protein because as a breastfeeding mom + someone who is trying to eat better, I'm all too prone to eat whatever is easiest instead of what is best, especially when I am starving before bed. I am extra glad I bought two bags.

Bonus: kerfir (probiotic) and smoothies (whole lotta vegetables), so I am essentially existing on a liquid diet. Don't forget about red wine before bed.

Marriage

Do you know why you have kids? I know, this is a trick question. You are probably married. (Shout out to single mamas, because you are a warrior!!!) Maybe you have one child and you think having three kids is impossible and I'm crazy and hahahaha Julie, okay, mhm. As confusing as this may sound, I do not recommend three kids under three without an amazing working relationship with your spouse. Will is patient, kind, never yells, always listens (even when he thinks I am wrong, wink), and... fine, he is essentially a magical unicorn when it comes to focus, be it cleaning or child care.

Then again, he gets to leave the house on an almost daily basis so his sanity is more in-tact than mine. I also take care of all our paperwork, which is special circle of nonsense, and have committed myself to cleaning the mess that never ends.

Will and I have a very strong marriage. We have walked (are still walking) through multiple rings of fire and seeing each other at our worst, sharing in struggles, and learning to be truly vulnerable with each other in a respecting, loving way is a work in progress every day. Our marriage is ours, and it works wonderfully. Our secret? We work on it every single day.

What does that look like for us. Our reality: Will works long hours. 60-80+ hours/week. That is especially draining for me since I am primary caretaker for three children/ wish I had a household chores fairy/ teach online/ transport G to school and therapy/ grocery shop/ whatever else needs to be done BECAUSE I AM THE MAMA BEAR (rawr!).

Our how-to-love-each-other-when-we're-stretched-thin includes:

• Physical intimacy. Top of our list, for sure. This is not just sex - it's kissing, snuggling, hand holding, hugs, flirting... Physical touch is important, period. Nothing says "I love you" like a nice head and neck massage. I also take Will dinner regularly at the ED because then we all get hugs, even if it took 20x as long to get there than actually spending time together. The hugs and smiles are always worth it. 
• Emotional intimacy. We treat each other with respect, love and care especially when we don't feel like it.
• Communication. The bedrock of us. We do not presume anything. We do not assume anything. We do not think we know what the other person is feeling. We ask, we talk, we discuss, we disagree, we conclude. This is hard, this is vulnerable, and this is where pride falls.
• Space. Will and I established the term "mellow" when we want to be left alone; e.g., I'm just feeling mellow. 
• Encouragement. Who doesn't want to hear often that our dearest one thinks we are awesome? Who doesn't love when your loved one fixes you coffee?
• Common interests. Will and I are very different people with different interests. This year, we're reading a book/month together. Nothing heavy, just fun. We play board games together and an online card game called Hearthstone. We discuss current events and usually share a few seasons of a fun show to watch together. 
• Date night! On Friday, we ordered pizza, fed the kids, played with them, put them to bed, and spent the whole evening hanging out. We didn't go anywhere and it was awesome. If you can go out, that's great too. We just try to have fun together by doing something a little out of the ordinary. 

For us, our marriage is our top priority. It doesn't matter what else is happening if we're not on the same team? Our jobs and our kids won't contribute to our happiness the same way our marriage does. We do our jobs better when Will and I support each other in those endeavors. We raise our children better when they know their parents love and support each other as well as themselves. This is all a season, but if we treat each other poorly because life is going poorly, then we are not living out our vows.

Nutrition

For the past two months, I have put WAY more vegetables into my diet and lost 5 lbs so far. I do not like vegetables very much, but I'm always hungry. I am practicing the art of meal planning. Sometimes, it goes really well and I prep in advance and it's awesome. Sometimes, I just wing it. That works out too, especially if I have the ingredients already in the fridge.

Last night, we ordered pizza. This week, I'm fixing ham and lentil soup (for Will), Pioneer Woman's Hamburger soup (for me - vegetable hardy!), and trying out a few recipes in my new Mark Bittman cookbook. Stay tuned. I also try to take a lot of vitamins and my PPD medicine every day.

I don't have any secrets for meal planning - stay realistic, stay consistent, and know what works. I found two amazing prep recipes for chicken breasts and chicken thighs, which helps with the weekly meals. Carb, protein, vegetable; dairy and fruit in between meals. Keep the sweets away from me, Satan!

Schedule

Julie, you have told me nothing about having kids. What is going on in this post?? Look ladies- whether you are a SAHM, WAHM (like me), or working outside the home, you must take care of yourself. It's not a luxury. Little babies depend sosososo much on their mamas.

We keep a pretty strict schedule dictated by: meals, therapy, Grace's preschool, my teaching, rest/bed time, and (as of this week) exercise. These are all non-negotiable. I am also adding in 4 p.m. exercise for myself, because I am usually tired then, but it's the most convenient. I also feel way better when I am exercising regularly, mentally and physically.

For those who have small children who do not nap any more, I strongly encourage you to create some sort of rest period with them. If Grace refuses to nap, she still has to do a quiet activity or lay on the couch with her her blanket. She, like me, gets overstimulated and extra cranky when tired.

Keep a strict schedule and be flexible when necessary. Be willing to throw yourself on the couch and watch t.v. instead of folding laundry. Ha, you're right--who folds laundry?

Spirituality

I try to reading the mass readings every day, thanks to the Magnificat subscription my Dad bought for me. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't. I pray every day even if it to say, "LORD BE WITH ME PLEEEEEEEEEASE ttyl". Keeping in touch with God is very important in my life. Mass every week is hard, and we're currently going to mass separately. Flu season/ constant runny noses + agile children is not a great combination.

Trust Yourself.

I have a group of friends who are in the same season as me, and this has taught me that, no matter what path we're walking, we're the only ones who can do it. Only I can take care of my three children. I can ask for help, I can ask for advice, I can get help - but at the end of the day, I am their mother. Period. I decide what their schedule is, what their activities will be, what will happen when they are naughty, how to celebrate life, and be there for all the in-between moments. Every mom needs to turn off the FOMO radar, close your eyes, and accept your life. Whatever it is, you are in control over your attitude and decisions. No one else can be the heroine of this story.

Work it out

I repeat: if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of others.

But sometimes, it's just making the day work for you. If you've made a delicious meal for your kids but you spent the whole time yelling at them, then you are probably an empty well in need of a spa day. That means, if Will is working late (or at all), and I am tired, we embrace a meal I call "toddler tapas". This means I lay out beach blankets for a picnic, and the girls get to decide on what snacks will become their dinner. You know what? THEY LOVE IT. We watch a show, we eat a semi-balanced meal, and then we get ready for bed. Motherhood should be fun. And even when it's not, you have the power to give the kids early bed time if the crankiness is unreal. Work it out, mama. You've got this.

**

I recognize that each of these topics could have plenty more posts written, but we'll save those for another day so I stop putting off publishing this one. So here's a picture of me and my new bunny sweater. Keeps me warm and it's adorable.

Hey y'all, it's me, Julie...

A final note: I don't necessarily recommend people having three kids under three. Will and I are not a "have as many children as possible" couple. I do not believe "be fruitful and multiply" means this because we, as parents, have a moral responsibility towards the care of our children. But we did want our kids to grow up close in age, and even though it is pretty dang hard, it is a season. I recognize this, embrace it, and pass on my wisdom.

Okay, one more note: I read an article that is similar to this one and the mom says she cleans the house before she leaves it and that works for her. That doesn't work for me. You do you, mama. I believe in you!!!!

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#write31days: Are You Depressed Because You Have Three Kids Under Three?

This is the big question. I feel this is often an underlined in conversations, if not specifically mentioned.

My opinion is NOPE.

Three under three means I have less time for socializing, need to organize more and maybe definitely affects how scatter-brained I am.

But these kids actually keep me sane because I love them so so so much. Maybe that is not the way for everyone, but it is for me. If anything, I am more contemptuous of anyone else who discusses my kids or my parenting in ways my brain perceives as vaguely condescending.

(Perceives, of course, is the key word.)

It's the most favorite phrase I hear: "You have your hands full!"

I usually reply that, I have one hand free (chuckle, I'm so clever), or, I'm baby wearing!, or, UP YOURS. (Sort of kidding on the last one.)

A better reply: Hands full, heart full! 

If you can't believe that you're seeing a person who has one to multiple children, here's what you can say:

1. She/ He/ They're so beautiful!
2. You are a lucky mama!
3. Just smile and say nothing. (Because you don't have to say ANYTHING, since you usually do not know the person in the slightest.) 

What then? Say nothing, yes; instead, practice acts of mercy. Few people are interested in unsolicited opinions. How are your actions going to reflect love?

My friend Maria just sent me a couple of weeks worth of dinner. Praise the LORD. I'll only have to worry about the kids, which is easy enough. I am still in awe at her thoughtfulness. I've had a few friends send me cards to say Hi, I love you. That's it. That's what I need - support and love.

We Catholics have a moral obligation to participate in the Corporal Works of Mercy and the Spiritual Works of Mercy. I know for me, I am especially practicing "bearing wrongs patiently" these days... I am often impatient. It stings me to recognize how impatient I can be, but the self-awareness which comes from my healing is a blessing indeed.

Many cases of depression swirl around the idea that the mother is not enough; and in some ways, this thought is right - no one person can *do* enough. But each person has the intrinsic value and dignity of *being enough*. We all must show through our actions and words that this is the case, and try to undermine the false demons.

Favorite things to mail new mothers:
1. Anything  aden+anais (e.g. soft bibs, blankets)
2. Starbucks gift card
3. Any type of gift card involved in expedient purchases
4. wipes + dipes
5. a little luxuries box - this is much more individualized, but: a new water bottle, nail polish, easy breakfast options, a good pair of socks, flavored sparkling water, a favorite magazine, a Netflix gift card (or Hulu!), a box of tea/ bag of coffee... really, anything you feel a mother would enjoy. {I'll write more on creative gift ideas soon. This is a favorite activity of mine!}

The same goes for the depressed mother. I like to send belated gifts because once the routine has set in, it's nice to receive something to know I remember that they have a baby at home and I am thinking of them. I tend to send mother-centric gifts, because she needs to know that people care, even when she feels alone and overwhelmed. Babies are need love, feedings and changings, and the emotional energy is going 24/7.

When in doubt, if money is tight, just send a card.

It really is the little things.


**

My "rules" for this series are short (especially before commenting): this topic is personal and I am currently living in it. This is not an abstract for a dissertation. I do not have 20/20 hindsight yet. I don't need any medical advice, as I keep in close communication with my own PA + Dr., as well as being married to one. My husband and I practice many different types of coping mechanisms as well, which I will write about too. My situation is 100 percent unique and I am writing only about myself. These posts are directed at no one, and still, I am opening myself up to share my experiences. If I can help one person, it will be worth it. Please respect this adult conversation at face value.

**

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A Day in the Baldwin House

Chandler graciously invited me to share my day; here's to the challenge! 

My name is Julie Baldwin. I am a part-time online United States history teacher who is still on summer break/ maternity leave for a few more weeks. My husband is an emergency medicine resident, which adds variety to our schedule. We have three children under 3 years old, going on four years of marriage, and living far away from our respective home bases. For better and for could-do-better, no day is the same...

Friday - Casa Baldwin - PA, USA

At some point in the morning, I wake up to feed Stephen (3 months). It is still dark out. I peer into his face and his eyes are open. He's hungry! I grab my phone and text my husband Will, who is working overnight in the surgical ICU. He's typing up notes before rounds. Stephen falls back asleep and I plop him into the rock 'n sleep one more time...

The light wakes me soon enough... I fight the urge to ignore reality. I am content to stare at this little pudding pie drowsily.

7-8 a.m.: Get Grace (3) and Laura (1.5) up from their cribs; they are wide awake and done relaxing once I enter their room. I'm lucky they've learned how to stay put/ not scream before 7 a.m. I change diapers, feed Stephen again while the girls run around and play upstairs, test my fertility + chart, take my PPD medicine and move the party downstairs for breakfast.

8-10 a.m.: Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are therapy days for my daughter Grace, but this morning, we are relaxing and waiting for Will to come home from the hospital. Breakfast varies based on time and willingness to exert effort. The girls are enjoying half a breakfast burrito each, a banana, milk and raisins. We read the morning prayers and Scripture from my August issue of the Magnificat.

After breakfast, we play inside in the front room and outside on the porch. Grace is very into coloring; I also stretch her limbs out. Laura likes reading, sliding, and building with + dumping her blocks. We hear the “choo choo train!!!!!”. I am listening to The Fellowship of the Ring while working in the other rooms.

I'll clean up the kitchen, eat my oatmeal and focus on drinking my coffee. Few things more important than my coffee intake at this point [in my mind].

Will comes home early before we leave for our appointment, and is immediately greeted by his girls with hugs around the legs. I go high for a kiss and a hug, after which he says he got no sleep and is headed straight to bed. This month is really tough on all of us. I go back to cleaning my desk off and preparing for us to leave the house.

Breakfast: maple cinnamon steel oats in the crockpot, coffee, milk, bananas, breakfast burritos,

10-11:30 a.m.: Today, we actually went to the chiropractor for the first time! I was nervous... but no need. The only thing I had to fear was the insane amount of paperwork needed (times two). Grace has cerebral palsy, which mainly affects the right side of her body. She has been complaining of knee pain, and I am hoping this will help.

The doctor immediately identifies problem areas and was really fantastic with her. I am duly impressed. I was even more impressed at how calm we both remained while 2/3 of my children cried as my appointment started. Grace subsided when the doctor asked her to hold my hand; he meant it for her, but it really did help me as well. Mothering + desk job means more chiro appointments in our future. I thought he was killing me with the number of cracks I heard in my neck, but a lot of tension is gone and there is less tingling in my arms.

I would almost say that this random appointment is normal for us too, since we are always dancing between different specialists - pediatrician, neurology, eye, OB/GYN and coming soon--ortho! This visit was delightful.

11:30-12:30 p.m.: Grace falls asleep in the car, so I put her down for an early nap. Laura stays up with me and we eat lunch. I feed Stephen again; put Laura down for a nap.

Lunch: chicken breast over spinach salad with tomatoes, feta and balsamic vinegar; Laura has mozzarella cheese stick, grapes, goldfish

I love this one-on-one time with my third wee tot! I have had so many interesting conversations with fellow moms about breastfeeding and my advice is always... Do you. For me, that usually involves a weird angle and not covering up in the cape style. I have a muslin blanket that is perfect for extra coverage and any sprayage (or spit up), but I won't totally cover up any more, as I felt compelled to do with Grace. Why? Because breastfeeding is normal. There is nothing gross about it; it's actually miraculous, when you look into it scientifically. It is not lewd (baby covers the nipple, people. That's the feeding part). If it makes you uncomfortable, look away. If you'd rather use a bottle or need to supplement, go for it. But there is no room for prudish behavior towards a mother feeding her baby because it is an absolute act of love. It is hard, it is a commitment and it is beautiful. Stephen is my third breastfed baby. I wanted to quit within the first month because it was so hard with him. But I stuck with it, and it's one of my favorite times of the day now - relaxing into the couch, feeding him and helping him achieve Hulk status.

12:30-3:30 p.m.: This is magical. Laura skipped her morning nap and since Grace fell asleep WAY before her normal nap time (between 2:30-3 p.m.), so I have the house to myself. I try to do my favorite postpartum work-out video; it's the effort, right? I decide to fold the three piles of laundry I washed yesterday while watching Elementary. After an episode, I work on school prep. (I start teaching online again in less than a month!) Then, I get super tired and I take a rest/ nap till someone wakes up.

3:30-4:30 p.m.: By someone, I mean Laura. This child! We play and I continue to clean up a bit. I wanted to fix zucchini bread, but it's still really hot and I cannot imagine turning the oven on right now. Stephen wants to be fed again... Not sure how many times a day I feed him, honestly, but it is way more than I am writing down.

Mini nap time for us post-feeding.

4:30-5:00 p.m.: Grace is awake and ready to play again; we practice walking down the steps while I hold her right hand. This is a big deal because a) she used to never let anyone hold her right hand, let alone trust anyone who did not also hold her left hand and b) she boycotted walking down the steps earlier this year and we are FINALLY returning to Grace being okay going down (and not just up). We think part of that is because of her eye surgery in July- we're hoping her depth perception improved.

5:00-6:00 p.m.: I start to plan dinner. It's Friday, and I try to serve meatless meals.  The kids color outside on the patio, which is closest to the kitchen.

Dinner: salmon (cooked in a foil packet), brown rice + quinoa, red peppers

6:00-7:00 p.m.: We eat out on the porch tonight. We've been having a lot of picnics lately, and it's just easier to clean up. Will wakes up at some point and comes downstairs. The girls are excited! They climb all over him and forget about dinner.

7:00-8:00 p.m.: More playtime, but we've moved the girls upstairs for a bath. They love it, and they love splashing Will. Jammies, teeth brushed, books read and prayers said.

8:00 p.m.: BEDTIME BABIES. NIGHT NIGHT.

8:00-9:30 p.m.: Oh yeah. Stephen is still awake. Will and I discuss possibilities for the evening. We clean together, and then he goes upstairs to his computer. Stephen helps me fix a quiche.

Quiche: pie crust, cooked sausage, eggs, heavy cream, milk, shredded cheddar cheese - cook at 400 Fahrenheit for 40 minutes

We do more cleaning. (No, really, when does it stop??) I feed Stephen again and relax into the couch.

9:30-11 p.m.: I take my vitamins and melatonin. Will comes down and we watch two episodes of The Wire, season two - really excellent. Gritty; superb in every respect - acting, story lines, writing, production. For those who have not heard of it, it's considered one of, if not the best television drama ever. (Available through Amazon Prime video!)

11 p.m.-12 a.m.: I try to get to bed before midnight every night. It's my work in progress, as a night owl. I am always trying for 11 p.m. but 11:30 is my current record. Will changes Stephen's diaper, and I feed him again, if necessary. I get ready for bed, we talk about what Will should study (pulmonary something was the verdict) and other related topics, and we say night prayers. Will goes up to his office for the night, so his body will stay adjusted for his next night shift. I settle in for the night/ until Stephen wakes again for another eat. Sweet dreams!

. . .

Read more:

A Day in the Armstrong House
A Day in the Fink House
A Day in the Howard House
A Day in the Smith House 

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NFP as a Mama of Three

It's the end of NFP Awareness Week, so I'm going to throw in a few cents as a mama with three kids under three.

Natural Family Planning is getting to know the woman's fertility through various means (mucus, hormone monitor, basal thermometer, etc.) and then, making a decision about when to have sex in order to avoid, conceive or whatever. This is called TTA (trying to avoid), TTC (trying to conceive) and TTW (trying to whatever).

We have a child from each of these. Grace was a TTW - we were open to having a baby, and based on where I was in my cycle, we had a 5 percent chance of conceiving. Laura was TTC - we wanted to have another baby close to Grace. Stephen was TTA - the postpartum method we were using was not successful, and his conception was considered a method failure. This does not mean that NFP = children even when you are avoiding. Plenty of people successfully avoid using the same method. To me, this means that God wanted Stephen in our lives. I cannot imagine life without this chunky monkey. Practically, I also changed how I track my fertility postpartum!

This time around, I started charting with my teacher before my 56 days were up. After a lady has a baby, she is definitely infertile for the first 56 days. After that, even if you are breastfeeding, your fertility can come back (as we learned) before the usual six months. It is unusual, but it does happen.

We are currently using the Marquette method and working closely with a wonderful teacher as we navigate the postpartum period. Since I do not have any health problems we have to work around, this is the easiest method for us. Every morning, I pee on a stick (we buy with Amazon's subscribe and save - a steal! Especially with five or more items, you get a 15 percent discount) and my ClearBlue monitor (Also on sale with Prime currently) tells me if my fertility is low, high, or peak.

From the Marquette website:

The Marquette Model (MM) system of NFP brings 21st century technology to NFP by using the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor, a device used at home which measures hormone levels in urine to estimate the beginning and end of the time of fertility in a women's menstrual cycle. The information from the monitor can be used in conjunction with observations of cervical mucus, basal body temperature, or other biological indicators of fertility. The MM was developed by professional nurses and physicians at Marquette University in the late 1990s. A recent (2007) study published in the Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, and Neonatal Nursing demonstrated a 97-98% efficacy of the MM in avoiding pregnancy when taught by a qualified teacher and correctly applied.

There is more protocol in terms of how many days one should avoid post-peak, and postpartum pre-peak vs. postpartum post-peak, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about why Will and I choose NFP over other methods.

The easiest place to start is our faith. We're Roman Catholic, and as part of our Christian faith, we practice total fidelity. We do not use artificial contraception. The Church does not require us to use NFP, but it does advocate responsible parenthood. "Be fruitful and multiple" does not mean have more children than your sanity, bank account and body can handle. The Church's teaching must be seen through the eyes of total love; it is for communion of body and soul, not a separation.

That being said, NFP is not a Catholic-only method. I know many non-Catholics who use it. Leah Libresco, a Catholic convert from atheism, recently wrote on learning NFP while engaged. She recommends Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which teaches FAM - Fertility Awareness Method, or NFP + barrier methods during avoiding times. TCOYF is the definitive text for learning about one's fertility, reproductive health and charting. This is not only for married folk - charting is the best way to understand how your body is working, and learning to recognize  and interpret changes.

Next, is science. Unlike the popular myth that all NFP methods are the same (or the rhythm method), a woman's fertility is unique and scientists like those at Marquette University, or Dr. Hilgers with his Creighton method, are actively studying women's fertility and have proven, peer-reviewed methods of helping women avoid and achieve pregnancy when practiced correctly. I say "correctly" because this is the danger of NFP - a woman can get pregnant. But this happens to people using birth control methods as well, so I'm nonplussed about this part. I truly think that NFP is as valid a method to avoid and achieve, with the bonus of *knowing* one's fertility (no more guesswork!) and creating an incredible bond with your spouse.

We use the Kindara app to chart - so well organized and a beautiful design. I love that I can add-in more information than what is provided already too.

Finally: love. There is nothing more trust-building than two spouses on board with fertility planning. The husband is equally as involved as his wife; he carries responsibility as she does. This is not always easy. Will and I did not pick NFP because we enjoy this challenge; but is it worth it? Absolutely. We practice fidelity to one another; open communication; incredible vulnerability; respect and acceptance of the total person; value and honor for God's design; true self-sacrifice. The benefits, for us, outweigh the fear.

True love must know sacrifice. This is why our wedding vows speak of leaving our mother and father and joining to our spouse. The current statistics on divorce is about 50 percent**, which is terrifying. NFP users have a lower rate - hovering around 9.5 percent. Having sex is not just for creating a child. It's also for bonding! But the accountability and responsibility is still there, and we take that seriously.

It's hard to be pregnant. It might not seem that way, especially coming from someone who has had three successful pregnancies in three years. We were open to that. We were open to that challenge. I would not recommend this path to most people, but we feel very blessed to have our three children and be in a position to care for them. It should not, however, and is not to be taken for granted. People love asking if we're done now that we've had our boy. Hopefully not! Will and I are still discerning, as is part of our marriage.

**
"Which Method of NFP Is Right For Me?" quiz

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I love strolling down memory lane. I love thinking about all the walks we went on while dating and engaged; hiking and talking about Big, Philosophical questions and telling stories and discussing what we wanted in life. Will and I decided that we wanted to spend our lives together - eating and grocery shopping; chores and cleaning up after little people; in good times and in bad; in morning sickness and in health. I thought I loved Will when we got engaged, and even more when we got married. And I did. I love him even more now. Be assured that marriage is hard for us too, and NFP is harder. There is a lot of dying to self. NFP strips away the pretension and the pride, and leaves us to face our own reality. Each NFP experience is unique, and I like knowing that it is part of our love story. It's anecdotal evidence, but in the search for fullness of the human experience, what else is there?

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** EDIT: A friend sent me this article, which says that divorce rate is well below 50 now and that this statistic is incorrect. Happy to hear!

"Woolies for the Winter": Here We Go A Wandeling

One of my best friends, Betsy Howard, and another very dear friend, Laura Kern, have started a women's publishing house, Wandeling Press, and are publishing their first children's book - "Woolies for Winter"!

Fellow Hillsdale College grads who became friends through Mars Hills Academy - a small classical school where Betsy and Laura's husband both worked - they reconnected and collaborated in lyrical poetry and beautiful watercolors.

The best part? They met their goal - for the first book! They plan on writing at least one more per season, and many other books to follow. Help stretch their goal - hear more from Betsy here!

With Betsy's finesse of language and Laura's attention to details, these books will be treasured for years to come.

1. Become a backer - today! Goal ends at midnight of December 20, 2015.
2. Share this project (They were a staff pick in Publishing - featured on Kickstarter!)
3. Follow on Facebook

Want to know more? Here's their blog.

Support Wandeling Press, get your own copy of "Woolies for Winter" and help launch a great renaissance of children's literature.

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Day 10: Tapas for Two (Plus Two)

On Thursday (since we're driving all day today!), our little familia went out for a last supper since the girls and I will be gone for three weeks while Will finishes his Trauma shift. It's a brutal shift, and this way he can focus on his work and all the studying required of him, and I'll feel a little less like a single parent during the month of October.

We went to Tapas in downtown historical Bethlehem and it was delicious - mussels with fries, garlic shrimp and pork belly worth savoring in tiny bites. Fun drinks and two adorable girls to boot.

It's going to be hard to be away - I am quite attached to Will, but when his shifts are ridiculous, it's time to switch up the scenery. Plus, we won't be traveling home for any holidays near or far at this point. (Residency life!) Which is okay, too, because we're forming our own family traditions. So, back to the Midwest we go!

The girls were really excellent the entire time during dinner - only towards the end did Grace need to get out of her high chair and "feed" Will the rest of his dinner.

This was one of the first times we've taken both girls out to a nice restaurant, and we were not disappointed. Looking forward to many more family dates, and for the warm weather to return!

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Picnic Post and Poconos

Hi gang!

We're off to vacation today! We're going to the Poconos (1-2 hours away, depending on who you drive with) with my family and in-laws. My mom and two of my sisters arrived last night, and we'll leave soonish. Wanted to drop a little link love for the next week:

Three billion miles away, no problem: Houston, we have pictures of Pluto! Thanks NASA!

If you've never heard of Sr. Theresa A. Noble, now's the time. A former atheist/ current Catholic nun, she writes (well!!) for Patheos. Her latest is gold: 5 Tips: When Friends and Family Disagree on Gay Marriage

I've been perusing the web for some supplementary reading for my AP kids, and ran across this great piece by Lawrence Reed at The Freeman (publication of FEE, or Foundation for Economic Education) about Anne Hutchinson: America’s First Feminist Was a Radical Libertarian

If you're interested in urban planning, I loved this piece from The Manhattan Institute’s Center for Rethinking Development: Four Jane Jacobs Ideas that Should Have Made a Difference

Laura at Mothering Spirit touched a lot of hearts with her piece "the essay I never wrote"

As a ballet lover and a mother of a child with cerebral palsy, I adored this post on the NYC ballet: "The New York City Ballet Conducts Workshops For Disabled Children"

Nike collaborated with a CP kid to make these shoes too. So cool.

For my vacation week, I bought Harper Lee's latest and am very excited about it. NPR's review is spot-on, especially concerning the initial backlash: 'Go Set A Watchman' Is A Revelation On Race, Not A Disappointment

This is a surprising piece from NYT's Modern Love section about how a couple faces adversity: Superheroes, Just for Each Other

Thanks First Things for this woman-roar!! piece: Learning from Bodies

Finally, this is THE BEST article I have read on marriage, well, ever: The Wedding Toast I’ll Never Give

Cheers from us Baldwins, catch y'all in a week!

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Ready to Run

As if I needed any more reasons for a new pair of running shoes- my pair has been confiscated!

I love watching the "nature vs. nurture" argument play out in Grace. We want to nurture a healthy life, complete with exercise, but her love of shoes is all nature.

I wish I felt this much enthusiasm for my running shoes!

And we look forward to buying her a pair of her own.

What say you of nature and nurture, dear readers?

On the First Day of Easter, My True Love Gave to Me

This Triduum weekend was much busier than I imagined; Will is back in the ER and, fortunately/unfortunately, he's working nights. He has two more shifts before he is done [with night shift] for the month, but dang, we are both tired. 

Tiredness, of course, means I am much slower at any type of school work (prep/grading/answering questions) done. This first year of teaching is an absolute blast - it's also absolutely exhausting when combined with a first year resident husband (I hear it gets better??) and two small tots.

Laura's radio show ("Late Nights with Laura!") is usually between 11-2:30 a.m., and last night was no exception. This was us at 2 a.m.

We went to 8 a.m. mass because Will got off his night shift at 7 a.m. and if I tried to get him up for a later mass, it would throw off his deep sleep. Needless to say, it was still tough to go from working all night to mass. He told me was trying to smile for this picture. I think the corners of his mouth are slightly up? Maybe I missed the American Gothic memo.

After we got the girls inside, Will went straight to bed. Laura took a nap, and Grace enjoyed presents from her parents and grandparents - and her first Easter basket!

Grace wore:

Dress: Hanna Andersson

Leggings: Hanna Andersson

Shoes: Keens (via Zappos)

She loves her basket.

She dedicated her time to spreading the Easter joy... 

... while I practiced letting go of the things I cannot control... like fun messes.

She had a very joy-filled Easter, and I am grateful for that. This was my first Easter away any extended family: just my family. 

I suppose I was worried that, if left to our own devises, Grace won't have the same fun memories I have with my large extended family. Every single holiday, I know exactly how we'll celebrate and (generally) who will be there. It's a little scary to establish your own traditions, melding favorites, faith and wants. 

Today, though we didn't have an Easter egg hunt or eat candy or play outside, was still fun. Simple and very one-on-two attention; we played together, and she helped me with a few chores. And when her dad woke up, it was two-for-two. Grace didn't care about any of the toys or books she received today: she only cared about attention and love from her parents.

That's what I'm taking forward into this Easter season - just as Christ gave himself to love, a love unto death - so I'm challenging myself to pay more attention. An accountability to Christ, who gave me my life and each sweet minute. To struggle more with him, rejoice more with him, and rest more with him. 

Laura wore:

hat & onesie: Vera Bradley Baby

Julie wore:

Top: Bravado nursing tank & cardigan (via consignment)

Necklace: Stella & Dot

Skirt: Ann Taylor (via ThredUp)

Bottoms: black tights & nude Steve Madden flats

My Lent was very sacrificial in necessary ways: new baby, less time/sleep, husband on night float ...

I want my Easter season to practice the renewal of spirit those struggles should produce. To free myself of the feeling of obligation, and to know that my duties are delights.

So, say it with me now: Alleluia! He is Risen!

{and:: linking with Fine Linen and Purple for the Easter Edition of What I Wore Sunday}

Reading as Enjoyment

"Those are the important things, the permanent things.  If you are not reading The Wind in the Willows as Theodore and Edith Roosevelt and their children were reading it, then you should not read it at all.  If you are turning Tom Sawyer into a linguistic exercise with a veneer of intellectual sophistication, then you should not read Tom Sawyer—in fact, you cannot have understood a blessed thing about Tom Sawyer.  If you are reading The Jungle Book for any other reason than to enter the jungle with Mowgli, Bagheera, and Baloo, then you had best stay out of the world of art, keep to your little cubbyhole, cram yourself with pointless exercises preparatory for the SAT, a job at Microsoft, creature comforts, old age, and death." --Anthony Esolen, How Common Core Devalues Great Literature

What is a favorite book to enjoy?

A Whole New Year for Grace

Today is the start of Advent, the Christian new year. It is St. Andrew's feast day (join me for the novena! starts today!), and it is Grace Harriet's one year anniversary of her baptism!

Grace was baptized at Our Lord Christ the King Catholic Church in Cincinnati, Ohio - the parish I received three of my four sacraments. She was baptized by our parish priest, who married Will and I just shy of a year earlier.

The quest of Christian parents is to raise their children in the faith- but what did that mean for us? Will and I have explored different avenues, especially where a baby - who is definitely not at the age of reason - is concerned. We want her to be exposed to the Christian life and community, so that she may come to know Christ personally and see him in all around her when she is old enough to comprehend and be able to accept Catholicism with reason.

Tonight, we are going to light her baptismal candle and say the following with/for her:

V. Do you reject Satan?
R. I do.
V. And all his works?
R. I do. 
V. And all his empty promises?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the Virgin Mary was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?
R. I do. 
V. Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting?
R. I do. 
V. God, the all-powerful Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has given us a new birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and forgiven all our sins. May he also keep us faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ for ever and ever.
R. Amen. 

We guide Grace to teach her about God, so that she may see truth through example and learning. Her father and I are still on our own spiritual journeys - and with Grace, we are given further incentive to seek goodness and God.

Happy new year in Christ, little daughter. May God continue to pour his blessings and mercy upon you!

Do you celebrate baptisms in your family? Or did you celebrate growing up? This is a new tradition we are starting in our family, and I am excited to see how the children like it as well in the years to come!