You've Got Style (Choices!)

As I was showing my husband Will an adorable picture (a friend just had another baby!), he replies, "Why is the husband wearing khakis and a button-up in the hospital? That looks so uncomfortable."



 I replied, "It looks so handsome and put together!" Which is true, but did not faze my husband. He is the King of Casual. He tells people he picked emergency medicine as a profession so he could wear pajamas (read: scrubs) to work. I can pick out a button-up, khakis (and maybe a tie!) for church or weddings or certain family events, but casual khaki wear is not for him.

Our daughter, 18+ months, will stuff her feet into shoes too small if she wants to - specifically the silver boots-with-the-fur she found at Old Navy last winter. They're soft and now the sides don't velcro together, but she loves them stuffs her feet into them every so often, even though she has new, cute, correctly fitting shoes available.

Which makes me wonder: what influences style?

Style is "a manner of doing something." If Aristotle thought that virtue becomes a habit by constantly choosing so, then surely fashion style and sense come out of the same practice. Will and I are not naturally stylish. At our best, we dress in a classic manner. At our laziest, we are grasping for clean clothes. Style, I think, is in the middle: it's the every day dressage - the choices we make.

 We both grew up wearing uniforms. His go-to was athletic wear: shorts and a tee-shirt. Mine was always nicer wear: polo shirts, skirts, jeans and pearls. College meant shorts year-round for him, and ballet flats with everything with me.

Why? Comfort.

Not only with the individual pieces of clothing, but the style - what your clothes project to the world, as well as their function. I'm more into scoop neck shirts than polos now; I love mocs and flats; button-up cardigans are my jam; I love fitted pant and shorts in solid colors, and patterned A-line skirts; button-ups do not work for me or my body type.



I love the concept of a uniform - and no matter what our style, we all create a kind of uniform: those favorite, comfortable pieces to wear again and again. But once you've picked out your favorite pieces, is there still room to expand? I hope so - a scarf, necklace, glasses or other kind of statement piece can really create a beautiful image of self. (And one day, maybe, casual khakis for all!)

A lot of my current wardrobe is transferring from third trimester maternity (winter) into breastfeeding postpartum (spring with a dash of snow). I'm finding myself wanting to do a major overhaul of my wardrobe because there are simply too many items that do not fit into this season of my life.

Am I keeping this shirt because I love how it fits, or because I want to wear it eventually? Too often, it is the latter. I'm also finding my style is changing. Sure, I'll love cardigans and headbands forever. But maybe I don't need to still have cardigans from high school and college?

 I am currently reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo and I am most struck by her insistence to only keep things you love; things that move you - not things you want to love. Isn't that a trap too many of us fall in?

I have at least eight pairs of non-maternity jeans, and I realized last night that only one brand fits me well: and still, I keep all the other pairs "just in case"... in case of what?? If disaster hits, the last thing I need is a pair of ill-fitting jeans.

  This weekend, I am re-claiming my style. Here's what is on my mind:

1. Keep clothes that fit well (not "good enough" fittings)
2. Ask myself, Do I feel lovely in this piece?
3. Is it worth wearing? Sure, have a few around the house pieces - but keep clothes that make you feel good and look good!
4. Don't forget accessories!

Style takes time and practice: by knowing what I like, which pieces are versatile, and thinking of needs v. use. It also takes a certain amount of bravery to admit what works, what doesn't, what you like and how you'll proceed once you know (or think you do!). But fashion isn't final, and we should try to allow ourselves to experiment in colors, fabrics, and - of course - different styles.

How have you developed your own style, readers?

{Originally posted at The Mirror Magazine}

How To Organize for the Hopeless Disorganized: Desk Edition

Raise your hand if you're feeling disorganized. Raise your other hand if you'd rather sit on the couch and cry about it than clean. Hey, me too! Now, turn those hands into fists and shout, "I WILL PREVAIL!"

Okay: attitude. Check.

Whether you live in a small or larger space, the starting point is the easiest/ first place to make yourself feel accomplished. Set a time for ten minutes and move fast: kitchen, living room, bedroom. If you have kids to help, even better. If your other half is around, grab him too. Share the fun!

We're not deep cleaning here, people. Keep it easy breezy.

My personal downfall is my desk area. I say desk with quotation marks, as my desk is also our kitchen table at present. One and a half more months and then we move, and then I'll have my own desk and room! I'm looking for helpful additions to keep my papers neat and my mind focused. Here's what I've got so far:

{one}

Dokument Letter Tray

Also comes in silver for the stylish

Fun, functional, affordable and pink! What else does a girl need?

{two}

Does anyone else think Heaven will look like The Container Store? Okay, a stretch. We won't be bring all our messes to Heaven. Still - so lovely, and everything has a place!

I am very much an "out of sight, out of mind" person, which is why I keep my papers scattered across the kitchen table.

White elfa mesh Desk Drawers

Stylin' and simple.

Now we're talking! I can still see what is in the drawers, but the tight mesh keeps everything inside. I also love the  "Brocade Collection" for desktop needs.

{three}

The elephant in the room is the absurd number of books I keep near my person. This is why I want bookends. To Etsy I go!

I love this pair - did y'all ever read Anne of the Island? Remember Gog and Magog?

Exactly how I pictured them in electric blue

I love how fun and classic they look - and how nicely they would keep my books guarded! They come in other colors as well, like gold and kitschy yellow.

{four}

As a writer of postcards and a receiver of bills, I think a letter holder would be quite dandy. I really like Modcloth's

Dachshund, Sealed, Delivered Letter Organizer

It is adorable, holds just enough mail without overwhelming a girl, and affordable! Anthropologie has a similar one for almost 3x the price.

{five}

Hyper Links Giclee Kiss Table Lamp (Modern Gloss White Base)

Light is always a good thing to have on or near a desk! Otherwise... how can you see the mess?

***

And an honorable mention to See Jane Work for having chic office supplies! I enjoyed perusing the website.

My next step - once we move - is to find an area rug, curtains and decide on the color scheme I want for my office, since I'll be spending 5 or so hours a day in it. Not too hard, right? Any favorites to share on this subject?

UPDATE: Two area rugs bought during a Mother's Day sale - one at 60 percent off, and another for 10 percent off. I'll post pictures later on!

Originally posted at The Mirror Magazine!

#7QT: Just Jogging in Sperry's, Y'all!

It's between 12 a.m. and 2 a.m. and I have a Grace Harriet on my chest, bobbing her head... so let's get our link-up groove on with Jen & co.!

ONE

The most important thing: I woke up to this face yesterday morning.

I know. She's fabulous.

TWO

The second most important piece of business is the Liturgical Living: Advent link-up I am doing. Why? Because you should join in! I'm dying for insights into the holy season and how to make it more festive. Like, feast days: talk to me. Which ones do y'all celebrate? How do you celebrate? What about caritas in this giving season? And decorating. Please. In the mean time, it's raining/ misting down here in New Orleans. I thought hurricane season was over? Maybe this is what winter looks like.

So join in! You know you want to participate.  Will and I watched Christmas Vacation tonight; now that movie is full of good cheer! We love the neighbors.

THREE

On Tuesday, I had Will do Xtend Barre with me. Since it's pilates + ballet, I think he thought it would be "easy"... and he was wrong. Feel the burn, darling. For me, however, what hurt more was what we did Wednesday.

I put our mail on hold three weeks ago, before I went home with my Dad and Grace, since Will would be gone most of the week on interviews. I asked Will to meet me downtown so we could get the mail together (I can't carry a box of mail and push Grace in the stroller). First post office gave us a package but says our mail is at the other downtown location.

Well. My car was getting an oil change, but Will's car only had a half hour on the meter. So he pushed Grace and walked so fast that I had to jog to keep up. Jogging in Sperry's on the unforgiving pavement of downtown New Orleans - 10+ minutes there, and another 10ish minutes back - is the best way to bring your shin splint pains back. In case you have plans to mimic my exercise style(s).

And no, we didn't get our mail, since you are wondering. Yes, I filled out the yellow slip. (The man at the other post office remembers!) Thank you, post lady, for giving us two names and phone numbers and telling us not to mention you by name. Another day then? Retrieving one's mail is top secret business down here... Aaaaand we're jogging again.

FOUR

It feels really good to be home, and by home, I mean our townhouse in New Orleans. It's a mess right now, as I get to sort through a large stack of papers I left for "later", writing more thank you notes (a wonderful blessing!!), my organization binder is in chaos, and there is always more laundry and cleaning to be done. Still - it's my work, it's my home, and it's my responsibility. That feels really good.

I feel a steep learning curve in decorating my own home. I'm glad Grace won't remember this Christmas, and a little disappointed she doesn't see how cute her binky looks sitting in her tiny shoe for St. Nick's feast day! We head back up north in less than two weeks... hard to believe! Will took an exam today, and has more, plus a couple of interviews before we drive north for another one and Christmas break. It's exhausting seeing people and sharing Grace, and so thrilling at the same time.

FIVE

Most surreal part of my week? A recommendation which lead to a phone interview that resulted in a job offer. I'm going to teach AP and regular US history, y'all! For a classical school online! More on that later.

SIX

I like this article by Mary:

Pioneer and medieval women spent a lot of time sewing and cooking, sure, but that can't have been so much more boring than the plowing and animal-feeding the men were doing. Those same women spent a lot of time pregnant (earlier marriages, no modern means to postpone/avoid pregnancy, etc.), which was probably about as risky as fixing the roof or going to war, and probably seen as a good thing if for no other reason than that more kids meant more hands to help run the farm. 

This division of labor seems more sensible than sexist: if you're breastfeeding, you should be where the babies are, and if you're pregnant, you should do less heavy lifting. So it makes sense that the never-pregnant men would do the heavier work and the frequently-pregnant women would do the lighter -- but equally demanding and equally important -- work. In the days before Hot Pockets and Ann Taylor, someone had to cook and sew or the family wouldn't be fed and clothed. 

(Mary C. Tillotson, "Redeeming 'Women's Studies'", The Mirror Magazine)

SEVEN

Thursday Thrills: Will is re-reading Mockingjay. Grace is less enthusiastic.

"What's in this for me?"

Happy Friday, all!

The Need for Self-Care

Originally published at The Mirror Magazine

Last Sunday, I drove two and a half hours to a beach in Alabama with my husband and a friend, chatting and laughing and singing along to the radio and our CD collection. A couple hours later, we were driving back to New Orleans, with white sand stuck to all the crevices and skin (and in our hair), sunburns, and conversations that would dwindle off as a favorite song came into play.

Once we crossed back over the border into Louisiana, I asked my husband to drive because I was so tired. The waves had been strong and full, white-capping and carrying our bodies forward and onward. It takes strength to stand up against the tide, even when you dig your feet into the sand and swear you shan't move. But moving isn't the problem - it's where you end up. Let yourself get swayed, and you'll end up 20 feet down the beach. But maybe that's where the adventure starts? As I sat on the sand in the late afternoon and watched the sand crabs dive into their holes, I thought: this is self-care.

Self-care "refers to actions and attitudes which contribute to the maintenance of well-being and personal health and promote human development." Self-care starts with self-awareness.

What are you able to do? What do you want to do? Why are you feeling this way?

My husband likes reading on the beach between swims, and our friend took at least one nap on her towel, but as I was less than two weeks away from my due date (a week now!), I cannot lie on a towel without needing Will to physically help me up again or sit comfortably near the hot sand for so long. So, I thought, what do I want to do? And it was a wonderful feeling. I went and sat on the lower part of the beach, and let the waves wash over my legs and my belly, where my baby pokes me and teases me.

It's taken me nine months to get to the point where I can sit in the sand. I've never taken leisure time very seriously. There was work time, vacation time, quality time (with friends and/or family), chore time and productive time. Even sleep time got the short end of the stick, more often than not.

Leisure is not the same as self-care, but it can feel that way to me. Instead of being optional, however, self-care is possibly one of the most important things a person can do for herself. Self-care is a recognition of your limitations, a want to improve, and a desire for sanity. If a person does not relax, their body will become ragged and force rest upon them in forms of sickness or exhaustion, mental and physical.

Source

Self-care can come from necessity - my pregnancy forced me to re-evaluate how I never took time to rest. Self-care must become a habit, verses a special occasion.

I've focused my self-care on four areas: daily prayer, daily exercise, daily writing, and naps.

I've taken small steps - morning prayer, and daily mass once a week. Exercise for 30 minutes. Writing without publishing.

I learned to nap. I learned to sit down and watch. I learned that it was okay being passive, as long as you didn't get stuck there. I learned that it was okay to let people help you, and admit that you can't handle a work load.

This week, I think I'll paint my nails. I've organized the closets and re-written the chore and grocery list, for my own peace of mind. Now, to finish a few bigger projects and book reviews!

How do you self-care, reader? Do you self-care? Why or why not? What is holding you back if you're not?

Five Favorites: Take Two

Editing articles is leaving me in need of a brain break... linking up with the fabulous Hallie!

ONE

Disney (Children's) Radio on Pandora. 

Yes, Pandora. I have a Spotify too, but there is nothing more fabulous than this station, especially when I am under deadline. Disney songs and soundtracks, as well as the likes of a Motown mix, Jack Johnson, Regina Spektor, A Fine Frenzy, New Republic, Joshua Radin, Florence + The Machine and even Adele.

More importantly, though:



and



Et cetera, et cetera - more where that came from!

TWO

Netflix.

I know, we're terribly behind on this. Will and I opened our own Netflix account because we wanted to watch the fourth season of Arrested Development after re-watching the first three seasons. We are pretty disappointed with how it started, so we took a break and watched Sherlock. ZOMG. Now we're watching the sixth season of Burn Notice, in between viewings of childhood favorites. We watched the Great Mouse Detective a few nights ago -- still fabulous!

We love our Amazon Prime, but daaaaang guurl. Netflix, you fine.

THREE

Care packages.

My mom sent me a hug in a box! Two jars of jam (blackberry from my uncle's farm; tart cherry from Michigan), peanut butter cookies (more Michigan love), gummy bears for me (devoured), gum for Will, a maternity shirt, a few pieces of non-forwarded mail, and letters from the family.

Overly happy picture I sent my Mom

I adore mail of all varieties, and feel very blessed with the correspondence family and friends have been keeping up with us since we moved down South almost two months ago! I am trying to keep up with writing thank you and regular cards; e-mails too!

FOUR

Will.

Okay, maybe unfair to put him under my "favorites" since we're married, but how else can I categorize this drawing he did during birth class?

Let's just say, things got interesting once he added the shark.

Or how he asked the nurse unnecessarily complicated questions during birth class... (hopefully not sparking terror in any of the ladies there!)
Or the straight face he kept when she queried about his level of knowledge about sutures...
Or the crazy grin on his face when the nurse confirmed that we could skip the tour of the postpartum ward... (He gave me the breakdown anyways: bed, table, desk, bathroom, chair/couch, bed for baby. Bam.)

Then, in the midst of swinging my arm ridiculously high as we sauntered down the hall away from the other suckers couples, we began to literally skip away from class 30 minutes early. That was his favorite part of class: leaving!

My husband is a good sport during this whole third trimester adventure. He makes sure we go to the pool almost every day so preggo here can get my 30 minutes of movement in; he lets me sleep in past 7 a.m.; he asks me how the baby is doing and humors me when I tell him to LOOK! THE BABY IS MOVING!!!!! (but mostly, never when he is looking); he attempts to not give me a technical medical answer when I am looking for an emotional/ empathetic one; he is always up for the adventures I propose, be it an impromptu walk outside, trying out a local snow cone shop, or a triple whammy library/ art museum/ bank day.

See? Favorite.

FIVE

The Mirror Magazine.

Mary C. Tillotson and Joy Pullmann, two college friends + reporter colleagues, and I started a new online publication: The Mirror Magazine. It's still new and budding, and I just love it. "Women speak about living traditional values in the modern, post-feminist world" is our mission statement. We're taking submissions, we're on Facebook and Twitter, and we're gearing up for the long-haul. We'd love for you to read along!

Here is one of our readers, and one of my new favorite blogs: This Felicitous Life. Laura, this is my public shout-out that I can't wait for you to write for us too!!

Happy Wednesday, y'all!

Adventure Is Out There

As seen at The Mirror Magazine

This one's for the independent gal, wondering where her life is going - wondering what's she's doing, and if she's missing something, and where her time is truly going.

Adventure is out there! And you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not intended to stand still, unless it is to feel the breeze or catch the rain. You are never "stuck" - and if you find yourself waiting, use the time well.

10. Read a book.

What is more precious than developing your mind? Catch up on old favorites (Ella Enchanted, anyone?) and new finds. Move away from the laptop and your phone, and just fall into the coziness of reading (or listening to books on tape, if that is better!).

9. Drink and be merry! 

Sometimes, a good beer can just hit the spot. Or chilled red wine with dinner - divine. Even better - visit a winery, or a brewery, or a distillery, if that's more your flavor. Take a friend (or family member), sign up for a tour, and enjoy yourself.

8. Find purpose in your work.

Why are you working in that job? It is one thing to make money (which is a very important); it is another thing to find joy. Yes, there are hard days, and there will be worse days, but what makes you keep at it? What makes you tick? How do you feel after doing a good job? Do you need more feedback? Are you open to criticism? Talk to your boss; be on the same page so that you can be the best member of the team possible.

7. Keep up with friends.

In this age of technology, do more than a "what's up?" text. Keep them updated on your life via e-mail, handwritten letter or phone call, and be just as earnest to talk about their life. Be open to friends not being close to you any more, and open to finding new friends as well. There are so many people on this adventure - stick to the ones who stick to you.

6. Explore possibilities.

As an introvert, it can be very daunting to try new things, but very rewarding as well. I took tennis lessons when I was younger and enjoyed them, but never got particularly good as my family plays for kicks and giggles. After college, since I am never going to play lacrosse again, or soccer seriously, I decided it was time for a new venture. I took lessons at our swim club, and lo and behold! I was not the worst or the best! And I made a few tennis buddies of my own.

The biggest hardship for many people is remembering that, more likely than not, people are interested in making friends. You will not click with everyone, and having a good conversation does not mean you're destined to be BFFs-forever-and-ever, but as Rudyard Kipling says,  "One man in a thousand, Solomon says,/ Will stick more close than a brother./ And it's worth while seeking him half your days/ If you find him before the other." Take a genuine interest in other people; it'll be nice to step outside yourself for a while.

5. Accept second-best and pursue your passions.

If you want to learn how to knit, do it because you want to, not because you must create the perfect hat on the first try. If you want to learn to fish, you might not catch any fish the first few times. If you go canoeing or kayaking, you may tip over. If you learn calligraphy, it might look like you got drunk with a fancy pen. And that's okay. Do what you love, or think you're going to love - why wait?

4. Travel!

This is the best part of the adventure - going on your own. Traveling is not limited to outside the country, either; there are so many beautiful places in America, even if you go an hour away to a big state park for a picnic lunch and a short hike - what a trip! Outside the country is great as well, but is a different sort of adventure, complete with higher expenses, a possible different language barrier, and less spontaneity.

Of course, if your co-traveler speaks the language... even better!

I also highly recommend traveling with a loved one, both family and friend. The memories you'll make are irreplaceable!

3. Be content.

There is no one made like you, and your challenges are unique. They are hard, and they are going to flavor your life in their own way. But don't let them overwhelm you! Everything can be conquered: poverty, poor self-image, sadness, lack of direction. Be kind to yourself, wonderful you! You're

2. Be brave.



Keep the door open for change! Take a job that isn't your dream job, write on your blog, go out with someone who isn't "perfect", volunteer, speak your mind, respect others, and be open to whatever comes your way -- especially if it's not part of "the plan"! Sometimes, those detours are the most fun.

(Hat tip to my sister, who sent me this video - and cheers to one of the bravest people I know!)

1. Keep it loose, keep it tight.



Amos Lee sings, "But sometimes,/ We forget what we got,/ Who we are./ Oh who are are not./ I think we gotta chance,/ To make it right."

Don't forget who you are, dear reader. Don't get caught up in other people's passions or problems. Don't let another person's dark cloud find its way over your head. Don't let Pintrest make you feel inadequate. Don't let another person's happiness take away from your own. We're all on a different journey, and yours is amazing.

Any more ideas for adventures, dear readers?

Great Expectations

Today at The Mirror Magazine

Has it been scientifically proven yet that more women are Type A personalities? Or is it that we think we need to uphold a set of values that is not universal, but constantly ruining the fun in our lives? We need to be smart and saavy; we need to be gorgeous (models-as-standard) and athletic (fit, too); we need to be domestic enough to please other people's standards; we need to pay attention to our kids; we need to have our own fulfilling careers.

My mom and me: two Type As, different goals

The pressure to work in a job for career-purposes, the pressure to marry and then the pressure to have kids and the pressure to support those kids in their range of activities and schooling ventures... has life turned into a tea kettle for women? Are we all going to end up screaming when the water gets too hot?

In yesterday's Gospel, Mary sat listening at the feet of Jesus while Martha was busy serving everyone. Exasperated, she asks the Lord if he can tell Mary to help too. Instead, he says, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part
and it will not be taken from her."

This story is so important for women - and not because they need to decide if they are a Martha or a Mary. Philippians 4:6-8 (RSV) says, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

When we bring our gifts to the Lord, they are enough. Sometimes, the laundry is going to sit for days. The kitchen will be a mess after you just cleaned it. The project you finished is praised, but then you're given two more and the time slot is narrow. You're working out and eating well, but the weight is not coming off quickly. Life is not as you planned - and isn't that where this anxiety is coming from?

Perhaps we women need to take a step back from our want/need of "instant gratification" - having it all, all the time. My Latin teacher used to tell us that we could only have two of the three things: studying, sleep and social. I refused to believe this, but I am not a Latin scholar. Rather, I have embraced the idea of "slowed gratification" - happiness comes out of making sacrifices, taking a different route, allowing choices to shape life, and accepting gifts along the way.

Otherwise, ingratitude sets heavy on shoulders. Many people feel disappointment because they want excitement and social outings and dates and a fulfilling job. But they're in their twenties and the job experience necessary for fulfillment has yet to come into fruition. For some women, this disappointment continues into their thirties and forties: marriage isn't what they dreamed; kids are sponges of time, energy and resources; and just what is the point of it all?

Women, we need let ourselves slow down, sit and appreciate the hospitality of enjoying other people as well as serving other people. If it feels one-way, then something is amiss. If we cannot sit in the presence of the Lord without worrying about a project due at work or dishes that need to be done, we're not paying enough attention to the important parts of life. If we're worried about what other people think more than our own concerns and the concerns of our family, that is anxious and not loving.

Meal time is an especially good time to slow down and listen

The pressure cooker will always be on in variable areas of our life. The challenge is to let the pressure rise, but be ready for it. Delegate and let other people help, even if they do it in a way different from your own. (Loading the dishwasher, anyone?) Let silence enter your heart and mind, and may you find peace in the blessings life has given you.

What has helped you find happiness, readers? How do you slow down in this busy world?

Regret-less Sex

Originally published at The Mirror Magazine (July 8, 2013)

Life isn't always what you expect, and this post I'm writing was not my initially chosen topic. Instead, I'm writing in response to a few articles I read today, and a conversation I had with one of my husband's classmates.

Today is Will's first day of school for his Master's program, and there was an open reception which I invited myself to as his special guest. Nothing fancy: his classmates, the program directors and corresponding staff, and me, the pregnant lady in the striped dress. The girl next to me and I struck up a conversation, gaining speed as we realized she grew up about 45 minutes from where my husband went to college. We talked about our shared faith, her boyfriend, my pregnancy, where we came from and why we moved to New Orleans.

"Sorry if this is too forward," she said suddenly, "But do you use Natural Family Planning?"

"We do," I said.

"Was the pregnancy planned?" she asked.

"Yes," I said as my husband said "No."

I smiled, and explained that we conceived on my P3 day, which is the third day past my Peak Day and the last day of my fertile time. We knew we could get pregnant if we had sex, and rolled the dice. We got pregnant. Will says "no" because we had originally planned on waiting to try for a mini-us till the fall, but we also had sex knowing we could become pregnant.

She smiled and nodded, and the conversation went on. It wasn't awkward, as the over-details I shared above may seem. I share those details because I need people to know: creation is no mistake.

The babble I hear surrounding sex is dehumanizing. Another couple broken up over infidelity. Pornography distorting love between people. Abortion on demand, with no apologies. Support contraceptives because then abortions will be reduced. Unrealistic sex-pectations, less romance and true love. And, more recently, a friend's testimony about how being raised Catholic made sex (especially pre-marital sex) a source of fear, shame and guilt.

In all of this, I think of my husband, I think of my baby, and I think of the dignity my faith gives me as a woman.

Drawn by Bill Donaghy

My husband Will and I married each other with the understanding that we will always be married. We married without having sex beforehand, and we married with the expectation of growing our family size from two to many in its formative years. We married in the Catholic Church, of which we are active members. We have different spiritual lives, but the same faith. Before we married, we prepared our bodies for marriage by first preparing our hearts and minds. We talked about everything! We agreed, disagreed, reasoned, compromised, and worked together, hand in hand, in the making of "us". Without us, together, there can be no children.

As a couple, we practiced a lot of self-control while we were dating and engaged. Those biological wants, needs and desires are not reserved for the non-believers: they are human wants, needs, and desires. But a person doesn't lose weight by eating chocolate cake and then throwing it up anymore than a person can have consequence-less sex - there are always emotional ties if not physically bonding ones. And more often than not, the "consequence" is a tiny human being, whose life should not be terminated "with no apologies".

Greg Pfundstein writes at The Corner,

President Johnson’s fruitless War on Poverty kicked off the nation’s misguided birth-control crusade with grants for “family planning” in 1965. The effort was redoubled in 1970 when, thanks to the efforts of John D. Rockefeller III and George H. W. Bush, Title X of the Public Health Service Act was signed into law by Richard Nixon the day after Christmas. Since 1970, the out-of-wedlock birthrate has tripled to 41 percent. With the help of the Supreme Court with its 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, we have also seen the number of abortions spike through the 1980s and reach an equilibrium today at between 1.2 and 1.3 million annually. Both results are at least unexpected from the perspective of a public policy based on the premise that access to contraception will decrease the rate of unintended pregnancies.

The family planning my husband and I do is scientific and based on my body's natural signs. Just as I prefer eating organic and hormone-free food, I am not inclined to put hormonal birth control pills into my body when I am only fertile 5-6 days a month (or 60-72 days out of 365 - below 20% of my year).

Moreover, the reason couples who practice NFP have a 2-5% divorce rate is not because the pool of participants is so small - it is because of the constant communication the couple has about their sex life. And after you've talked about mucus with your loved one, there really isn't anything a person can't discuss openly. Communication is the bedrock of relationships, of love, and essential in decision-making.

Sex is empowering because I have my husband's total love, trust and faithfulness. I find sex beautiful, amazing and dignity-enhancing, and I am sorry when people's experiences with the Church's teachings on sexuality are negative and guilt-ridden. But their experiences do not negate the true beauty of the Church's teachings, especially Theology of the Body. I know that I opposed sex before marriage when I was younger because I knew people who had been pressured into it, and that scared me. I did not want to be pressured - I wanted to have it freely. I opposed it when I was older when I saw how friends reacted when their boyfriends treated them, used them, dumped them. Will and I talked about what would happen if we had sex before marriage, and agreed: it would be great, but we would regret it. It would feel great, but it would not be as great as having the sacramental all-access pass to the whole person.

There are no regrets in my marriage when we have sex. There are no regrets that I am pregnant so soon after marriage. There are no regrets in sharing all of this, because I want people to know. Sex does not have to be split between the "good" and the "bad", but rather the "true love" and the "love-ish." The -ish means, "I love you but": but not your fertility, but not your baggage, but not your hips, but not all of you. True love means, I love all of you; I will cherish you when I am angry, I will appreciate you when you annoy me, I will trust you above all others, and protect your heart in mine.

It's okay to be scared of pregnancy - Mary was frightened by the angel came to her. She was going to be a seen as having a child out-of-wedlock, and her engagement was almost broken off. She was being given a huge responsibility, a child, the child of God. That wasn't an easy "yes" she said.

NFP isn't easy. Self-control isn't easy. Marriage isn't easy. But they're all worth it. True love is worth it. Protecting the dignity and lives of other human beings is worth it. Supporting mothers is worth it. Honoring fathers is worth it.

And when my baby kicks me in the middle of the night, I know it -- the baby, my marriage, full-of-consequence sex -- is worth it.