Triduum 2016

On Holy Saturday, my SIL, Will and I took the girls to our local park while the in-laws took well-deserved naps. It was sunny and beautiful, and extra special since Aunt E has not seen Laura walk around the park yet.

Grace's favorite part? Swings with Dad.

On Easter morning, Grace went right for her basket and made her mama proud by going straight for the Peeps.

After breakfast, I handed Laura her basket. New jammies!

Hooray! Easter grass! Everywhere!

After mass - Will worked later in the day, so no bleary-eyed smiles after a night shift this year! 

Another one with my sweet in-laws!

The rest of the day was very low-key. Will went to work. Grace was not feeling well, and the Easter egg hunt lasted... 5-10 minutes. Grace found a few and was satisfied; Laura found a few, and then a few more in Grace's basket. 

I was in total denial about going back to work the next day and ate a box of peeps.

Happy Easter, indeed. Here's to new life!

From Catholic Online:

"In his Epistle to the Colossians, St. Paul says 'If then you were raised with Christ, seek what is above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Think of what is above, not of what is on earth'". However, Benedict XVI emphasized, the apostle "is far from inviting Christians, any of us, to shun the world in which God has placed us. It is true that we are citizens of another 'city', our true home, but the path toward this goal must be traversed every day in this land. To participate, from this moment, in the life of the resurrected Christ, we must live as new men and women in this world, at the heart of this earthly city." 

"This is the path to transform not only ourselves but also to transform the world, to give the city a new face that favors the development of humankind and society within the logic of solidarity, goodness, and profound respect for the dignity proper to each ... Easter offers the newness of a profound and complete passage from a life subject to the slavery of sin to a life of freedom, inspired by love, the force that breaks down barriers and builds new harmony in our hearts and in our relationships with others and with things." 

Every Christian, just as every community, "that lives the experience of this passage to the Resurrection, cannot help but be new leaven in the world giving themselves without reserve to the most urgent and just causes, as seen by the witness of the saints in every age and place. The expectations of our time are also great: believing firmly that the resurrection of Christ has renewed humankind without separating it from the world in which it builds its history, we Christians must be the radiant witnesses of Easter's new path". 

"Easter is, therefore, a gift that must be welcomed in faith more deeply each time, to work in any situation with the grace of Christ, according to the logic of God, the logic of love". --Pope Benedict XVI, Easter 2011

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They Call Today "Good"

Every Triduum, starting with Maundy Thursday through Easter Sunday, I re-read T.S. Eliot’s “The Four Quartets”. It is four of his best poems, and for anyone who only knows his poetry ala in “The Hollow Man” or “The Wasteland” (critiques of modernity, not praise), his words may be surprising.

For instance, it is in “East Coker”, the second of the quartet, in which Eliot wrote,

The dripping blood our only drink,

The bloody flesh our only food:

In spite of which we like to think

That we are sound, substantial flesh and blood—

Again, in spite of that, we call this Friday good.

How can this Friday be good? Today Jesus was denied, whipped, humiliated, crucified. And why? In today’s gospel, John remind us that all this happens to fulfill the Scriptures. Jesus accepted the cup his father passed him – he accepted, fully, what must happen. Did he have the power to prove himself, as Satan tempted him to in the desert? Of course. But the hardness of the high priests should not be softened by might, but by truth.

What is truth? asked Pilate; a question so modern still that audiences cannot help but relate. Good Friday is the day when Jesus seems the most human. He is condemned and he dies. We are reminded in the second reading that “we do not have a high priest/ who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,/ but one who has similarly been tested in every way,/ yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

Indeed, as the reading continues (Heb 5:7-9):

In the days when Christ was in the flesh,

he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears

to the one who was able to save him from death,

and he was heard because of his reverence.

Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;

and when he was made perfect,

he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.

The goodness of this day lies in Jesus’ very passion for us all; a love to conquer death, a truth that “I AM” is a witness as well as a declaration. Today, the veil has been torn and we enter Golgotha, the place of skulls. The King of the Jews is dead, and so Eliot finishes his poem: “In the end is my beginning.”

Today was hard. Today was terrible. Today was good. We wait. The tomb is close by…

{Published at Ignitum Today}

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Life is Pain, Highness.

Teaching is hard. Motherhood is hard. Residency life is hard.

How do you develop a shell while still remaining soft to the world? I'm still learning.

For as hard as intern year was (adjustment-wise), second year has been harder. Part of that has been the growing pains of our family. Part of that has been with our jobs. Part of that is the daily wear and tear of parenting + due diligence with therapy. The other part is laundry. WASH AND FOLD YOURSELF LAUNDRY.

I've had a few tough parent situations this school year - we just never saw eye to eye. I still don't quite understand why everything was perceived so singularly; I try really hard to be available and patient, so when something else happens... it hurts, a lot. I was crying on the couch when Will got home from another long shift. His last patient overdosed and was probably gone by the time the ambulance arrived. He ran a full code. Then, calling the family. There was a lot of grieving; doctors are not immune to that kind of pain, even if they seem unswayed. They have a job to do.

He told me I needed to close my computer, not reply, and move on. I did my job. My boss told me I was fine, so what was the point of re-hashing? Because I care, and I don't understand, and I love my job, and I love teaching my students, I cry. Will fills in the blanks: Do your job, learn from your mistakes, and move on - you're never going to make everyone happy.

The Man in Black said it best: "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." This doesn't mean we should relish our pain, or feel constant sorrow; but acknowledging it as reality, and pushing on, past the doubts and discouragements. Life is beautiful. I see it in Laura's cheesy grins, smelling fresh air, Grace calling out "mama!!" when I come downstairs, life with Will. Life is worth living. Not in spite of the pain, or even because of it, but with it, in communion. To know pain means to also know happiness, health, love and virtue.

As a Christian, especially one during this Lenten season, I can't help reflecting (begging God) and praying the Litany of Humility. 

**

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted; deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged; deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected; deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I: Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it!

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease: Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it!

That others may be chosen and I set aside: Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it!

That others may be praised and I unnoticed: Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it!

That others may be preferred to me in everything: Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it!

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should: Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it!

How is the end of your Lent going? I'm looking forward to my last couple of classes, my in-laws arriving, finishing my grading, and spending part of spring break on vacation with my darling husband before Paschal Triduum with my in-laws and our daughters.

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Nothing is so beautiful as Spring

As of Laura's birthday post, I've only posted seven times this year. This definitely bums me out; and still, 2016 continues to be really hard for any sort of normal writing schedule.

With a HUGE fingers crossed, Will and I are not going to wake up in the middle of the night (again) to Grace sobbing and more vomit to clean up. It seems the February flu we had is reappearing in March. Today is day 5. Laura is on day 6 for ear drops and antibiotic from a flu-caused perforated ear drum. Will and I have had twinges of nausea, which definitely does not help the food aversions/ anxiety/ exhaustion departments. Anyways. Typical Lent! Always more opportunities to offer it (all) up and unite ourselves with Christ.

(Bebe Baldwin is doing really great, by the way. Super active!)

The sun came out today, and after my AP US class today, the girls and I decided to enjoy the promise of Spring and rebirth. First time Laura was let loose in our backyard, which means she immediately took off towards the busy street once she figured out the right direction. Grace collected wee pinecones until we retired to the porch to play in the sandbox and enjoy the first swing of the season.

But first:

"Spring" by Gerard Manley Hopkins

Nothing is so beautiful as Spring –         

   When weeds, in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush;         

   Thrush’s eggs look little low heavens, and thrush         

Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring         

The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing;

   The glassy peartree leaves and blooms, they brush         

   The descending blue; that blue is all in a rush         

With richness; the racing lambs too have fair their fling.         

What is all this juice and all this joy?         

   A strain of the earth’s sweet being in the beginning

In Eden garden. – Have, get, before it cloy,         

   Before it cloud, Christ, lord, and sour with sinning,         

Innocent mind and Mayday in girl and boy,         

   Most, O maid’s child, thy choice and worthy the winning.   

May the sunshine touch your face too this week.

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Learning the New, Building the Now

This past weekend, we went to Will's advising attending's house for lunch. Just Will and I - we were going to take Grace, but at the last minute, decided the windchill was too cold and time with Nana would be better spent.

Will's attending is a very interesting man - he did two residencies: one in internal medicine, then one in emergency medicine. His wife is from Japan, where she was a critical care nurse. They have one son, who is obviously very loved.

A woodpecker in the Poconos

They have two bird feeders outside their dining room window, and I was amazed at how they could identify those birds so quickly. Will can too - as part of homeschooling, they tracked birds for Cornell. I've always loved bird watching, but know very little about it. I've been on the Audubon website a lot recently, enjoying John Audubon's plates as well as trying to learn how to identify more birds in this region. Our neighbors have about 11 bird feeders, so we see a multitude of birds every day outside our windows.

I also liked learning that his attending has taken piano lessons for the past six years. It reminded me of the line from Robert Frost's "The Death of the Hired Man": "He studied Latin like the violin/ Because he liked it".

This Lent, my personal sacrifice is keeping a spiritual art journal each day, based on the day's mass readings. It sounds like fun: it's really hard for me. It's a sacrifice of time and pride. Just ten minutes. Seems harder than it should be.

My other Lenten sacrifice is daily rosary with Will, though I'm peetering on this commitment because he won't be home for most of Lent. I need to be stronger here - Lent is the devil's playground for spiritual attacks. I need more prayer.

I couldn't decide how to write this without sounding overdramatic, but I am really not looking forward to March -- which is a shame, because March is my favorite month. My mom will be here the first two weeks in March, my birthday and Will's birthday are in March, St. Patrick's feast day and St. Joseph's feast day (and more!), and it'll be the first month with our sweet second baby.

But Will won't be home. He'll be in the SICU 14-16 hours/ day, and just thinking about his January month in the MICU still ties my stomach up in knots, and I'm going through it all over again with two babies. Appropriate, perhaps, that most of my 40 days march through Lent will be giving up my dependence on my husband's help.

It makes me angry, and anger makes me sad. Residency makes me feel like a single parent whose significant other stops by for dinner. Maybe this is an unfair comparison.

I've been meditating on these lines, also from Frost's "The Death of the Hired Man" poem:

“Warren," she said, “he has come home to die:
You needn’t be afraid he’ll leave you this time.”          

“Home," he mocked gently.

“Yes, what else but home?
It all depends on what you mean by home.
Of course he’s nothing to us, any more
Than was the hound that came a stranger to us          
Out of the woods, worn out upon the trail.”

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in.”  

I am trying to learn this new life. I am trying. And in learning to love the skies I am under, I am reminded of the Trinity. I am not in this marriage alone, or even with only Will. When we got married, we were married before God, and asked for his blessing. We invited him to always be with us. And when I'm sinking, why don't I reach for God enough?

I am sitting quietly in our home, our domestic church. My protruding belly has me leaning forward a bit more, and my back aches accordingly. In my tiredness, I am broken. In my fear, I am alive. Through my tears, I am washed anew. As I watch the birds outside our dining room windows, I smile at God's goodness. There are so many different birds, so many types within the same species. Humans are made in the image of God, and his creations are made in the image of extended glory. We cannot fathom the diversity of his goodness. We'll never know the depth of his mercy. He's always welcoming us home, bidding us to be with him in every moment.

God, you teach me so much.

Lent: More Than Just a Season of Temptation

by Marianne Robison
{originally posted at UC's Newman Center blog}

I cannot remember a time when Girl Scout cookies did not arrive during Lent. Sitting smugly in their brightly colored cardboard boxes they seemed to mock my Lenten sacrifice, which, for many years, was invariably “no sweets.” In those moments I would begrudge the necessary self-denial of the Lenten season as well as all of the temptations which would inevitably ensue. It had seemed so easy to give something that I liked up on Ash Wednesday, but as the weeks progressed my resolve weakened. Growing up I wasn’t entirely certain how my sacrifice primed me for Easter besides the fact that I would be good and ready to stuff my face with chocolate when the holiday arrived.

Sometime in the last few years I realized that something was lacking in my understanding and in my approach to Lent. After all, this season is considered the pinnacle of the Catholic calendar year. It is during this time that we ought not to feel burdened (i.e. by our self-denial); rather, we ought to feel liberated as we strip ourselves of those vices which bind us more closely to the material things of the world than to a spiritual relationship with our Father in Heaven.

For, truly, that is the purpose of the Lenten season: to grow in love and appreciation of God.

We have marked 40 days of our calendar year as different from all the rest, and this is because this period of time is filled with spiritual opportunities. First and foremost, we have the opportunity to renew our appreciation of the ultimate sacrifice of love the world has ever seen. As we let the incredible significance of Jesus’ conquest over death sink in, we have the opportunity to find a new perspective on our lives and on our relationships and to remind ourselves once again that love conquers all.

Ideally, the period of Lent should be treated as a kind of extended retreat as we strip ourselves of those worldly things which may ensnare and enslave us. That being said, I know as well as any college student (or adult for that matter) that time stops for no man and that our responsibilities and obligations will not be reduced during this time period. Our to-do lists will not spontaneously shrink so as to accommodate time dedicated to prayer, since prayer is an activity which requires a definitive allotment of time to focus your energies towards God.

Or is it?

Certainly, focused contemplative prayer is extraordinarily useful in developing a deeper, more intimate bond with God, but the commitment and mental dedication for such an activity can often be so intimidating as to prevent us from engaging with God at all. We may shy away from the activity unless we are in the right mood or mindset. However, as Blessed John Henry Newman once said, “[Faith] is not a mere temporary strong act or impetuous feeling of the mind... but it is a habit, a state of mind, lasting and consistent.” (Magnificat, February 2015)

To build our relationship with God, the first step is to recognize that He exists beyond the prayer space. Once we realize that God’s spirit permeates every nook and cranny of this earth, we will also realize that every space is sacred. If every space is sacred that would mean that no matter where we are we are prompted to sanctify our actions.

So, this brings me to the meat and potatoes of my advice to my dear readers approaching this Lenten season, and which is stated most eloquently in the words of Saint Paul in the second reading on Sunday: “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Life may be characterized by nonstop activity, and I say this both in the sense of working adults as well as in the sense of biology. Organisms constantly interact with one another and all of the little cells in our bodies are constantly influencing each other simply because they exist together. It is in this ebb and flow of interaction that we can recognize the glory of God’s spirit as it prompts relationship between all of the elements of our world. The tiniest element of our world—an atom—moves aimlessly around until it bumps into another atom and then voila! The two become one in an entirely new molecule!

We humans are not so different from the rest of God’s creation as it is in our constant activity that we bond with others and grow as a result of our union. Granted, spiritual bonds are different things entirely from the kind of molecular bonds which I was talking about earlier, but the illustration is still useful. The point is that God created us all to be active creatures and our activity may therefore be blessed if it is done with a sense of appreciation and love for our creator.

I am here drawing upon the spiritual practices of Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection who “resolved to make the love of God the end of all his actions.” I would try to paraphrase some of his beautiful ideas, but he speaks far more eloquently than I can in his novel published posthumously and titled, The Practice of the Presence of God:

“Men invent means and methods of coming at God’s love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love... Is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for love of him?” 

“The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer, and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knees at the Blessed Sacrament.” (Magnificat, February 2015)

It is up for us this Lent to open ourselves to encountering God both in the quiet stillness of our hearts as well as in the business of everyday life.

Marianne is my hilarious, holy and helpful second sister (the fourth of us six kids); she is a double major in biology and English, with a minor in Spanish because we can't convince her to triple major.

Momily Monday: Thirsting for God

First Reading: Exodus 17:3-7
Psalm: Psalm 95
Second Reading: Romans 5:1-2, 5-8
Gospel: John 4:5-42

I sit here with jelly on my shirt because Grace had to be held while I made lunch. Sure, I could have put her down, but she was wailing and there is only so much crying I can take in a day. Plus, Will was sleeping since he got up with her at 5 a.m., so I think he deserved a bit of quiet before class and his research meeting.

It also gave me a taste of what life is going start feeling like - just Grace and me, keeping the house life going, while Will is mostly at work or sleeping. I've been spoiled by these past eight months of living in New Orleans - Will and I spend so much more time together, and I love it; but the time has come.

On Friday, Will found out that he got a job as an Emergency Medicine resident in Pennsylvania. We will be moving there in June so than he may continue his clinical medical training as a doctor, and we are simply over the moon! We are grateful! We are... continuing to be open to God's will for our family.

What does that even mean? Will likes to press to me. There is no way of knowing God's will; no empirical method of trust. In the first reading, God spoke to Moses while his people grumbled, and instructed him to strike the rock so that the people can drink. I felt a rush of emotions listening to this reading - who has not felt the familiar human emotion of anxiety? Nothing is secure; nothing is guaranteed - except the love of God.

But what of those who reject God? "If today your hear his voice, harden not your hearts," we sang. Our own thoughts cloud any wisdom God could give us if we would stop talking to him long enough to listen.

Listen?! Well, hear this, God!

We get angry when we feel disappointed, or shut out, or rejected. I trusted in you God - you didn't answer me. Okay, you answered, but I wanted a different answer.

Hope is what we humans must never lose. Hope in ourselves and our abilities; hope in others and their possibilities; and hope, always, in God. I love the passage in Romans 5 which says "we boast in hope of the glory of God."

My God is an awesome God. When Will and I were newly married, entering one more year of school for one more degree, pregnant, and living decidedly off savings, we had a lot of emotions. A lot of anticipation for the future; we clung to each other, trusting that we would both do what we needed to do. But mostly, we hoped and dreamed. We hoped moving down here would benefit us in the match: and it did. We hope getting married will help us two sinners get to heaven, and in the meantime, we hope to never give up communicating well, growing in love, and pursuing truth.

We do not boast of ourselves - we boast in the hope of the glory of God!

The story of the Samaritan woman hit me close to my heart. I think of all the opportunities I miss to spend time with Jesus. I get so caught up with Grace and chores and work, and then it's the middle of the afternoon, and I'm catching up on reading and the daily readings, trying to catch up with Scripture, slow down, and maybe eat a snack.

Today I felt thirsty, literally and for Christ. I felt like the woman at the well, going about her life, making mistakes but not really letting them sink in until she is face-to-face with Christ, who already knows. He forgives her and implores her to give him water, to be equally generous with him as he is with her. She is confused (and who wouldn't be?) and I love the way Christ pulls her in, planting a hope in her that makes her go back to her town and witness for Christ.

I love this testimony of Mark Wahlberg, an actor and a Catholic, who grew up rough, went to jail, and met Christ through a priest at the jail. He goes to church every day to start his day, and his words are just beautiful:



The Holy Spirit works with every person, drawing each closer to him, and when we unharden our hearts toward God - if we open ourselves to hope - then we too can say, "We no longer believe because of your word; for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is truly the savior of the world."

Lent: Spiritual and the Physical Needs

TBM Topic #39: Lent

At Ash Wednesday service, Father spoke about Lent being a time of positive change, not just avoiding sweets. I really took this to heart, as no sweets + {spiritual discipline} is my go-to Lenten offering.

This year, I am going in a different path: discipline.

Oh, how I need more discipline! I am distracted and focused and productive, but not disciplined. I am working on discipline because it is accountability. It is understanding that I am responsible for me. It is me taking care of me (with the help of others, mainly Will and God); it is acknowledging my weakness and offering it all up to Christ, who is the only one who gives me the grace and strength I need each day.

My Lenten Disciplines

• Confession every two weeks (minimum)
• Rosary every night with Will
• Forgiving a person who hurt me in the past
• Bed by 11 p.m.
• Exercise 3x/ week (minimum)

First, the spiritual disciplines:

Confession and rosary are two spiritual disciplines we (as a couple and as a family) have been trying to do more often, and Lent is providing a wonderful opportunity for us to be more serious about it. We usually combine a nice long walk with saying the rosary, which helps with the weekly exercise goal too.

In addition to the rosary, I like using Scripture for a deeper and more meditative prayer. For Christmas, my father gave all of his kids a small book entitled The Scriptural Rosary: A Modern Version of the Way the Rosary was Once Prayed Throughout Western Europe in the Late Middle Ages and it gorgeous. {My dad bought it at the local Catholic book store - the link works too.}

Forgiveness of said person is the one only I can solve with Christ. I have verbalized it to that person (not always the answer for difficult situations, but it was appropriate for this one), and from there, I learn to let go and forgive so that this life is not filled with the regret that anger and grudges often weighs heavily against the grudger more than the accused.

By victimizing one's circumstances, even if justified, it can cripple one's ability to truly experience life. There will still be hurts and disappointments, but there will also be more causes for joy and love. It is about switching one's mindset from victim to survivor. It is about meaning the words when I pray "and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

I can say that, while all is not solved, Christ has already given me so much peace in my heart that was certainly not there before; he has given me a second chance at a better relationship with said person and him too, whose love I was not fully accepting because my anger kept me at bay. Since letting go, I am freer. I am happier. I am more at peace. I wish this for all struggling to forgive, or feel forgiven.


'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far/ And grace will lead me home.

Now, physical discipline:

I really struggle in these areas. Tell me not to eat that cookie, fine. Mastered.

But bed by 11 p.m.?

Yeah, that has hardly happened yet. I get so excited at Grace being asleep that I do ALL THE THINGS!!! Nonetheless, Will's been giving me the "sleep when your baby sleeps" speech, because I am a mess in the morning. We are moving into sleep training, but once 5 a.m. hits, all bets are off. Grace is so happy to be alive and is ready to groove. I am staring at her through bleary eyes because I stayed up too late.

Tonight is another night, right?

Grace in the morning. So happy and ready to go!

Which moves me into exercise... one reason I stay up is because I have all my energy at night, and the horrible staying up cycle continues. I love being active; I hate feeling like I am out of shape or too tired to even go on a walk. I try to keep up with postpartum exercise videos, but it's so beautiful outside, and I want to get more cardio. I am currently using the Couch to 5k app, and that is a wonderful motivator for me. I've been given a glorious body, and I would hate to waste it and all its potential because I do not make its upkeep a priority.

The quote for last night's walk/run was "The longest journey begins with a small step taken by a brave person."

That is what Lent is: a small step towards our longer life journey. Lent is not about getting beach-bod ready or other external fixes; it's about internal. It's a way of the cross. It's taking up our own cross. It's saying, These are my human weaknesses, Jesus (as you already know): I acknowledge them, and I offer them up to you during these 40 days.

**

Join the Bright Maidens on Facebook and follow us on Twitter! Let us know what you are doing this Lent!

**

Bonus discipline: being careful with our food budget, and giving the saved funds to the Catholic Relief Services Rice Bowl Fund! Look for the small things you can do in your life, not the big motions. Giving $20 is better than giving nothing because you cannot give hundreds of dollars.

#ashtag: Lent 2014

Two crosses for us and one Simba swipe for Grace this morning...

The ciiiiiiiiiiircle of liiiiiiiiiife... 

First Things shared an article about being anti-#ashtag, and I must admit, I'm against being anti-#ashtag (a double passive negative? Whatever.) because, contrary to the argument of the author, I do not see the problem with taking pictures/ selfies of wearing ashes. I see it as evangelization.

Wearing ashes are not contrary to today's gospel of people standing publicly to pray and thus receiving their just rewards - it's a public witness. Buzzfeed, for example, posted "Christians Mark Ash Wednesday With #AshTag Selfies" -- and I got to see Fr. Jack, the fantastic priest at my high school, with seven Ursuline Academy students laughing and smiling behind him, as well as many other non-cloistered Christians. 

The importance of wearing one's ashes is never lost on me when I remember waiting for a flight in the Detroit airport during college on Ash Wednesday. I was going to a conference somewhere, waiting with a thick black cross on my forehead. A young girl walked up to me and asked if I had a tattoo on my forehead. She was from L.A and she had never seen ashes before, and explaining why I had them on my forehead was a humbling and surreal experience.

We are dust, and to dust we will return. A sobering and serious thought - and one shared by a community of believers. Why shouldn't that community share our beliefs in a fun and public way? It is one thing to say we are sinners; it is another to wear physical ash as a reminder for all to see- marked for Christ, we share in the humiliation. Our sorrow can become joy, even! A sacramental with real reactions. 

"During a traditional Ash Wednesday service, ashes are applied to the worshiper’s forehead (the “imposition”) in the shape of a cross. In Scripture ashes or dust symbolize mortality (Gen. 18:27), mourning (Est. 4:3), judgment (Lam. 3:16), and repentance (Jon. 3:6). An ashen cross serves as a reminder that you come from dust and to dust you shall return one day. It is also a call to “Consider yourself dead to sin and alive in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 6:11). 

As you begin this journey of Lent, you must start with rending your heart—tearing it from self-absorption and binding yourself (mind and devotion) to Jesus. Regardless of your current state or your proneness to wander, you must “Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love” (Joel 2:13).  

After all, Lent is not about your faithfulness, but rather about the faithfulness of Jesus on your behalf. He is the faithful One!"  

-Journey to the Cross, Day 1, Ash Wednesday

Part of our Confirmation promises is to be a soldier for Christ - soldiering does not mean one is militant, but present. Wearing one's ashes and sharing them with others connects the vines of Christ, and plants seeds along the way too.

Suffering and Holy Saturday

"Now we stand at the threshold of the Easter Triduum. And perhaps we feel we have not made the best use of Lent. We bear a secret guilt like Judas, the betrayer, did. Betrayal is especially grievous, for the one who betrays turns against someone close to him -- someone with whom he is intimate. Indeed, Christ precisely identifies Judas as the one 'who has dipped his hand into the dish with me.' (Mt 26: 23). Through his death, Christ has invited all of us to such intimacy. He comes close to us. He draws us into the inner circle. And yet, like Judas, we so often refuse his offer and turn against him. How many times do we choose our own justifications over his will? We prefer to 'win,' to be right, to have the final say. And if that doesn't work, there is always that last desperate shot at having it our way: despair. Despairing, we make our own dark interpretation of the future a reality. And we find ourselves alone. Like Judas, we choose loneliness. But there is another option before us now: Mary. Judas chooses loneliness. Mary chooses to stay. Standing at the foot of the cross, her heart is pierced with his. We too can join our deepest sufferings to his. Suddenly, we are no longer alone."

- Lisa Lickona

The reflection above (based on Matthew 26: 14-25) is from the Magnificat Lenten Companion entry for Wednesday of Holy Week.

We Call This Friday Good

Catholic Mass Readings for Friday, March 29th, 2013

First Reading

Is 52:13--53:12
See, my servant shall prosper,
he shall be raised high and greatly exalted.
Even as many were amazed at him--
so marred was his look beyond human semblance
and his appearance beyond that of the sons of man--
so shall he startle many nations,
because of him kings shall stand speechless;
for those who have not been told shall see,
those who have not heard shall ponder it.

Who would believe what we have heard?
To whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up like a sapling before him,
like a shoot from the parched earth;
there was in him no stately bearing to make us look at him,
nor appearance that would attract us to him.
He was spurned and avoided by people,
a man of suffering, accustomed to infirmity,
one of those from whom people hide their faces,
spurned, and we held him in no esteem.

Yet it was our infirmities that he bore,
our sufferings that he endured,
while we thought of him as stricken,
as one smitten by God and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our offenses,
crushed for our sins;
upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole,
by his stripes we were healed.
We had all gone astray like sheep,
each following his own way;
but the LORD laid upon him
the guilt of us all.

Though he was harshly treated, he submitted
and opened not his mouth;
like a lamb led to the slaughter
or a sheep before the shearers,
he was silent and opened not his mouth.
Oppressed and condemned, he was taken away,
and who would have thought any more of his destiny?
When he was cut off from the land of the living,
and smitten for the sin of his people,
a grave was assigned him among the wicked
and a burial place with evildoers,
though he had done no wrong
nor spoken any falsehood.
But the LORD was pleased
to crush him in infirmity.

If he gives his life as an offering for sin,
he shall see his descendants in a long life,
and the will of the LORD shall be accomplished through him.

Because of his affliction
he shall see the light in fullness of days;
through his suffering, my servant shall justify many,
and their guilt he shall bear.
Therefore I will give him his portion among the great,
and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty,
because he surrendered himself to death
and was counted among the wicked;
and he shall take away the sins of many,
and win pardon for their offenses.

Responsorial Psalm

Ps 31:2, 6, 12-13, 15-16, 17, 25
R. (Lk 23:46) Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.
In you, O LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice rescue me.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, O LORD, O faithful God.
R. Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.
For all my foes I am an object of reproach,
a laughingstock to my neighbors, and a dread to my friends;
they who see me abroad flee from me.
I am forgotten like the unremembered dead;
I am like a dish that is broken.
R. Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.
But my trust is in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God.
In your hands is my destiny; rescue me
from the clutches of my enemies and my persecutors."
R. Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.
Let your face shine upon your servant;
save me in your kindness.
Take courage and be stouthearted,
all you who hope in the LORD.
R. Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.

Second Reading

Heb 4:14-16; 5:7-9
Brothers and sisters:
Since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens,
Jesus, the Son of God,
let us hold fast to our confession.
For we do not have a high priest
who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,
but one who has similarly been tested in every way,
yet without sin.
So let us confidently approach the throne of grace
to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help.

In the days when Christ was in the flesh,
he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears
to the one who was able to save him from death,
and he was heard because of his reverence.
Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;
and when he was made perfect,
he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.

Gospel

Jn 18:1--19:42
Jesus went out with his disciples across the Kidron valley
to where there was a garden,
into which he and his disciples entered.
Judas his betrayer also knew the place,
because Jesus had often met there with his disciples.
So Judas got a band of soldiers and guards
from the chief priests and the Pharisees
and went there with lanterns, torches, and weapons.
Jesus, knowing everything that was going to happen to him,
went out and said to them, "Whom are you looking for?"
They answered him, "Jesus the Nazorean."
He said to them, "I AM."
Judas his betrayer was also with them.
When he said to them, "I AM, "
they turned away and fell to the ground.
So he again asked them,
"Whom are you looking for?"
They said, "Jesus the Nazorean."
Jesus answered,
"I told you that I AM.
So if you are looking for me, let these men go."
This was to fulfill what he had said,
"I have not lost any of those you gave me."
Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it,
struck the high priest's slave, and cut off his right ear.
The slave's name was Malchus.
Jesus said to Peter,
"Put your sword into its scabbard.
Shall I not drink the cup that the Father gave me?"

So the band of soldiers, the tribune, and the Jewish guards seized Jesus,
bound him, and brought him to Annas first.
He was the father-in-law of Caiaphas,
who was high priest that year.
It was Caiaphas who had counseled the Jews
that it was better that one man should die rather than the people.

Simon Peter and another disciple followed Jesus.
Now the other disciple was known to the high priest,
and he entered the courtyard of the high priest with Jesus.
But Peter stood at the gate outside.
So the other disciple, the acquaintance of the high priest,
went out and spoke to the gatekeeper and brought Peter in.
Then the maid who was the gatekeeper said to Peter,
"You are not one of this man's disciples, are you?"
He said, "I am not."
Now the slaves and the guards were standing around a charcoal fire
that they had made, because it was cold,
and were warming themselves.
Peter was also standing there keeping warm.

The high priest questioned Jesus
about his disciples and about his doctrine.
Jesus answered him,
"I have spoken publicly to the world.
I have always taught in a synagogue
or in the temple area where all the Jews gather,
and in secret I have said nothing. Why ask me?
Ask those who heard me what I said to them.
They know what I said."
When he had said this,
one of the temple guards standing there struck Jesus and said,
"Is this the way you answer the high priest?"
Jesus answered him,
"If I have spoken wrongly, testify to the wrong;
but if I have spoken rightly, why do you strike me?"
Then Annas sent him bound to Caiaphas the high priest.

Now Simon Peter was standing there keeping warm.
And they said to him,
"You are not one of his disciples, are you?"
He denied it and said,
"I am not."
One of the slaves of the high priest,
a relative of the one whose ear Peter had cut off, said,
"Didn't I see you in the garden with him?"
Again Peter denied it.
And immediately the cock crowed.

Then they brought Jesus from Caiaphas to the praetorium.
It was morning.
And they themselves did not enter the praetorium,
in order not to be defiled so that they could eat the Passover.
So Pilate came out to them and said,
"What charge do you bring against this man?"
They answered and said to him,
"If he were not a criminal,
we would not have handed him over to you."
At this, Pilate said to them,
"Take him yourselves, and judge him according to your law."
The Jews answered him,
"We do not have the right to execute anyone, "
in order that the word of Jesus might be fulfilled
that he said indicating the kind of death he would die.
So Pilate went back into the praetorium
and summoned Jesus and said to him,
"Are you the King of the Jews?"
Jesus answered,
"Do you say this on your own
or have others told you about me?"
Pilate answered,
"I am not a Jew, am I?
Your own nation and the chief priests handed you over to me.
What have you done?"
Jesus answered,
"My kingdom does not belong to this world.
If my kingdom did belong to this world,
my attendants would be fighting
to keep me from being handed over to the Jews.
But as it is, my kingdom is not here."
So Pilate said to him,
"Then you are a king?"
Jesus answered,
"You say I am a king.
For this I was born and for this I came into the world,
to testify to the truth.
Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."
Pilate said to him, "What is truth?"

When he had said this,
he again went out to the Jews and said to them,
"I find no guilt in him.
But you have a custom that I release one prisoner to you at Passover.
Do you want me to release to you the King of the Jews?"
They cried out again,
"Not this one but Barabbas!"
Now Barabbas was a revolutionary.

Then Pilate took Jesus and had him scourged.
And the soldiers wove a crown out of thorns and placed it on his head,
and clothed him in a purple cloak,
and they came to him and said,
"Hail, King of the Jews!"
And they struck him repeatedly.
Once more Pilate went out and said to them,
"Look, I am bringing him out to you,
so that you may know that I find no guilt in him."
So Jesus came out,
wearing the crown of thorns and the purple cloak.
And he said to them, "Behold, the man!"
When the chief priests and the guards saw him they cried out,
"Crucify him, crucify him!"
Pilate said to them,
"Take him yourselves and crucify him.
I find no guilt in him."
The Jews answered,
"We have a law, and according to that law he ought to die,
because he made himself the Son of God."
Now when Pilate heard this statement,
he became even more afraid,
and went back into the praetorium and said to Jesus,
"Where are you from?"
Jesus did not answer him.
So Pilate said to him,
"Do you not speak to me?
Do you not know that I have power to release you
and I have power to crucify you?"
Jesus answered him,
"You would have no power over me
if it had not been given to you from above.
For this reason the one who handed me over to you
has the greater sin."
Consequently, Pilate tried to release him; but the Jews cried out,
"If you release him, you are not a Friend of Caesar.
Everyone who makes himself a king opposes Caesar."

When Pilate heard these words he brought Jesus out
and seated him on the judge's bench
in the place called Stone Pavement, in Hebrew, Gabbatha.
It was preparation day for Passover, and it was about noon.
And he said to the Jews,
"Behold, your king!"
They cried out,
"Take him away, take him away! Crucify him!"
Pilate said to them,
"Shall I crucify your king?"
The chief priests answered,
"We have no king but Caesar."
Then he handed him over to them to be crucified.

So they took Jesus, and, carrying the cross himself,
he went out to what is called the Place of the Skull,
in Hebrew, Golgotha.
There they crucified him, and with him two others,
one on either side, with Jesus in the middle.
Pilate also had an inscription written and put on the cross.
It read,
"Jesus the Nazorean, the King of the Jews."
Now many of the Jews read this inscription,
because the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city;
and it was written in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek.
So the chief priests of the Jews said to Pilate,
"Do not write 'The King of the Jews,'
but that he said, 'I am the King of the Jews'."
Pilate answered,
"What I have written, I have written."

When the soldiers had crucified Jesus,
they took his clothes and divided them into four shares,
a share for each soldier.
They also took his tunic, but the tunic was seamless,
woven in one piece from the top down.
So they said to one another,
"Let's not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it will be, "
in order that the passage of Scripture might be fulfilled that says:
They divided my garments among them,
and for my vesture they cast lots.
This is what the soldiers did.
Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother
and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas,
and Mary of Magdala.
When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved
he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son."
Then he said to the disciple,
"Behold, your mother."
And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

After this, aware that everything was now finished,
in order that the Scripture might be fulfilled,
Jesus said, "I thirst."
There was a vessel filled with common wine.
So they put a sponge soaked in wine on a sprig of hyssop
and put it up to his mouth.
When Jesus had taken the wine, he said,
"It is finished."
And bowing his head, he handed over the spirit.

Here all kneel and pause for a short time.

Now since it was preparation day,
in order that the bodies might not remain on the cross on the sabbath,
for the sabbath day of that week was a solemn one,
the Jews asked Pilate that their legs be broken
and that they be taken down.
So the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first
and then of the other one who was crucified with Jesus.
But when they came to Jesus and saw that he was already dead,
they did not break his legs,
but one soldier thrust his lance into his side,
and immediately blood and water flowed out.
An eyewitness has testified, and his testimony is true;
he knows that he is speaking the truth,
so that you also may come to believe.
For this happened so that the Scripture passage might be fulfilled:
Not a bone of it will be broken.
And again another passage says:
They will look upon him whom they have pierced.

After this, Joseph of Arimathea,
secretly a disciple of Jesus for fear of the Jews,
asked Pilate if he could remove the body of Jesus.
And Pilate permitted it.
So he came and took his body.
Nicodemus, the one who had first come to him at night,
also came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes
weighing about one hundred pounds.
They took the body of Jesus
and bound it with burial cloths along with the spices,
according to the Jewish burial custom.
Now in the place where he had been crucified there was a garden,
and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had yet been buried.
So they laid Jesus there because of the Jewish preparation day;
for the tomb was close by.

Les Poissons Are Friends, Not Food

Happy Friday, y'all! Thanks to Jen for hosting!!

ONE

Instead of blogging, I should be chopping heads off five fish my Father so grandly left me to deal with this morning, as well as de-scale and de-bone.

By myself.

I'm taking a break and letting them cool down. Forever.

When I was in South Korea visiting a friend, we went to a fish restaurant and accidentally ordered a meal with fish eyes in it. Never again, I pledged.

That's an eyeball. Look closer if you don't see it.

The most famous fish model in Korea.

What I ate instead of fish eyes.

My friend just ate a sea slug by accident. Whoops.

Then, a month later, Will and his family took me out for a day on the Cumberland. It was delightful.

I caught my first two fishes ever-ever:

Numero uno!

Second one bled on me. I was really roughing it.

I learned how to "net" a fish:

Then, prepare said fish for cooking:

Then, eat it. Eating it was less traumatizing than the fish parts we tried to eat in Korea:

It was very satisfying, and then I was glad to go home to the Real World.

But the Real World is a hard master, and there are five fully scaled fish with eye balls waiting for me to chop them off like the Chef Louis in Little Mermaid:

TWO

I watched Finding Nemo yesterday. Best decision of my day! So full of laughs and life lessons. Favorite scene:

Marlin: I promised I'd never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Hmm. That's a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.

THREE

As of yesterday, Will and I have been married for three months! I wrote about it here.

FOUR

Here is an awesome article from FEE on the welfare state. Lawrence Reed mentions my second favorite president too. FEE is an amazing organization, especially if you are more interested in learning about economics and American history. They host free seminars too!

FIVE

I should also be cleaning my room and changing my sheets. Do y'all have any secrets for keeping organized when you feel like life has chopped off your head and you're just flapping your wings to get work done?

After I chop fish heads off, I have more work-work to do. Is it better to split time and multi-task or do one thing at a time? What about errands? Grown-up life has such a learning curve.

SIX

To go with the above theme, I play the Disney (children's) Radio on Pandora when I need a mood pick-me-up. Runners-up: Talking Heads, Mumford and Sons, Adele, The Chieftains and RUSH. Gregorian Chant for my cool-down, and Coldplay or Ray LaMontange for in-between times.

SEVEN

Reading anything awesome lately? My friend Betsy introduced me to Carrots for Michaelmas after I showed her Small Notebook. Now I am loving on A Holy Experience. My favorite daily read is Best of the Web Today at WSJ.

 Oh happy day! Have a wonderful weekend, dear readers.