I'm a Christian and a Feminist: Come At Me, Bro.

As with any good discussion, we must agree on terms:

What is a Christian?

A follower of Jesus of Nazareth; a believer in his teachings, and a member of his church on earth. 

What is a feminist?

A person who supports women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.

What does a feminist believe?

Women should be equal to men, and if they are not, action should be taken to promote equality.

What is equality?

The state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.

Are we on the same page? Oh, goody. If you agree with the above, then you are a Christian and a feminist as well. If you do not think Christianity is compatible with feminism, then this is my ladysplainin' to why it's important (even if you don't identify with as a feminist, which is cool, yo).

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To start, let's start with a brief discussion of patriarchy, defined as a group organized by men as leaders; e.g. a lineage with the father or eldest male being the head of the family.

This is a neutral term. I do not have an overall issue with patriarchy: I believe in Apostolic succession, men as priests, and hey! I took my husband's last name.

There are so many issues I want to cover, but I need to stay concise.

I have an issue with patriarchy presented as anti-feminist. Feminists are not fire-breathing dragons which chivalrous knights need to slay to protect their womenfolk. Nay! Feminists are not a one size fits all group. Their common link is an active desire for the socio-political and economic equality of women and men. This noble cause does not mean all feminists are great people; but every organization needs a few a-holes for humility purposes.

Patriarch who was pro-women? Jesus. If you're a Christian, He's the guy (God) you want to listen to on this:

"Jesus, the founder of the faith, did indeed live in a male-dominated society, but he was radical in how he rebelled against the cultural values of his age. His treatment of women pushed far beyond his society’s boundaries to love and honor women in ways never before seen. The gospels tell of his extraordinary conduct towards women, which takes on a radical nature when considered in the context of the oppressive environment for women in the Ancient Middle East. By looking at Jesus’ actions through the proper lens, I want to demonstrate that Christianity was instituted with a profoundly pro-women attitude" (CJ Curtis, "Jesus and Women: Rebelling against Misogyny", The Augustine Collective).

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Next: we don't need feminism.

This is probably the most debatable amongst people who see more equality on a regular basis. For me, women got the right to vote less than 100 years ago. As much as we pride ourselves as progressive people, humans actually need at least 100 years for real change to occur organically - even with legislation supporting it.

My big (anecdotal) sticking point for why we need feminism is the blatant misogyny (defined as "dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women") which occurs against certain types of women. For example, feminists themselves. We can't accept that they have different ideas, so we call them fat, man-hating cows because that is a scientifically proven way to change a person's mind. And what about pro-life ladies? You mean, anti-abortion, anti-women nazis? Yep. We need to change the attitude and conversation there too.

Feminists have room for improvement too. And if you want to have a conversation, you need to show that you're genuinely interested in the person, not just making a point.

I am a conservative, and it greatly me that feminism is such a derisive idea - how else can we call for the preservation of a culture without the strength of women?!?

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The elephant in the room/ why people say Christians cannot be feminists: BUT FEMINISTS SUPPORT/ GET ABORTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Yes. And no. But yes. As a Christian, I am against abortions. As a feminist, I am against abortions. I am for preserving and protecting life at every stage - especially little women! Check out the female birth rates in China and India. Our tithing as the Baldwin family is mostly split between the church, the woman's shelter near our parish, and the homeless shelter down the street from the hospital.

Still. As a woman who has been pregnant three times... I get it. I do not agree with it, but I understand why women want other women to have access to abortions. I had three really hard pregnancies, even with all the medicine and support readily available to me. I know women deserve better. I want babies to go to loving homes. Will sees people who should not be parents have a lot of kids and the poverty cycles continue. It is truly heartbreaking. We need more empathy in the public discussion on this.

(And I'mma pause you right there if you start to move toward the comment box to mansplain or momsplain the gift of children to me. I know the beauty, and I know the sorrow, connected with my little human beings in my care. Will and I are dedicated to our children, and we're currently facing a reality that another child right now might emotionally break me because of my PPD. Unfortunately, not all women have amazing and supportive husbands like my own.)

So! Instead of viewing these women as selfish, start viewing these women as scared human beings; start seeing that these women need support and love; start acting like you give a damn about the woman in question; and most importantly, stop blaming the woman for getting pregnant. A woman is fertile about 6-8 days/month and a man is fertile every single day. Mhm.

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Abortion is wrong. Period. The pro-life movement tries to show that, but as I mentioned before, every movement has the a-holes which ruin the message for others. This is another reason why is it SO important for we, as Christian women and men, to stand up as feminists. We must be seen as allies, not enemies.

Feminists do not all agree. And that is okay. That is bi-partisanship. That is community. As my college friend Hannah commented on this issue,

"I'll refer you to a quote I love from Sarah Bessey's Jesus Feminist:
"As long as I know how important maternal health is to Haiti’s future, and as long as I know that women are being abused and raped, as long as I know girls are being denied life itself through selective abortion, abandonment, and abuse, as long as brave little girls in Afghanistan are attacked with acid for the crime of going to school, and until being a Christian is synonymous with doing something about these things, you can also call me a feminist.”
Because while it should be always synonymous, too often people twist Christianity to support agendas of abuse, neglect, and cruelty."

So, please. Enough with telling women that they should smile and they should radiate rainbows and never fart and look pretty and stop talking and sit down and always ask, Please, sir? Can I have another? Please. Just stop telling us what we can or cannot be. If you, dear reader, value equality, then you are not threatened by strong women. You can handle room for improvement. You encourage women in their pursuits and do not say, Thank God you are not like other women! Oh! NO. To be a woman is a far better experience than the way we dress or act or speak. The beauty of womanhood is in our sisterhood - our feminine genius, our creativity, our passion, our tribal protection of our own, our ambitions and our grit to right wrongs.

Our femininity does not detract from another's masculinity. We are not here to challenge. We are here to be ourselves and preserve ourselves. We are not here to ask permission to exist and have wants, needs and desires, or to serve. Feminism says, We can have all of these things. We can choose. We can choose to be a wife, we can choose to be a mother, we can choose to work, we can choose to travel, and our worth is not dictated by our actions or looks. We are DAUGHTERS of the Lord, and we laugh and dance because it pleases Him for us to be fully alive.

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My "rules" for this series are short (especially before commenting): this topic is personal and I am currently living in it. This is not an abstract for a dissertation. I do not have 20/20 hindsight yet. I don't need any medical advice, as I keep in close communication with my own PA + Dr., as well as being married to one. My husband and I practice many different types of coping mechanisms as well, which I will write about too. My situation is 100 percent unique and I am writing only about myself. These posts are directed at no one, and still, I am opening myself up to share my experiences. If I can help one person, it will be worth it. Please respect this adult conversation at face value.

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I Get By With A Little Help From My "Friends"

As a woman, I constantly need to be rescued. I can't say no. I do what I want, and if I can't, someone better give me the means to do it anyways. I am completely free and liberated!

Wait, what?

 I know what you're thinking: since when did liberation mean total dependence on the government?

Since... now! Welcome to 2012, baby! My name is Julie, not Julia, and I don't approve of this plan. Enjoy the show folks, and don't forget that your tax dollars paid for this govertisment.

Continue reading at The Imaginative Conservative>>>>>>>

Moral Decadence in Man

“For Paul, the moral decadence of society is nothing more than the logical consequence and the faithful reflection of this radical perversion. When man prefers his own egoism, his pride, and his convenience to the demands made on him by the truth, the only possible outcome is an upside-down existence. Adoration is due to God alone, but what is adored is no longer God; images, outward appearances, and current opinion have dominion over man.

This general alteration extends to every sphere of life. That which is against nature becomes the norm; the man who lives against he truth also lives against nature. His creativity is no longer at the service of the good: he devotes his genius to ever more refined forms of evil. The bonds between man and woman, and between parents and children, are dissolved, so that the very sources from which life springs are blocked up. It is no longer life that reigns, but death. A civilization of death is formed (Rom 1:21-32). The description of decadence that Paul sketches here astonishes us modern readers by its contemporary relevance.”

Padre Pio's stigmatas are a good reminder of our higher calling to God's way, not our own

and

“The knowledge of God has always existed. And everywhere in the history of religions, in various forms, we encounter the significant conflict between the knowledge of the one God and the attraction of other powers that are considered more dangerous or nearer at hand and, therefore, more important for man than the God who is distant mysterious.

All of history bears the traces of this strange dilemma between the non-violent, tranquil demands made by the truth, on the one hand, and the pressure brought to make profits and the need to have a good relationship with the powers that determine daily life by their interventions, on the other hand. Again and again, we see the victory of profit over truth, although the signs of the truth and of its own power never disappear completely. Indeed, they continue to live, often in surprising forms, in the very heart of a jungle full of poisonous plants.”

--Pope Benedict XVI, as Joseph Ratzinger; Christianity and the Crisis of Culture

Cootie Shots and Conundrums

TBM Topic 17: Emotional Chastity

"Cootie Shots and Conundrums" by Julie Robison
"Daydream Believers and Emotional Disasters" by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
"Easy Bake Love Story" by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

In the second grade, I received a cootie shot/ anti-boy inoculation from a retractable lead pencil. Don't worry, it was given to me by a professional- my seatmate had given them to nearly every other girl in the class too. From then on, I was (mostly) immune to male charms. I was one of the few girls still playing soccer with the boys in junior high. I focused on making good friends, both male and female, in high school. I was realistic about dating in college, following the sage wisdom of my parents: A date isn't a proposal. A dance isn't a commitment. Enjoying another person's company doesn't mean you're meant to be together forever.

Emotional chastity is about protecting your heart. It does not mean being unwilling to give it, but rather, give it selflessly, without regard to return. A perfect example of this is Elinor from Sense and Sensibility. She really liked Edward, but when she found out he was secretly engaged to another woman, she protected her feelings and let life play itself out. On the opposite side, her sister Marianne committed crimes of emotional exhibitionism. Fortunately, for us readers as well as both Dashwood sisters, true love wins out in the end.

I'll give a more probably example: menfolk as friends. I've never believed the old adage of "men and women can't be friends." I think such generalities are poppycock. Friendship, like love, is a choice and an action. Attraction, on the other hand, is not.

On of the biggest conundrums women face today is the acceptability of "friends with benefits." Girl meets guy. They become friends. They're not interested in each other, so they only pursue friendship. Then, something changes. They start to feel attracted towards each other. What then?

One of possibility is to pursue a relationship.

Another possibility is to have a mature conversation and decide friendship is the best course of action.

Then, there is technically a third option. Really, a fraction of a choice, an algebraic mixture of the above: the friendship as the core, plus the heart-break, minus the commitment, and plenty of unknown variables. Friends with benefits is possibly one of the worst violations of emotional chastity. The benefits are purely physical. It is a utilitarian friendship where two people seek something from the other person. Neither party will grow as a human being because humanity needs virtue and goodness, not consensual vices or an emulation of shallowness, to flourish.

Here are two recent Hollywood examples:

Exhibit A, "Friends with Benefits" (2011)



Exhibit B, "No Strings Attached" (2011)



I would like to point out that both movies involve the complication of falling in genuine love with the other person. Do you think anyone would want to watch the movie if the people only submitted to their animalistic natures, opposed to rising above the banal situation towards the true, goodness and beauty of Love?

What a conundrum the modern world is in! Even if one does not participate in the friends-with-benefits arena, watching these type of movies, reading chick lit and endlessly daydreaming about a future with someone you have not had that type of conversation with is hazardous to feminine mental health. The unrealistic expectations set up by thinking about handsome men and allowing one's mind to wander into fictional romance does not allow the heart to grow towards genuine love, which comes with time, honesty, purpose and virtue.

Self-control, therefore, is what is most needed in emotional chastity. It means not dwelling on the good times. It means not over-analyzing every word a cute guy said to you. It means not planning out one's future with the man you've started dating or just met. It is not easy, and requires constant vigilance. This does not mean one cannot enjoy romance, consider the future or giggle over cuteness. But people want mature love, which can only be achieved through pure intentions and not rushing into emotional bonds.

The best advice I've been given on the subject came from my bestie Julia, before I started dating B. It also happens to be the advice I gave her before she started dating her now-husband. To achieve happiness in life, you have to be content with yourself. More importantly, though, you have to be content with your situation.

If you are single and praying every night for love to find you, I suggest praying instead for God to give you purpose in your singleness. This, like most things, may only be a season, and use it as a way to serve God more fully. If you feel called towards the vocation of marriage, God will provide.

If you're still feeling like you're in a pickle, I suggest an old-school cootie shot. All you need is a #2 retractable pencil and a second grader to administer a dose of perspective!